RANT: Leto, No You Didn’t!

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letosopunk.jpgJared Leto recently gave his opinion of blogs and the people who write them, making the following statement:

“I think that blogs should die a sudden death. It’s just ridiculous. It’s like a playground for four-year-olds. People say and do things in the world of blgos that they would never do in real life, and I think it’s a false experience…The blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow.”

Well, Jared, allow me to retort. I think I speak for all bloggers when I say: we don’t like you either. Your desperate, meticulously-constructed “artistic credibility”/”serious musician” posturing is about as impressive or convincing as a magic show put on by the mentally handicapped. Just becuase you show up on a few hipster photoblogs and launch a self-initiated campaign to become the new spokesperson for Maybeline eye make-up doesn’t mean we’ve forgotten that you’re a pretty-boy B-list movie star who dates people like Lindsay Lohan and will eternally be remembered as Jordan Catalano, that dim-witted high school heart-throb who couldn’t f*cking read (though my fondest Leto memory will always be your big scene with Ed Norton in Fight Club).

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The New Bond Theme: Love It or Hate It?

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When it comes to inspirational melodies, James Bond theme songs rank somewhere behind the theme from Rudy and in front of The Last of the Mohicans soundtrack in terms of kick-assiness. Goldfinger, Live and Let Die, A View to a Kill… we conceived our last three children to those songs. Which is why, when we came across this strange trailer/clip reel/low budget music video for the new James Bond movie Casino Royal, we were a little… well… unenthused. Listen to Chris Cornell‘s You Know My Name for yourself and tell us if we’re out of line to say that it’s the worst Bond theme song ever. Let’s hope Daniel Craig can kick it up a crotch.

(Link via DListed)

ICYMI: I Want My Mtv Babes

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Our buddy The Thighmaster has outdone himself this time. Every sexy video you’ve ever seen on MTV, all in one place. From Chris Isaak to Bell Biv Devoe, it’s all there. We’d say he probably worked long & hard on this, but that’d just be too obvious. Click below to see one of the all-time classics, “Baby Got Back”, and click here to see the rest. This should keep you entertained for a while. But what do you think… did he miss any?

LISTEN UP: Mikey Timberlikes It!

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  • I can’t believe I’m about to type this, but Justin Timberlake’s forthcoming single (feat. T.I.) is actually…gulp…good. Head over to Idolator and tell me whether I’m crazy.
  • I’m also stunned that Stereogum’s leak of the new Jet track is also so surprisingly awesome. Sike! They still stuck.
  • The cool kids in the Scenestars AV Club have new video and music from some Brit rockers who DON’T suck – Razorlight!
  • music (for robots) has some scotch-and-despair-drenched new music (that’s awesome) from Tom Waits.
  • Macktronic puts on his finest powder, dandiest duds and gives a positively smashing review of those rapscallions in The Whigs.

ICYMI: The Office! New Clips! (Spoilers?)!

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(Grinding teeth, shaking leg) Only 7 more hours until Season 3 of The Office premieres! And slowly, we’re piecing together some of the things we can expect during tonight’s episode. For starters, last night Steve Carell made an appearance on Jay Leno, where they played the following clip featuring a dialogue between possibly my two favorite people on the show: Michael and Toby.

He’s so right about that retarded thing. So Michael finds out Oscar is gay? That alone could breed enough comedy for at least 4 episodes… You can catch another clip regarding this story line on Yahoo TV’s Fall Preview. But more importantly, Jim and Pam… After the jump, some speculation!

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Jude Law + Manny x Diapers = Mantasy Island

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JUDELAW.JPGLaaaaaadies! Looks like Britney Spears‘ Manny has a new delicate little one to clean up, feed and burp: Jude Law. Apparently, things got a little too hot in the barefoot redneck kitchen for ex-Manny Perry Taylor, who, according to Us Magazine, has been seen protecting the bah-day of the foppish cad all around town. We imagine working for Law is a bit different. Whereas before the Manny was responsible for removing the interior cream from a box of Ho-Ho’s and placing it into a jelly jar for Brit’s imbibing, now Manny must face an altogether swankier beast. (Wayne’s World fade out, if you will.)

There would be Jude, draped over a zebra-skinned fainting couch, a satin robe skimming down from his Adonis-like shoulders. A tiny platinum bell jingles with the slightest of effeminate ease, as Jude, up all night whittling a backscratcher out of an ivory tusk, complains of a cramp in his leg. “Bring me my oils” Jude orders… you can continue reading this little fan-fiction ditty over on my never to be released website ThingsThatGetMeThroughMyDay.com.

PROPPED: The 10 Most Moronic College Courses In America

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lost.jpgLessons from Lost? The Science of Superheroes? Klingon & Beyond? Are these really college courses? And the bigger question, are kids really able to talk their parents into paying for them??? According to this feature written by Piper Weiss (remember her?), the answer is Yes.

Ptothei dropped this list of the 10 flimsiest classes out there. Memorize it. That way when your dad gets mad at you for enrolling in The Phallus, Critical Theory & Social Justice you can assure him that there are more ridiculous courses out there. Not many… but a few.

Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

ICYMI: Kicking & Screaming Laughter

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soccerkick.JPGThis clip has been around for a few weeks now, and I’ve hesitated putting it up until now because it’s a) really short, and b) not really relevant. But after watching for the 437,912th time and laughing out loud, I could resist no further. Some of life’s best – and funniest – things are its simplest. Enjoy!

Pink Hearts! Green Clovers! White Pedophiles! Insane Ideas!

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michaeljacksonleprachaun.jpgYou have to hand it to Michael Jackson: Whether or not the guy realizes it, the guy might be a creeptown genius. Because just when you think he couldn’t get any more nightmarish, any more weirdly scary-clown creepy, any more child-endangering, he manages to TOP himself. To wit: MJ is now targeting the only people possibly whiter than he is, and wishes to purchase land in Ireland… and open a Leprechaun Theme Park. Excuse me for a minute. Sorry about that.

That seriously sounds like SUCH. A. BLAST. Tiny little men helping you on and off the rides, springing up behind you while taking a leak on the “Pot O’ Gold.” Losing the grip of your child’s hand, then scrambling to locate your little one in a sea of small crying children and 48-year old dwarves in green hats… We’d almost rather take an eternal spin on the Insane Clown Posse Gravitron.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRAGE: Lohan’s Well-Wishers

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dina lohan2.jpgWe were all saddened to hear the news that Lindsay Lohan fell down and broke her wrist last weekend, resulting in a mandatory arm cast for her latest fashion accessory. But if there’s one thing Hollywood stars are known for, it’s taking care of their own and rallying behind each other in times of trouble. So the least Lindsay’s pals could do is sign her cast with words of encouragement. Some of their sentiments will help her get well soon (UPGRADE), while others will only make her feel sick (DOWNGRADE).

Check out her autograph collection and tell us which ones are best. Vote now!

NOTE: If you have trouble registering (or simply don’t want to), but would like to see the cast signatures anyway, click here.