SIZZLER: Lohan and Morton Paid to Bang!

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We… we don’t really know where to begin with this one. Our very foundation of what love is built on has been shaken to the core. It seems that the public has been the victim of a very cruel stunt: Lindsay Lohan may have been paid to go out with Pink Taco owner Harry Morton. According to sources, Lindsay and Harry share the same publicist, who thought that a faux-lationship would help boost Morton’s name in the press as well as buzz around his Las Vegas nightclub. Yesterday, the two had a fully-staged lunch set up at The Ivy in Los Angeles, along with a fully functional soundtrack. (Don’t try to imagine it — video footage, thankfully, exists. Take not of the lyrics spilling out of her S.U.V.) What else is fake? Is your hair not chestnut brown? Have you never suffered from heat exhaustion? Is every crotch shot actually a prosthetic vagina? We have a lot of thinking to do.

You Make The Call: Deniro? Or Gifted Impersonator?

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Take a look at this picture of a supposed Robert De Niro meeting with NYC Mayor Bloomberg. There’s something about Bobby Deniro in this picture that is so over-the-top DeNiro that there is no way it actually is him. Hence our question: Is this actually Robert DeNiro? Or has the public been fooled in some sort of Dave-like scenario, a gifted Bobby D. impersonator meeting with dignitaries and the like, while the real Robert DeNiro lays incapacitated in a hospital bed under the White House unbeknownst to the first lady? You make the call!

ICYMI: Muppets Continue to be NSFW

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Did you just feel the earth rumble a little bit? Well don’t sweat it: That’s just Jim Henson rolling over in his grave. The reason is simple. Muppets are dropping the F-Bomb left and right in various dirty-muppet-mashups (dot com?), and the latest offering is a doozer. So sit back, close the door, and enjoy Martin Scorcese‘s Sesame Streets.

YOUTUBULAR: A Beautiful Day in the Arcade

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I don’t know what it is (maybe because it’s Friday) I love so much about this, but there’s just something wonderful about watching a 7 year-old explain Donkey Kong to Mr. Rogers. And it only gets better when Fred decides to take a crack at the game himself. And then somehow even better when “Keith” (who, incidentally, would later become known for exploiting female drug addicts in Requiem For a Dream) comes to service the machine. Check it out!

(via Kotaku)

While You Were Working For The Weekend

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  • nickcarter.jpgNick Carter announced that he lost his virginity to a future sex offender. No, not Paris Hilton, a different sex offender.
  • Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban declared that only a “moron” would buy YouTube. He then offered them $150 million.
  • Secret Service agents wouldn’t let Borat set foot in the White House to invite President Bush to a screening of his new movie. Not because they didn’t find him amusing, but because they were worried W wouldn’t get it.
  • Pink has become the face of a campaign urging gay people to come out. Because there’s just something about a heterosexual musician who’s married to a professional motocross racer that screams “I’m Queer!”
  • The lead singer of The Killers admitted that he hit a man with a car once, badly injuring him. He didn’t actually kill him, though, because that would’ve been soooooo cliche.

…OF THE DAY

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  • TAPES ‘N TAPES: The cassette generator is further proof that I am easily amused. (Says-It)
  • CONSPIRACY THEORY: Could the “Screech Doing a Dirty Sanchez” video really be a big fake-out, cynically intended to drum up publicity for a fading pseudo-star? Is god real? (The AV Club)
  • GRIEF COUNSELOR: The best way to deal with simultaneous birth and death of a child is to marry your sleazy lawyer. Just another lesson in Anna Nicole Smith’s Guide to Better Living Through Insanity. (Dlisted)
  • GLASS-HOUSE-DWELLING STONE THROWER: David Gray, who is about 4 hitless years away from being able to criticize anyone’s pop music talent. (Idolator)
  • INSIGHTFUL OBSERVATION: Lindsay Lohan, not very “low key”. (X17 Online)
  • NOTE TO SELF: Don’t be such a moron and brag about all the free sh*t I get for writing about these idiots. Oops. (RADAR)

ICYMI: Big On Big Action

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Today something amazing happened on The Megan Mullally Show. For the first time since it’s premiere, in front of a live studio audience, much to the surprise of everybody in the room… somebody laughed. Genuinely. Granted, that somebody was Megan Mullally and she was only laughing because Big from Sex And The City was tickling her, but hey… it’s a start.

ICYMI: David Bowie, Comedic Genius?

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Things you knew about David Bowie: 1. He is an icon; 2. He has a gift for music; 3. He might be immortal and 4. He’s unexplainably attractive… but gifted comedian? Watch the following clip of Bowie on the Ricky Gervais show Extras, and judge for yourself. Side note: “Chubby Little Loser” is in the top running for our future wedding song.

ICYMI: Borat Responds to President of Kazakhstan

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Much has been made over the Kazakhstani government’s fury about being portrayed as hilarious people with moustaches in the upcoming Borat Movie. They’ve raised $40 million dollars to produce a film to counter-balance the “negative propaganda” they fear will result from Borat‘s arrival stateside (though something tells us their cinematic endeavor won’t enjoy quite the same profits), and they’re even threatening to sue comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, the man responsible for making it so you won’t be able to walk down the street in a couple of months without hearing every other person saying, “It’s Niiiice”. But let’s take a moment and hear what Borat had to say about all of this controversey in this video message he posted on his website awhile back: