If there is one word we would never think to use for singer-cum-skeledemon Michael Jackson it’s this: Self-aware. Which is why he probably has no idea just how scarring his latest career move is. Jackson plans on recreating the entire video including famous graveyard scene from his hit music video Thriller at the Chopard Diamond Awards in London, given to artists who’ve sold over 100 million records. See, here’s the thing about that. 25 years ago, we knew that those zombies in the video were just actors in 80s-era makeup, and that Michael’s spooky appearance were thanks to yellow contact lenses.
Now, however, we fear that Michael Jackson singing and dancing as a reanimated zombie to Thriller would seem all too real. His albino 88-pound frame springing up from a freshly dug grave, his Skeletor face searing its image in the minds of millions of children unfamiliar with the original… will he still be serenading Ola Ray with yellow contacts and whiskers?!? (Cue full bodied horror chills.) It’s either going to be the single most disturbing performance ever, or the most hilarious thing we’ve ever seen.
Alex Blagg, Chuck Nice, Jessica St. Clair and Sherrod Small take you through the best of Election Night coverage!
Click on the arrows for a review of today’s best pics!
In the spirit of democracy, we’ll let you elect today’s Daily Douche. You can cast your vote in the comments, and for your convenience, we’ve even provided this helpful and entertaining video montage of suggested candidates. But please, whatever you do, don’t give it to George Michael.
UPDATE: For our less “obviousness-savvy” readers, the “candidates” I speak of appear in the video AFTER the opening montage of 9/11 & Katrina Victims. Guess I thought you’d know that.
How could Britney Spears possibly leave the super-talented, underrated, incredibly fertile, tree-smoking, pancake-loving rap genius that is Kevin Federline? We can’t figure this one out.
Some may speculate that she dumped the Federbeast because didn’t love Playing With Fire as much as the
millions thousands hundreds dozens of people who purchased it. It’s a good theory, but we think it might have been something else. She must have seen this video over at AOL’s Gold Rush Video Central where her soon-to-be-ex-husband “rapped” video clues with the assistance of his “Private Dancers.” You know, I bet if Brit was given the option of citing “Gold Rush Video” instead of irreconcilable differences in the divorce papers she would have totally gone with it.
It’s nearly impossible to see straight, what with our hyperventilating this past hour, regarding the divorce of American royalty Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. But nearly minutes after the initial announcement, details are already emerging over their pre-nuptual agreement. Pre-marriage, K-Fed was dancing his way to $30,000 a year. Post marriage? Even his cornrows are crying. From an Us Magazine article from December 2005, the details of their pre-nup:
- K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.
- The mansion will be divided 50/50.
- Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
- She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
- Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
They are so the Ike and Tina of a new generation! Nam myoho renge kyo Britney!
If you’re a LOST fan like myself, you’re probably no stranger to the frustation of friends and family suffering from a strange malady known as “Not Watching the Show” that renders them incapable of spending hours talking about it with you, poring over hypothetical theories about the island’s mysteries, speculating about the intentions of The Others, and wracking their brains trying to figure out what in the hell it all means. Luckily, our friends at CollegeHumor have discovered a cure, and it’s called Losticil. (Click on white area to view)