This Thanksgiving, when a friend served a delicious eggplant curry with jasmin rice that was made in a flash, we had to know “Where’d you get the recipe?” Well, we nearly spit the food right back into a baby bird’s mouth when we learned it was Rachael Ray. Most of the recipes we’ve seen her make on her morning talk show include “Take some Doritos, mash em up, and throw em in a Cup o’ Noodles” style preparation. But it wasn’t even her food we disliked so much as her tiny-armed hobbity presence and larger than life Chupacabra mouth. We know we won’t make friend when we say this, but Rachael Ray kinda sucks.
Which is why we were elaaaated when TV Tattle pointed us towards an entire Livejournal community of people who also think Rachael Ray sucks! Called Rachael Ray Sucks, it includes over 1,000 people who agree that she is a “talentless twit.” Fans of Ray should take a look and see if they don’t find one thing to agree on (like the genius invention of a Rachael Ray Mouth Guard.) But seriously, if I have to watch the girl chew one more thing on live TV, I’m going to lose it.
Nicole Richie fired her stylist, who fired back claiming that she left voluntarily, which pissed off some publicists, and blah blah blah, Nicole wrote this on her MySpace blog:
BLIND ITEM: What 35 year old raisin face whispers her order of 3 peices of asparagus for dinner at Chateau everynight, and hides her deathly disorder by pointing the finger at me, and used her last paycheck I wrote her to pay for a publisist instead of a nutritionist?
HINT: Her nickname is lettucecup…
BLIND ITEM: What 26 year-old blogger doesn’t remotely give a sh*t about some spoiled trainwreck celebutard’s idiotic feud with her drug-addled ex-”stylist”, and feels ashamed for humanity that such inane garbage could possibly be considered “news”?
HINT: He regretfully wrote this post.
Post-Federline, we the American public have been forced to accept several different versions of Miss Britney Spears. In the few weeks since her split the woman has re-invented herself more times than Madonna. From the cleaned-up mother of two to the cootch-flashing party girl to the intellectual bookworm, Britney is keeping us on our toes. In fact, we have no idea what to expect next. Tomorrow the paparazzi could snap a pic of Britney dressed like a nun, fighting ninjas or even wearing blackface and we wouldn’t blink. Well… maybe we’d blink a little.
The point is, we’re tired of being f’d around with. Britney… please… pick one. Be classy, be a whore or be… well, whatever it is you are when you wear glasses and a stupid hat. Just be yourself, okay? We’ll love you no matter what (but especially if you choose “whore.”)
It’s so good, you will actually hate yourself for not thinking of it first. Please enjoy this parody of our favorite Dateline NBC feature, whose name will tell you all you need to know: To Catch THE Predator.
Our nerdy step sibling over at Web Junk has discovered a list of the top ten Internet “Viral Vidz” of all time, based on the number of times each clip has been viewed. Coming it an the top spot, with over 900 MILLION views, is the legendary “Star Wars Kid”, in which a portly young fellow wages a suprisingly skilled lightsaber battle against no one in particular (we’ve posted the clip below in honor of his Jedi-like achievement). At number two we have the infamous “Numa Numa Kid” clip, depicting an equally husky young lad (in fact, they could almost be brothers) executing a flawless choreographed dance routine to a Romanian techno song, all while sitting down in front of his computer. And the bronze medal, with 400 million views, is “One Night In Paris”, the hilarious tale of some spoiled whore who allowed a sleazy producer-type to film her sexual incompetence. Way to go, kids!
It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, November 27th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including The Bachelor: Rome, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60, and Wifeswap!
Fabian Basabe – an NYC breath-waster you probably don’t remember from his “filmed account of staggering douchebaggery” reality show that came and went last year on late night cable – was arrested on Thanksgiving for drunk driving his way around the Upper West Side. As if endangering the lives of (relatively) innocent people by tooling around in his unnecessary Hummer completely sh*tfaced wasn’t douchey enough, Basabe is blaming the “bumbling” cops for targeting him because he’s famous. First of all, Fabs – you’re not famous. Just because you happen to be a repulsive enough specimen of humanity that the E! network mistakenly thought it might be funny to follow you around with cameras, does not mean that you’d be recognized by anyone outside of insomniacs, gay hairdressers and people whose TV is broken and permanently stuck on E!. Second of all, if you simply HAD to get wasted and drive around Manhattan, the least you could have done is pulled a Lizzie Grubman, headed on down to the Meatpacking District and crashed your land tank through the front doors of Marquee, Bungalow 8, or any of the other moron magnets full of people who should be put out of our misery. So despite all the fame and fortune you’ve deluded yourseld into thinking you possess, it’s time for you to sober up, Champ. And the first step is admitting that you’re today’s Daily Douche.
One of the greatest pleasures of this job is getting to observe TMZ’s footage of the little One Act plays performed nightly at the velvet rope outside of Hyde Nightclub, in which some J-lister tries lying and name-dropping their way into Hollywood’s hottest place full of idiots. In this edition, prior to a 30 Seconds to Mars after-party, Tila Tequila, despite having a bajillion MySpace friends, gets repeatedly “shot down” (pun!) by Bouncer McMoustache. After her best efforts to convince him that Jared Leto is “her boyfriend” (even whipping out her Sidekick of Truth to proudly display a “cum 2 hyde & do me” text message sent to her by the manscara-wearing rock wannabe only minutes beforehand) prove unsuccessful, Leto himself shows up moments later and valiantly offers Tila a spot on his goth coattails as he sashays into the totally dark and mysterious dance club to drink Red Bull & Blood cocktails. For a guy who hates bloggers so much, we’re glad to know that his malice doesn’t include those bloggers who blog about pouring vodka on their tits. Also, we’re surprised Jared didn’t have his 30STM after-party in the basement of the parents of one of the message board fans he cares so much about? But I’m sure the “Echelon” kids were on the list.