Hey, He DOES Kinda Look Like John Mayer!

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johnmayerblog.jpgI’m gonna go ahead an admit this: I can’t stand John Mayer the Musician, but I’m starting to become something of a fan of John Mayer the Funny Guy/Blogger. In his latest post, John discovers MyHeritage, an amusing website on which users can have their picture analyzed by a special facial recognition technology, then told which celebrities they most resemble. While he’s not breaking any news (I blogged about MyHeritage all the way back in April and was shocked to discover that I look like Marky-Mark), John has a pretty hilarious revelation: he bears a 72% resemblance to Academy Award-winner Jessica Lange, but only a 62% resemblance to John Mayer the Musician. Crazy computers!

LISTEN UP: H To The Izzo is B To The Izzack

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  • Jay-Z is back! Yeah, he never went away, but he’s back! Idolator has the lead track off his latest comeback album, so go grab it now.
  • A big thank you to
    Music For Kids Who Can’t Read Good
    for posting the Arcade Fire cover of that great New Order song from the Marie Antoinette commercials, as well as a Cure song from the soundtrack.
  • Dreams of Horses has a couple of Yeah Yeah Yeah B-sides today that prove they couldn’t write a bad song if they tried.
  • Tunes Help You Live More Easily has a handful of TITs by The Lemonheads today. That’s “Tropical Island Tunes”, pervert.
  • And finally, Neiles Life keeps on truckin’ with their 125 Albums That Should Be In Your Collection. So head on over there for tracks by Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Blink-182, Warren G and a whole lot more.

ICYMI: Bing-Bong, It’s Tootie

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The Facts of Life has never shied away from the hard issues. Just when Mrs. Garrett and the gang seem to be leading the normal boarding school life, someone needs an emergency abortion or something of the like. We remember one episode, where Jo wrote an article about a teacher she hated, accusing him of being at a coke party/cokehead. The teacher resigns, even though Jo fesses up, and at the end of the episode Jo openly weeps: “But Mr. Henderson!” she says, “This isn’t fair! It’s my fault. Please, let me do something!” Mr. Henderson replies. “You want to do something? Then help me pack,” spins round and walks out of the room, leaving Jo a tearful mess. Silence. And then? Yyyyyyyyou take the good! You take the bad! You take them both! And then you have! The Facts of Life! (tinkling of the keys) The Facts of Life!

Relive another fantastic drug related scene, courtesy of Defamer, where Tootie and Natalie bring Mrs. Garrett a gift. More specifically, a bong. If this clip were an actor, it would be Brill Paxton.

Today’s “Hey, You’re Not Looking Half Bad Award” Goes To…

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Wynona Judd. The pink lipstick adds a little youthful flair to the robust 43-year-old, and her shiny new brunette locks draw attention to her round-yet-beautiful face. We know you’ve had your ups and downs Wynny, but chins up, eh? You’re not looking half bad!

(phone ringing)

Myello? Hi. Yeah, the Wynona post… ok, right, uh-huh… wait, that’s not Wynona Judd? That’s Lindsay Lohan?! Holy f***ing sh**. F*** me up the ***** with a ****en ***. What happened to her?! Oh I. I’ve gotta go think about things. This just isn’t right. Ok. Yeah, call me when you get to Applebee’s. Cool, bye.

Ed. Note: We’ll still FedEx Wynony her award, cause upon further research, she really isn’t looking half bad. Lindsay, on the other hand, needs to start banging her Poland Springs delivery man, because this is inexcusable.

REMINDER: Scarlett Johansson Is Hot

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Scarlett Johansson and Mrs. Marilyn Manson, a.k.a. Dita Von Teese have combined forces (and 1/2 naked bodies) for a recent Flaunt magazine layout. The point of the shoot wasn’t to promote a movie, rather it was an attempt to transform every heterosexual man in this country into a bondage/S&M loving kinky sex-freak. Nice work, Scarlett; Mission Accomplished.

Head over to Egotastic to check out the pictures. Now, I’m not about to knock Scarlett’s film career, but first the Vanity Fair cover and now this… am I the only person who enjoys her magazine layouts more than her movies?

THE DAILY HASSLE: The Greatest Hoffline of All Time

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If you pay close attention to the career of The Hoff (and you should!), you will have observed that, in the realm of print news coverage, there are Headlines (say, “Teens ‘Egging On’ Foley in Online Sex Scandal”) and there are Hofflines (“David Hasselhoff: Princess Di Wanted Me”, for example), which address the various morsels of amazingness The Hoff and his crack team of publicity pros choose to share with the press, maybe or maybe not knowing full well that the sheer audacity of their claims will attract baffled posts from mind-blown bloggers such as this one. Anyways, this is the greatest Hoffline they have heretofore concocted:

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When asked to respond, K.I.T.T. shot back, “Oh yeah, well for the record, running all over a beach with a stupid floatie thing seems like something only a total faggot would do”, his lights flashing angrily.

THE DAILY DOUCHE: Wasted Away Again In Ecstasy-ville

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Jimmy-Buffett.jpgI don’t know if you kids already have weekend plans, but heading to the nearest body of water and sitting around on your buddy’s pontoon boat listening to “Cheeseburger In Paradise” while tripping your f*cking face off on ecstasy sure does sound like a great idea. But we can’t take credit for that little nugget of “good times” gold – the glory’s gotta go to our boy Jimmy Buffet, everyone’s favorite tropical bird head who was busted with 100 E pills, and thus deserves the honor of being named today’s Daily Douche! If we’re lucky he’ll hook up with Willie Nelson for 2007′s Psychedelic Geezers Tour!

How To Ask Out A Supermodel: Tip #1, Shave

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Fellaaaaaaahz! Ever gone out with your lady, and wished she would magically grow a foot and expose her spinal column to you? Well now you can toss that tiny beeznatch to the side, because you — yes, YOU! — are about to find out what it takes to ask out a supermodel. Take a look at the brave David Jr., who went directly to the coked-up source to get the goods. David’s chances of getting a model to date him are pretty great, as they can definitely smell the Big Mac in his beard.