CAPTION THIS: Hot Heir

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Whether its his frosted blond hair, his shiny purple lycra shirt, his gaudy Barbara Streisand glasses or the dainty way he’s holding that cigarette, one thing is for sure: Brandon Davis’ brother Jason is first-class Hollywood royalty. He looks like a gluttonous Robert Evans on ecstasy.

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LISTEN UP: She’s Got Sauce

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  • I didn’t think it was possible, but after hearing a new song by The Ponys over at You Ain’t No Picasso, I’m more excited about this album coming out than ever.
  • Sound Of The Suburbs posted everybody’s favorite G Love song today, “Baby’s Got Sauce.” God, I miss the 90’s.
  • Idolator remembers Rhymefest. In case you’ve forgotten who he is, he’s a rapper who released an album waaaaay back in 2006. Give him a listen, for nostalgia.
  • Quick- go to Faronheit and download three acoustic Hold Steady tracks. Why are you still reading this? Go.
  • And finallly, for a mix of tracks that includes Veruca Salt, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Big Mama Thornton, check out I Am Fuel, You Are Friends. It’ll help you make it through the weekend.

Yay! Paula Abdul Is Drunker Than Ever!

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This video is a soon to be classic. Its been months since we’ve been able to be all “You guys, Paula Abdul is on something, for real.” Realizing this, and seeing as American Idol is kicking off its new season next week (in a 4 hour premiere, good God), she’s bringing drunker back and better than ever. Just… watch this.

15 – 1 On An Off-Crack Whitney Houston Comeback Tour? I’ll Take Some Of That Action.

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whitney_houston_monster.jpgThe drunken coozehounds over at Double Viking have compiled a list of Vegas Odds on Celebrity Comebacks. If you’re a gambling person, you might want to check out some of these lines:

Kevin Federline: 300,000,000 – 1

This one is kind of cheating, because it’s not really a “comeback” if you’re not coming back to anything. But really, the bar is just lower for Fed-ex: anybody would agree that if he ever releases another album, it would have to qualify as a major comeback, because right now, it seems totally impossible. However, if some sort of extinction level event were to decimate the human race including most of it’s talent base, K-Fed may one day regain his status as an entertainer. But people will still think he sucks.

I’m not sure about these odds, but I’ll be even money that Madonna will continue to humiliate herself however she can in order to make the comeback she’s been looking for since swapping spit with Britney.

The Office: How Can We Buy Stock in “Beeswax, Not Yours, Incorporated”?

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STANLEY.JPGWe’re gonna go ahead and say it: Last night’s episode of The Office was our favorite of the season. It had everything a perfect episode needs: Hilarious one-liners, fantastic character interaction, exciting plot development, and Harvey, the talking Boobs robot (post-it note eyes = tree-fibered gold.) The coworkers team up and venture out in pairs in a non-competitive, untimed Amazing Race to sell Dunder-Miflin products. Phyllis (who we adore) hits the beauty salon, and turns Karen into “Ka-Wreennn” from Goodfellas, Dwight and Jim are “the Gay team”, Ryan pulls a “Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration” while on the road with a perkier-than-usual Stanley, and Andy really “schrutes” his relationship with Michael, cranking up the Massengil factor to previously unseen heights. The pairings were perfect, and gave us some sorely missed quality Jim/Dwight time. Plus, the lipstick cams brought to mind something else we’ve been missing — Taxicab Confessions. It’s been years since we’ve seen a meth addict in the back of a car on her way to kill her pimp, ya’ll. Moving on.

So why was this episode the best? First and foremost, we saw the softer, more mature side of Michael Scott. From his refusal to join in the Dwight bashing, to his level-headed Everyman sales technique, to his child-like EQ (Ex.: “You better think about this long and hard.” “That’s what she said.” “Don’t you dare.”), deep down he’s a decent, albeit clueless, kinda guy. Plus, Phyllis dropped the long-dreaded Pam Bomb on Karen, casually mentioning how Jim used to have a “thing” for her. A little bit of us died when hearing that last night.

