Jack Nicholson: “Shaving is for P*ss**s.”

by

JACKNICHOLSON.JPG

Do you know why we love this picture of Jack Nicholson? Because here is a man who woke up in the morning, forgot to shave a good 20 percent of his neck, and clearly still does not give a sh*t what people think about him. You know if we found a shot of Geraldo Rivera with a patch of his Grandmother’s crotch quilt growing out of his face, it would be paydirt, breaking news, hilarity ensuing, etc etc. But this picture only goes to reiterate one very important point: Even with elderly-face-pubis and slighly askew glasses, Jack Nicholson is the f***ing man. We hope he grows it long and attaches a bead to the end of it.

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: No One Says Black Rock Cod?!*

by

This might be the funniest/most surreal Family Feud question we’ve seen ever. The question: What kind of fish describes your man in the bedroom? The answers: Make little to no sense. Take our word and stick around for the end, when host John O’Hurley reveals those fish not chosen. Survey says? Hilarious.

*FYI: Black Rock Cod is a real fish.

CAPTION THIS! Deck His Halls

by

devito.jpg

While Danny DeVito relies on his co-stars to hold his drunk ass up, Matthew Broderick takes a second to revel in being “the tall one.”

Now it’s your turn. Leave your captions in the comments now!

HEADLINES FROM HELL: Ruben Studdard Starts Modeling Agency

by

RUBEN.JPGWhat do you do when you’re the morbidly obese fake winner of a reality show, and you’re sick and tired of being upstaged in your seemingly inexistant music videos by the skinny struggling dancers grinding all up in your grill? Why, you start a modeling agency for fat people naturally. This is exactly the tactic being used by the Ruben “Like the Sandwich” Studdard, who is probably sick and physically tired that fat people aren’t featured as back-up dancers in more music videos. We think he might be on to something… his vids would be much more believable if instead of some beautiful unknown actress pretending to sleep with him, it was instead the always lovely Kathy Bates. That being said, Ruben Studdard’s Modeling Agency is simply shrieking “reality show hit!”

Going further with this idea, we would absolutely love to see Clay Aiken start a modeling agency for really, really ladylike, creeptown closet-gay guys, with which to surround himself in his vids as an attempt to butch the bitch up a crotch.

BWE: Celebs Go X-Mas Shopping For Britney

by

BWE.tv made the long 1-block trek over to Rockefeller Center Wednesday night for the 74th annual Christmas tree lighting extravaganza. FYI, our definition of “extravaganza” is “any event that has John Legend, Al Roker, Denise Van Outen and Billy Bush on hand.” We’re weird. Anyway, our Question Man used this opportunity to ask them all a very serious question: What would you get Britney Spears for Christmas?

Today’s Blog Posts Are Tomorrow’s Law & Orders

by

Mel_Gibsonmug.jpg

Having already tackled Tom Cruise K-Fed, and Mel Gibson, this week the blog-reading writers of Law & Order turned their lack of imagination towards the Lonelygirl15 phenomenon by having Michelle Trachtenberg portray a young girl who appears in a series of mysterious – possibly dangerous! – viral videos. Who needs creativity when you can just xerox the latest pop culture news, change the names and faces, and call it “topical TV”? In an experiment to see how difficult this really must be, we’re going to take this week’s big stories from our blog, and try to spin them into compelling Law & Order episodes. Let us know what you think:

BWE.tv POST: Britney’s Vagina Awareness Campaign
L&O EPISODE: “Flash Photography”
PLOT SUMMARY: When a paparazzi is trampled to death while trying to get a close-up shot of a superstar’s genitals for the 8th consecutive night, the Detectives must determine weather a starlet’s vagina can be formally charged with involuntary manslaughter.

BWE.tv POST: Kid Rock & Pam Anderson Divorce
L&O EPISODE: “Rich White Trash”
PLOT SUMMARY: When the body of a has-been rap-rocker is found dead on a boat, surrounded by empty Budweiser cans and White Castle boxes, the Detectives must track down the person responsible – and all roads seem to lead back to two very suffocating breasts.

Read more…

BWE REVIEWS: DREAMGIRLS! And I Am Telling You, You Must See It

by

DREAMGIRLZ.JPGDreamgirls, the new movie musical directed by Kinsey‘s Bill Condon, has been attracting a lot of attention thanks to its glitzy cast and $25 price tag (temporarily at least). So when the opportunity arose to catch a sneak preview, we tucked our $25 money orders back into our diamond-encrusted bras and jumped at the chance. Our verdict: If the salt-water-stains on our silken robes tell you anything, it is AMAZING. Yes, certain parts are cheesy and over-the-top (there’s a Jackson 5 montage that will force some cringe eating) and sure, Jamie Foxx‘s singing voice is about as pleasant as a balloon slowly farting across a room, but people: There is so much to love!

After the jump, an informal review, an informal music video, and an informal poll: Will you be seeing Dreamgirls?

Read more…

LISTEN UP: One Fish, Two Fish, More Fish, New Fish

by

ghostmorefish.jpg

  • If you don’t already own the masterpiece that is Ghostface Killah’s Fishscale, go buy that sh*t immediately. Then head over to Gorilla vs Bear and grab the first track from the sequel album More Fish.
  • The Fishtank Lush has some rare blood-soaked blues from a circa-1970′s Howlin’ Wolf studio session in London.
  • Over at A Test Pilot, Beck gets into the Christmas Spirt in his own Scientological way with “Little Drum Machine Boy”.
  • *Sixeyes baits his hook with a new Of Montreal track. We’ll bite.
  • Ain’t nothin’ fishy about the Friday round-up over at MOKB, who drops off new stuff from The Earlies, Nas, and that Ghostface Killah we like so much.