ICYMI: Prince Had Something Better To Do

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When you’re little, talented, ambiguous and purple, people can’t just ASSUME you’re going to show up every time they want to hand you an award. There’s a good chance you’ll be too busy… or too purple… to make an appearance. It’s an occupational hazard. So don’t blame Prince for standing up the the folks at the Golden Globes (and Justin Timberlake) last night. He was just too busy being purple somewhere else. And that ain’t easy.

Nice save JT! Do you think this was the best moment of the night? If not– what was?

LISTEN UP: Mp3’s ‘R’ Good Enough

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  • Python Eats Alligator For Breakfast has a brand new Ted Leo + Pharmacists track off his upcoming CD. Stop smirking at the name of the blog and go download it ASAP.
  • Indie Mp3 thinks The Postmarks are going places in 2007. I trust them.
  • Tha Bomb Shelter posted 3 tracks off the new Shins album today. Mentally prepare yourself for next week’s release by listening to them now.
  • I can’t get enough of the song “Secret Identity” by How I Became The Bomb. Cable & Tweed has the mp3, as well as another song by this band that’s destined to break out.
  • And finally, The Lost Turntable has not one, but TWO versions of Cyndi Lauper’s classic “The Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough.” If you have no desire to download them, I’ve given up on you.

That Jack Bauer Is Such A Doll

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bauerdoll.JPGI stopped playing with dolls when I was a little kid (after my mom informed me that Barbie doesn’t like to be touched “there”), so I don’t get pumped up about action figures all too often. But when Todd McFarlane of McFarlane toys declares “Jack Bauer is our Batman” and announces he’ll be producing a Jack Bauer doll by August, who doesn’t get excited?

The action figure will showcase the character in a bulletproof vest with his gun raised and will sell for $10 – $12. In the future, the figures will have Bauer “pouncing, diving and running” and another Bauer seen kicking down a door will be released during the Christmas holidays.

That’s a good start, but I’m gonna need more than pouncing, diving and running. I want Jack torturing people with household appliances, eating terrorists’ throats and shooting his good friends in the neck. That’s the Jack we all know and love.

But I still can’t wait until these dolls come out. If, for no other reason, than to see how quickly somebody produces a YouTube re-enactment of the Kiefer Sutherland Christmas tree incident.

VIDEO HITS ONE: The Affair, “Honey”

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Excuse me while I put on my Stereogum hat for just a moment and attempt to introduce you to a band that you may not have heard of yet. Their name is The Affair, they have an album “dropping” (as they say in the industry) next week, and today they just so happen to be Spin’s Artist of the Day. Check out this video for their song “Honey”, then head over to Spin to download another mp3.

Now, if I was a respected journalist or a music blogger I’d take a second to mention that I’m good friends with these people (and I’d probably start by saying, “In the interest of full disclosure, blah blah blah blah.) Thankfully I’m not respected and just barely a blogger, so I should be all good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to remove my Stereogum hat and go back to listening to my old Toad The Wet Sprocket CD. Don’t judge me.

Tom Brady Coping With Bridget Moynahan Break Up Quite Well, Thank You

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gisele.jpgIt’s official: Tom Brady the Derek Jeter of football. Not because he’s a proven winner, a clutch player or a Hall of Famer– but because the man consistently hooks up with the most beautiful women on the planet. After recently breaking up with Bridget Moynahan, Brady has apparently found himself a nice little rebound. A nice little rebound named Gisele Bundchen. According to the Boston Herald:

“She was standing outside the locker room, just kind of leaning against the wall,” said our spy in the bowels of QualComm Stadium. “No one noticed her, she was dressed like a high-school kid, just in jeans and a T-shirt. But she is gorgeous.”

So basically what they’re saying is that upsetting a 14-2 team by scoring 11 unanswered points in the final five minutes and advancing to the AFC Championship game wasn’t even the highlight of Tom Brady’s DAY.

That’s so not fair.

Link via Deadspin

While You Dealing With Your Golden Globes Hangover

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  • Jeremy Piven insists that he prefers taking his mom to red carpet events. Not because he’s a good son, but because she’s a total MILF.
  • Jennifer Aniston will join her “Friend” Courtney Cox on her new show Dirt in March. Aww, aren’t those two the cutest? They think Dirt will still be on the air in March.
  • Lindsay Lohan turned down a romantic weekend in Mexico with her supposed new boyfriend Joe Francis because she couldn’t resist partying at the Golden Globes. Undeterred, Francis went to Mexico anyway for a romantic weekend with countless bottles of tequila and girls with low self esteem.
  • Renee Zellweger was spotted out on a date with Luke Perry. The couple hopes to fill the Celebrity Pair That We Really Don’t Care About void we’ve had to deal with ever since Reese and Ryan broke up.
  • O.J. Simpson insists that the chapter from his book that depicts how he *would* have murdered his ex-wife was written by a ghostwriter and has factual flaws. Mainly, it ignores the fact that he really did kill her.

