In an effort to prove that their hatred towards celebrities is almost equal to their love of animals, the folks at PETA have put together their annual Worst Dressed List. But this year, rather than simply name the celebs who enjoy walking around in fur, they enlisted the help of a guy who sounds like he’s auditioning for a job as Perez Hilton’s ghostwriter. Here’s his list, complete with catty (can we say catty? is that offensive towards animals?) commentary:
1. Nicole Richie: This pelt-wearing party girl is all animal skin and bones. Sheâ€™s an incredible shrinking woman with the heart to match.
2. Ashley Olsen: Wearing fur does add 20 pounds, but if Ashley wants to fill out her frame, we suggest using a fork instead.
3. Christina Ricci: Disregarding the holiday seasonâ€™s â€œPeace on Earthâ€ message, Ricci recently posed for a magazine cover wearing fur from slaughtered reindeer. At least sheâ€™s not into fur hats: Imagine how many more pelts it would take to cover that forehead.
4. Eva Longoria: Youâ€™d think sheâ€™d be more sympathetic to the plight of rabbits considering the way she screws around like one on Wisteria Lane.
Me-ow! (again, can we say that? we didn’t offend any cats out there, did we?) Nicole’s a bitch, Ashley’s anorexic, Christina has a giant forehead and Eva plays a whore on TV. If those aren’t reasons to stay away from fur, I don’t know what is. Thanks PETA!
Since some of you seemed to enjoy the Matt and Kim tracks we told you about the other day, I thought you might like to see this amusing little music video they made for their super-catchy single “Yea Yeah”. It’s kind of like Double Dare, except more rocking and less Mark Summers (wait, is that an oxymoron?)
Let’s take a quick look at who is faring better in these post-divorce days!
PHYSICALLY: The above comparison should say it all. K-Fed has tossed his cornrows to the wind, slapped on some cufflinks, and affixed the lucky diamond earring Brit no doubt bought him for Valentine’s Day. His Esquire duds work for him. Britney Spears, sadly, isn’t one of those girls who looks trashily hot when coked out of her brains. It’s more of a beaten hooker vibe. (Paris’ manhands really leave a mark.) At least she’s shaving! WINNER: K-Fed.
ROMANTICALLY: Britney’s latest squeeze is the ostrichian Paris Hilton. We won’t even get into details because you probably already know too much about their budding relationship. K-Fed isn’t crying though, as he’s scored his own eff-buddy in former porn star Kendra Jade. This one really comes down to which squeeze has less venereal diseases… aaand we’re guessing porn star. WINNER: K-Fed.
FINANCIALLY: Britney came out of the divorce with a water-tight pre-nup and top crotch lawyers. K-Fed can always stretch his last remaining diamond baubles to last at least a few more months. Still, this one’s easy. WINNER: Screwge McF**k, i.e. Britney.
Keep reading for more highly astute in-depth analysis.
It’s been all over the news that the U.S. embassy has asked the Bush twins to leave Argentina. Thanks to this video, we finally know the real reason why.
I’m no conspiracy theorist… but this makes perfect sense! Though I think I’m going to need to see the video. You know. As evidence.
If there’s one thing we don’t like corporations tinkering with, it’s our beloved childhood memories. So we’re a little conflicted over this Cingular ad, which parodies America’s favorite holiday film A Christmas Story. On the one pink rabbit ear, using beloved scenes to schill for a cell phone company that we know for a fact sucks ruins it a little. On the other ear, it’s a solid remake. Worlds colliding!
You’ve got to hand it to the talent coordinators at the Billboard Music Awards — they might be secret geniuses. Because next week’s normally unwatchable Billboard Awards will switch gears into Can’t Miss Television, when the newly-cemented “Gyno-Flash Posse” Paris Hilton and Britney Spears will don their crotchiest dresses and co-host the show together in Las Vegas, People Magazine revealed yesterday. Watching these two try to make their way through over 200 scrolling teleprompter words over the course of 3 hours sounded like re-re bliss to us. The clouds parted, God stepped out of a car with a short dress on, and sunbeams shot down to earth from his nethers.
But, of course, when something seems too good to be true… you know the rest. Because today, US Magazine reports that Britney Spears will not, in fact, co-host with Paris. Cut to God yanking his skirt over his knees and wonky-eyed frogs raining down from the skies. Paris Hilton hosting alone is about as fun as a 20-Please, Britney, deliver us a Christmas miracle and get your drunk ass on stage stat!
This nifty little bit of film footage, taken prior to an ironic performance of the song “God Bless America”, prominently places J-Simp’s spandex-clad cooch front and center, right where it belongs, making us want to proudly wave the stars and bars all across this land of ours. Behold…the Camelcrotch!
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, November 28th! Mindy Raf is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, House, and My Boys!
You can check out more videos of Mindy HERE.