- AMERICAN IDOL: The 8-year-old boy who caught a glimpse of Jessica Alba in a bikini is having the best life ever. Now if only he understood why. (DoubleViking)
- HUMAN TOILET: Kim Kardashian allegedly engages in water sports on her rumored sex tape. And just like that, Paris Hilton becomes the “classy” friend.(IDLYITW)
- PRIVACY SHMIVACY: I don’t care if John Mayer is a private person– if you’re dating Jessica Simpson, it’s your duty to start bragging. To EVERYBODY. (A Socialite’s Life)
- SURPRISE SURPRISE: O.J. Simpson’s girlfriend allegedly dumped him because he was paranoid and jealous. Let’s jump ahead a bit and report this before anybody else– O.J. Simpson murders another white woman! (Celebitchy)
- F YOU BALTIMORE: The language is NSFW… which is why this is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. Enjoy. (Collegehumor)
Your wish is my command! Here is yet another clip from our new favorite show, All My Children, and what we consider to be the best two-worded line read of 2007. It’s no “I Have a Penis” (and what is?), but it’s better than nothing.
Nobody hates fratty drinking games more than myself (not including this past Thanksgiving, when I was roped into a game of beer pong against my will, mind you, only to find that I had a preternatural talent for landing neon balls in faraway cups, a skill you would think I had learned back in college, but then you would be mistaken as I went to a school full of anti-frat nerds. Point being I hated beer pong until I actually tried it, and now it’s “not so bad.” This information shall, of course, not be repeated.)
Moving along, it wasn’t until earlier today that a drinking game so caught our fancy that we were forced to pour the current martini we were nusring in some urine sample cups and down them right here at our desk. The game is called DRINKO, a play off of The Price Is Right‘s Plinko (Best Game Ever? Yes.) The game is simple: Drop a little colored chip (which you presumably win from a tiny lazy-susanned price game run by a blonde dwarf) into the pegs, watch as it works its way down the board and lands in a shot, remove chip, and drink shot.
The saddest thing about this whole affair? The Drinko Amazon.com page has only one related search: Father’s Day. Sob. Double sob? Target has stopped selling it. Where the hell can a damn young lady buy Drinko these days? We wanna try to get in a few rounds with Bob Barker before he… you know… “goes.” (via TVTattle)
More high res shots here if you dare.
Are you in dire need of 13 new MySpace “friends”? Of course you are. Well, today’s your lucky day.
douchebags contestants of VH1’s ridiculously popular show I Love New York have all set up MySpace pages, and you can find their profiles over at Young, Black, and Fabulous. I recommend you check out Mr. Boston first. Not only does he look and sound like Tom Brady if everything went wrong, but his “Who I’d Like To Meet” is perfect. Oh, and don’t waste your time visiting Chance’s page; it’s actually harder to understand than he is.
After visiting their pages and sizing up the suitors, let us know who you think New York is going to end up with. After discovering that Onix’s profile song is “Slam” by Onyx, I’m pulling for him now. I loved that song… when I was 13.
Lindsay Lohan is running through the streets in a bikini while smoking a cigarette because…why?
(pic via Yeeeah!)
We love our local newscasters– they’re so much more… what’s the word?… unprofessional than our national ones. Take this clip from yesterday’s NBC newscast. After debating the merits of dental floss with Brian Williams, local anchor Sue Simmons is so bored she literally falls off her chair at the newsdesk. We’d agree with Brian’s take on her antics (“Awful”), but honestly, Sue falling off her chair is the only thing that kept us in ours.
How great was that? Now it’s your move, Steve Bartelstein. How are you gonna top that? Huh?
- Not only do Snakes Got A Blog, they also got damn good taste. Head over there now for brand new tracks by the Arcade Fire and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
- Quick- teach your mom how to use “the online”– Idolator has a new Norah Jones track available for download.
- If you can’t wait for the new Of Montreal album, go check out Harmonium. They have 2 new songs for you impatient bastards.
- For some classic Guided by Voices tracks, head on over to rbally. Each song you download makes you 5% cooler.
- And finally, how many damn bands does Damon Albarn need? First Blur, then Gorillaz and now he’s fronting The Good, The Bad And The Queen. Based on the man’s track record, you owe it to him to visit We Say Disco and download a couple of songs.
We’re not sure whether this Fresh Faces of Comedy clip awarding Best Week Ever to Saddam Hussein is a tribute to us or a parody of us, but we are fairly certain that comedic pop culture recapping should be left to the pros. Thanks to CollegeHumor for the tip!
Look, it’s a REALLY slow news day and all, so why don’t we all just stop for a moment and watch some animated penguins get down on some of that Dirty South crunk by my cold-ass homie Lil’ Wayne? Great.
UPDATE: Well, contrary to what my totally bangin’ gangsta writing would lead you to believe, I was not familiar with this song prior to hearing it in this video. I thought the guy was saying “Walk It Off”, which is in fact a ditty by Lil’ Wayne. However, as it would turn out, he’s saying “Walk It Out”, which is by DJ Unk. I apologize for my inability to understand his pronunciation, and for being the whitest person imaginable.