The Office: We Are All Homo… Sapiens

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MICHAELSCOTT.JPGThe longest 3 months of our lives are finally over, as The Office finally had its big premiere last night. And so many questions were answered! Jim changing offices, Pam cancelling the wedding, Roy‘s “Nick Nolte” mugshot, Phyllis engaged to Bob Vance… many bases covered. The episode, entitled “Gay Witch Hunt”, revolved around Oscar being outed as a homosexual by Michael to the entire staff. We don’t remember the last time we’ve so openly winced at a primetime sit-com; Angela‘s constant hand sanitizing made us want to gut ourselves. And poor Jim! His new officemates seem to have zero redeeming qualities (perhaps too close to our own depressing office experiences to enjoy). While we thought the “other” big kiss at the end was going a leeeetle too far, Steve Carell as per usual sold it so hilariously, we were dying laughing. Things are different with Jim gone!

NBC.com has a very satisfying deleted scenes reel that sheds some light onto Michael’s love life. We wish these scenes would have made it into last night’s episode — “body pillows” are just funnier than “jello calculators.” It’s science.

Next week sounds amazing: “Michael organizes a party in his hotel room when he, Dwight and Jan attend a convention in Philadelphia.” What were your favorite scenes last night? Satisfied with the kick-off?

BWE: Guess The Breasts

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Another Hollywood babe was spotted roaming the streets sans-bra this week. The question is, who was it? Tara Reid? Fergie? Carmen Electra? Rachel Ray? Who do these breasts belong to? Take a guess, then click below to find out!

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DAILY HASSLE: Even The Hoff F’s Up

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Okay, the title of this post is misleading– The Hoff never f**ks up. However, back in the 80′s, a young David Hasselhoff had his fair share of blunders on the set of Knight Rider. Gorillamask stumbled upon this blooper reel (with NSFW audio) that you have to see. Because come on, you’ve always wondered what it would be like if KITT offered to go down on The Hoff, haven’t you?

While You Were Loving The Office

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  • Jessica Simpson is planning to open a chain of “Daisy Duke” themed restaurants, in which scantily clad waitresses will serve scantily brained men scantily flavored food (how novel). The waitresses will also engage in degrading sex acts with the jackass stoner dishwashers who light themselves on fire for fun.
  • TMZ caught Lindsay Lohan on the streets of Hollywood, having an impromptu rehearsal for her upcoming role in Karate Kid 5: Firecrotch Kicks Back.
  • I now present the most profound statement Paris Hilton has ever made: “I’m not like that smart”. That sh*t could bend spoons.
  • Lou Diamond Phillips was charged with Domestic Battery after an August incident in which he allegedly “pushed and dragged” his girlfriend across the house. Guess someone shouldn’t have gotten so mouthy about their real opinion of Stand and Deliver.
  • What Would Jesus Drive? Probably a pimped-out U-haul covered in “graffiti art” and promo ads for Stephen Baldwin’s new book.

…OF THE DAY

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  • OLD MOUNTIN’: Did old flames George Clooney and Renee Zellweger hook up at a wedding last weekend? It’s amazing what 11 martinis, an Air Supply cover band and an annulled wedding to a possy-gay can do for love, people. (Mollygood)
  • SCREEN DEGAUSSING: There’s one thing this picture tells us about Stephen Baldwin: His vision is 15/15. Cause of all the carrots. He is eating. (Cityrag)
  • SHAL-WHO IS THAT?: OMG! Check out that Emmy-thieving Shalhoub dude from Monk sneakin’ a peek at Anne Hathaway‘s rack! Wait… Excuse me for a second… Sorry, what? That’s… that’s not the guy from Monk? Stanley Tucci? Oh, who cares about that creep? (Celebitchy)
  • SCHIZO: Beyonce Knowles claims to have an alternate personality named “Sasha“, whom she transforms into to boost her own self-confidence. “Sasha”, it should be noted, is a one-legged, one-eyed carpetbagger who rides a handcar from town to town, summoning attention by clanging together a coupla bean cans and playing the bamboo recorder that her pappy gave her. (The Superficial)
  • COUP-COUP-CAH-CRAY-CRAY: Now we learn the real reason there was a coup in Thailand: To prevent the filming of yet another not-even-hilarious-just-bad Nicolas Cage movie. (Assoc. Press)

Defaker On Defamer On Defaker

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defaker.jpgOkay, we loved the the first episode of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip that premiered Monday night on NBC. Loved it. Can’t wait to see what happens with Matthew Perry and the bad guy from Billy Madison, excited about a newly pregnant Amanda Peet hiding her baby bump behind awkwardly placed notebooks, and already wondering if this will be the best Judd Hirsch TV project since Dear John. We think it will be. However, the one thing that we’re even more excited about than all of this is keeping up with the Defamer/Defaker battle that’s brewing before our very eyes.

Yesterday we speculated what the meeting was like when NBC decided to rip off Defamer and create their very own “gossip blog”. The folks at Defamer came out and announced that they had nothing to do with the site and that, yes, it was a viral campaign by the network. But then today the Defaker blogger responded (kind of) to Defamer by declaring that he was no “corporate schill.”

So what does this all mean? Who knows. I’m just looking forward to a season’s worth of snarkiness from the Defamer folks. And the Defaker folks. It should be a good time.

Is Matt Drudge Suggesting Something?

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Matt Drudge might be a borderline maniac geeny. But checking out his website this afternoon, we couldn’t help but notice the oddly coincidental placement of the above two pictures next to each other in his columns. On the left, a 3.3 million year old toddler, and the right, Lady of the Night Barbara Streisand. The angle, the dark eyes, the primordial monkey skull… how could we have not noticed it before? It’s the first time Drudge has ever been subtle and sans the Police Squad siren, and we think it deserves a special mention. Do not send this resemblance to bat in a tied game, bottom of the ninth with a runner on third: It’s striking. (Click here for the actual screencap.)