DWIGHTJIM.JPGLet’s also take a moment to obsess about Angela and Dwight, the most functional couple on TV… Sure, Dwight has his flaws and looks like one of the Buttmans from In Living Color, but way to be a real man, guy! His quitting at the end left us with a few questions: 1. How many minutes into the next episode until he comes crawling back? (Or Michael crawls back to him?) 2. How many minutes until Angela slits Andy’s face, ear to ear? and 3. What will Jim do in his spare time now that Dwight’s gone?

Office Tally has a collection of the numerous quotable quotes from last night, and NBC has quite a worthy deleted scene up. Did you love it as much as we did?

The True Highlight Of My Day– No– Week

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You know how you think you and your friends argue about stupid things? Well, try to top this:

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james brown.jpgATMORE, Ala. (AP) – January 11, 2007 – A man shot a friend when the two got into an argument over James Brown’s height, police said.

Officers said the men were at a friend’s home on Monday when, according to witnesses, the argument over the height of “The Godfather of Soul” escalated, with Gulley shooting Brooks twice in the abdomen. Brooks went to his car, got a gun and shot at Gulley but missed, then went to the police station, officers said. [keep reading]

It gets better. The man who pulled the trigger is 70-years-old! His friend is 62! And officers say that alcohol was not a factor! I love these guys!!!

So how tall was James Brown? You know, I’m not going to tell you. I’m scared. I really don’t want any senior citizens coming after me with shotguns. Those old bastards are crazy.

Read the full story here

ICYMI: Idiocracy Is Hilariously Depressing

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A few months ago, we told you about Hollywood’s burial of Idiocracy, the new film from Office Space director Mike Judge that barely saw the light of day before being inexplicably jerked from theaters. Well, the movie’s now available on DVD and I watched it a couple of nights ago. Basically, it’s a sci-fi satire about American society 500 years in the future, in which our entire country has been taken over by total dumbasses – and considering the state of things today, this comedic vision of the future ends up being both frightening and sad. The movie is slapsticky and over the top at times, but overall very funny and worth a look. Here’s the hilarious intro (language slightly NSFW):

Mary-Kate’s Factory Girl Role: Gone In A New York Minute

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For the past couple of days I’ve avoided posting this video of Mary-Kate Olsen’s *starring* role in the new film Factory Girl. I just felt bad picking on a young girl who had her part cut out of a movie and now has to live with the embarrassment of only appearing as an extra in a single party scene. But then I remembered it was Mary-Kate Olsen… bitch is worth something like a billion dollars. It’s time to rock and roll.

I think she nailed it, don’t you? Make sure you check her out in Pirates of The Caribbean 3- I hear she’s totally convincing as “Sword-Wielding Pirate #3.”

While You Were Feeling Sorta Sorry For Dwight

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  • While dining at an upscale restaurant, Dina Lohan showed off her old school whoring techniques when she let her date fondle her under the table to the shock and horror of nearby diners, once again proving that Lindsay is only an apprentice to this Sith Lord of sleaziness.
  • Having grown bored of neglecting her own children, Britney Spears has adopted a puppy she will be too busy partying with unemployed rap moguls to actually take care of.
  • Paris Hilton’s sidekick (the human, not the phone) Kim Kardashian reportedly appears with an R&B singer in a graphic sex tape with a “golden shower” at the end. Wow, I know these girls are spoiled and all, but a shower made of gold? Seems sort of excessive.
  • Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have officially confirmed their split in a joint statement. He said, “It’s over, yo” and she was like, “But why”, then he’s all, “Because you’re old and every chick in the world wants to bone me”, to which she quietly responded, “Ok.”
  • In an as-yet-untitled new reality show, four dudes who used to be in the boy bands N*SYNC, 98 Degrees, LFO and Color Me Badd will live together for a month, try to create new music, and put on a show performing together. That is if they find the time between gelling their hair and having sex with each other.

Best Night Ever: Thursday, January 11!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Thursday, January 11th! Mindy Raf is here to walk you through the best moments of Thursday night TV, including: Smallville, The Office, Scrubs, The OC, and Nashville Star!