Best Night Ever: Monday, January 15th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, January 15th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best moments of Monday night TV, including: the second half of 24, the Golden Globes and a special thanks to the Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet for E!

Liveblogging the Golden Globes!

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  • For those of you still awake, E! will be covering the post-parties til at least 8 am, and Alec Baldwin is already hammered. No, really, he’s talking about how sex keeps his hair looking good. Goodnight.
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  • 11:02: OK. We will be saying “Bah-bel… Bah-bee” in our best crippled Schwarzenegger tomorrow (we won’t really, but imagine the looks on our co-workers faces! Shoot us please.) And. This man to your right, Alejandro González Iñárritu, the director of Babel, a man we’ve never laid eyes on, managed to jump on our comedy radar by directly addressing the Governator himself with possibly the best line of the night: “I swear, I have my papers.” This man, ladies and gentlemen, is awesome.
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  • 10:53: THE FIRST MAJOR UPSET OF THE NIGHT! We love Forest Whitaker, moreso when he’s overwhelmed into tears and befuddled silence, but we were really pulling for Leo DiCaprio in The Departed for the Best Actor award. We’re not upset, per se, just a little surprised, as The Last King of Scotland was seemingly playing in 2 theaters, one of them being Forest Whitaker’s own living room. Aw, he’s so sweet. :( Fine, I love him.
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  • 10:46: Helen Mirren earns another award for her performance in The Queen, which despite the fact that it looks sort of boring is actually fantastic. In other news, how come Helen Mirren’s breasts are perkier than ours… mine… even though they’re a solid 55 years older? Paging Stephen Hawking on this one, folks… am I right? Someone get Joy Behar on the line! We just spontaneously induced our time of the month, and our taking a joke too far mechanism.
  • 10:44: Grey’s Anatomy wins for Best TV Drama. We’re sure a lot of you are thrilled… but we don’t really watch it. Don’t hate us.
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  • 10:37: A radiant-looking Jennifer Lopez presents the Best Comedy/Musical Picture Award to Dreamgirls, and they’ve appropriately sent up an adorable little gay man to accept the award. Was it just us, or did they cut off his speech super early? I blame Beatty. Also, they totally should’ve sent up Beyonce to give the acceptance award… poor thing hasn’t been on stage all night. (Again, we do actually like Beyonce, we swear.) Raise your hand if you think this fake award will kill Dreamgirls‘ chance of winning the Academy Award for Best Picture. We so don’t want to believe that, but we kind of have to. :(
  • 10:36: The combi-douche-tion of Dane Cook presenting an Aaron Eckhart movie has momentarily killed our will to live… or, at the very least, liveblog.
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  • 10:28: YESSSSSSSSS!!!! BORAT WINS. We are treated to a serious behind-the-scenes breakdown of the “ass in the face” seen. I’m talking rancid ass air bubbles, balls as Golden Globes, dark fat crevices… the works. In other words — Sacha Baron Cohen delivers. Marky Mark looks like his head is going to explode from laughter, and Forest Whitaker‘s little beard couldn’t have been happier. Great success!
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  • 10:24: After Jennifer Hudson, Martin Scorcese‘s win is the most deserved of the night. The Departed was truly awesome. Should I feel weird that my new glasses frames look eerily similar to his? Don’t sweat it though — I get all of my eyebrows waxed off. I’m sure they’ll look fine.
  • 10:21: Oh snap! Dustin Hoffman just made an Ishtar joke!!!! Boo-ya! Booooo….. ya.
  • Read more…

…OF THE DAY

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  • DOPPLEGANGER: Is that David Lee Roth in a F*ck Da Eagles t-shirt? (Youtube)
  • ST. DOWDY: Word to Angelina Jolie: Next time you sign a contract to wear a line of clothing, make sure you actually like wearing your dead Grandmother’s tweed onesie beforehand. (NY Post)
  • STAGE NAME: Anybody in the biz whose made it as Assi Cohen deserves a moment of your IMDB time. (IMDB)
  • AWWW!: One more reason to be completely OB-GYN-Sessed with Ewan McGregor: He knows how to read! Squeal!! (American Library Association)
  • BROW DABBER: We just want to say out loud, we are really, really, really happy that David Beckham has never raped a baby. If only because we would be so jealous of that baby. (JK on both counts, ya’ll.) (Popbytes)