Angelina Jolie Faints for Third Time in Third World

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ANGELINADANIELPEARl1.JPGIndian sources are reporting that Angelina Jolie has fainted for a third time this month while filming an emotionally charged scene in the upcoming Daniel Pearl biopic, A Might Heart in Pune, India. Luckily, Brad Pitt was on hand with smelling salts and a comically oversized fan to bring the actress back to, but we’re concerned. What could possibly be causing The Most Beautiful Woman Alive© to pass out so often?

A few theories. India is a hot country. Now imagine how hot it is when you’re in blackface! Real hot (sources say this is why Al Jolson never made it over to New Delhi — too risky.) Also, lately Angie looks like more Indian food is coming out of her than going in, if you catch our drift. Another more colorful description would be she’s hopped on the number 2 train for an overnight stay at Dehydration Station. We strongly encourage her to take a mini-break to recover. There are currently 46.5 million orphans out there losing sleep over this entire Madonna flibble-flarb. You’re their only hope.

What Came Out Of Britney’s Vagina?

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britneys baby.jpgWhat would you do… if you discovered… that everything you thought you knew about what came out of Britney Spears’ vagina… turned out to be… wrong?

No, that’s not the tagline for a new (awesome) movie. A Britney baby controversy is brewing, and it has to do with the sex and name of the pop star’s latest offspring. According to The Daily News, some diehard fans suspect the baby’s name isn’t Sutton Pierce Federline since Britney never confirmed it. Instead, they think the baby’s name is actually Jayden James. Interesting. Throw that in with X17′s argument that Britney gave birth to a baby girl instead of a boy, and we have a full fledged conspiracy theory on our hands.

What do you think came out of Britney’s vagina? A boy? A girl? Sutton Pierce? Jayden James? Or if she *really* had a C-section, nothing at all? The world may never know.

[Head over to Faded Youth for even more in depth coverage]

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Blame Blaine

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prestige.jpg1. First there was The Illusionist, and now this? Could movies about magicians be the new animated talking animal adventures? And if so, is David Blaine responsible? – $14.8 million

2. See, Hollywood? All you really need to make a decent movie is Jack Nicholson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, and Martin Scorsese directing an adaptation of Chinese smash-hit blockbuster – $13.6 million

3. Sure, the image of these brave WWII soldiers hoisting the stars and stripes over the blood-soaked battlefields of Iwo Jima is pretty iconic – but so is slapping a “support the troops” yellow ribbon flag magnet onto the back of your gas-guzzling Ford F-350! – $10.2 million

4. Wait, what if the animated talking animals could to do magic tricks? Jackpot! – $8 million

5. Talking animals and magic tricks are great and all, but the “little girl who learns how to be a grown-up with the help of her affectionate horse” genre will always be my personal favorite – $7.7 million

BWE SPORTS: Philadelphia Really Is The City Of Brotherly Love

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eagles.JPGMemo To Philadelphia Eagles D-Back Joselio Hanson: When a teammate is talking to reporters in the locker room, it might not be the best idea to– how do we put this tastefully?– drop your pants and reveal your defensive “back” and offensive “front” to the world.

Who knows how much longer this NSFW (unless your job is cool with full frontal man-dong) video is going to remain on the site. But know this; if your girlfriend comes home wearing a brand new Hanson jersey tonight, it’s probably not because she enjoys his style of play.

Happy Anniversary, You iPod You

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Five years ago today, Apple introduced the iPod to the American public. Since then, just about everybody you know has purchased one (or two), you’ve made approximately 3-6 visits to your local Apple store to ask a “genius” why your entire music library is missing, and you’ve downloaded more Journey songs for $.99 a piece than you ever thought imaginable. As a way to pay tribute to five years of portable music and obnoxious dancing shadow commercials, here’s the original iPod introduction featuring Moby and the guy from Smashmouth. Man… a lot really has changed in five years.

While You Were Cancelling That Pesky Adoption…

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Best of the Best Week Ever: World Wrestling Federline

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  • Kevin Federline gets body-slammed on TV, and the world experiences it’s first simultaneous orgasm.
  • The latest season of Project Runway finally gets sewn up, leaving us with nothing to obsess over other than the far less-fabulous culinists of Top Chef.
  • Speaking of, The Borat Movie just can’t come soon enough.
  • We introduce “Show and Tell”, our new feature wherein you can find all the ridiculous celeb photos you’re looking for in one convenient slide show.
  • So much douche, yet only so many days.