LISTEN UP: Stick To The Subjects

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  • Visit Berkeley Place if you want to hear We Are Scientists covering Boyz II Men and Phil Collins. C’mon, you know you do.
  • Hate Something Beautiful is celebrating Morrissey’s upcoming trip to L.A. by posting two kinda-L.A. related tracks. Go download “You’re The One For Me, Fatty” for the title.
  • I’m ridiculously excited for the debut album by The Subjects. Head over to Puddlegum to preview a couple of tracks now.
  • My Old Kentucky Blog posted a few tracks by Malajube- a band that apparently everybody loves but nobody understands. I’m gonna have to check them out, because I’m a follower.
  • And finally I Am Fuel, You Are Friends has a radio rip of a brand new Pearl Jam song, “Love Reign O’er Me”. Do it.

Apple Takes Next Cool-Looking Steps Towards Your Complete Isolation From The Rest Of Mankind

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giant apple iphone rings.jpgToday the BWE.tv offices have been set abuzz by the latest breaking news from Steve Jobs’ declaration of what you will buy this year keynote address at the MacWorld Expo in San Francisco. As everyone expected, the big announcement was the unveiling of the iPhone – a new iPod/cell phone/video player/internet browser that will make it easier than ever for you to avoid verbally or persoally interacting with other human beings. We’re not sure how much this new gizmo is going to set you back, but chances are you’re going to see a whole new set of “Mac Vs. PC” ads in which an aging, overweight secretary plays a BlackBerry and a buxom young lingerie model portrays the sexy new iPhone. It doesn’t ship until June, but you had better have one by July lest you endure the patronizing scorn of your hipster peers.

Nicole Richie Has Gained 3 Pounds While Losting 10!

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Those 10 being Rachel Zoe.

When TMZ reported that they had new shots of Nicole Richie in bikini, our mouse-clicking finger trembled in anticipation. How bony would she be? Would she have pizza cheese dangling out of her mouth? Would her tibia/coccyx be making an appearance?

Well, we are happy to report that our constant berating has seemed to really make a difference:

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Goodbye Sinewy Johnson and hello Ribsy LaRue! She really is looking a tiny bit healthier. We wonder how much of an impact breaking up with Rachel Zoe had on her new, barely fleshier appearance. Either way, only 10 more pounds til she hits “too skinny to model” territory.

ICYMI: The Wicker Man Starring Nicholas Cage, Edited Down Into A Movie Worth Watching

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I’m a fan of the original 70’s version The Wicker Man. It’s this completely bizarre thriller about a Scottish cop who travels to a remote island to investigate a mysterious kidnapping, then discovers a whole bunch of craziness – it’s awesome, Netflix it. Anyway, I – along with the rest of the moviegoing public – ignored the Nicholas Cage remake that came out last year, knowing that it would inevitably suck. Luckily, a good soul has edited out all the overblown Hollywood crap, leaving 2 minutes of delicious out-of-context hilarity. “Oh no, NOT THE BEES!”

Latoya Jackson Delivers Baby on Freeway… Seriously

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Latoya Jackson.JPGWe’ll admit it. The only reason we’re posting this bit of news is because when else, in the history of the universe, will we have a chance to type out the following combination of letters and spaces and have it be true: Latoya Jackson Delivers Baby on Freeway. Read it again, the glody and complete madness of the situation. Imagine how the mother must’ve felt, screeching to a halt on the side of the road, her feet soaked in wombwater, her contractions growing closer and more painful. She stumbles out of her car into the bright L.A. sun, only to see a figure approach. Surely, the expectant mother’s first thought was “the grim reaper is here to take my baby.” Her second thought was probs “Oh wait, that’s just Michael Jackson‘s sister.” It is then the real fear gripped her by the throat, unable to let go, strangling her livelihood until her little angel fell from betwixt her loins and into the decrepit hands of Molesty-by-Association Jones.

Check out this scene and more on Latoya’s new reality show Armed & Famous, premiering on CBS tomorrow night!

Happy “Break Your New Year’s Resolutions” Day!

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christian.JPGThis morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck claimed that most people break their New Year’s resolutions on January 9th. Since I obtain all my daily knowledge from The View (and more specifically, Elisabeth Hasselbeck), I have no choice but to accept this as fact.

Last week BWE’s Christian Finnegan took a look at the resolutions of the random and noteworthy. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that Randy Johnson, Fergie, the Fanning sisters and everybody else on the list has the will power to buckle up and stick to the resolutions that they made. Because I really think that the world would be a much better place in ’07 if Randy re-grows his kick-ass mullet, don’t you?

AD WIZARDS: Official Vodka of the Lohanvolution

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Rehydrate. Rehabilitate. Intoxicate. Introducing Adequite, the world’s first single-grain triple-distilled luxury vodka available in a discreet plastic container that resembles an innocent – yet stylish – water bottle. Specially developed by troubled alcohol enthusiast and occasional movie actress Lindsay Lohan, Adequite is the solution to the problem you’re not ready to admit you have.

(Click image for full-size ad.)

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Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz Shows Overeager Security Guard What Emo Badassness Is All About

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Punching videos must be the theme of the day. If you sit through a couple minutes of god-awful howling and incoherent “emo rocking” in the amateur concert video below, you’ll get to witness Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz pounce from the stage onto the head of a security guard who’s being paid not very much money to protect Pete’s band from the hordes of drunken high school kids attending the show. The beatdown started after the security guard, foolishly trying to do his job, came to blows with a FOB roadie/stoner buddy who kept pulling more kids up to the crowded stage. Rejoining the band after his flying elbow drop, Wentz grabs a microphone and announces, “That’s what happens when you f*ck with my friends, you f*cking asshole!” Pretty hardcore fightin’ words from a guy who takes cellphone pictures of his c*ck.

Tigger, Please! Plushie Punches Annoying Kid

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A few days ago, we learned of an incident at Walt Disney World where Tigger, Pooh’s best friend and/or an unemployed actor in a giant tiger costume, slapping some kid across the face — and that the whole affair was caught on tape. Well, brace yourselves, because the tape has finally become public. Check it out, and then read our analysis.

Our thoughts:

1. It seems to us the kid either did something to provoke the tiger, or, considering the man is in a 100-pound plush unisuit, Tigger didn’t realize he was hitting the kid in the face. Actually, as some have pointed out, Tigger is clearly losing his balance and about to fall over the fence.

2. That being said, the kid will likely still get a good amount of money. Disney is obsessed with their sugar-coated image — take, for example, their phenomenon of exporting corpses off premises before they’re pronounced dead, so that they may tout: Disneyworld: No Dead People in 50 Years! Point being, they’ll pay this kid to shut him up…

3. And good thinking. What an annoying a-hole that teen is! We would’ve hit him to. Without the benefit of a plush-padded paw.

4. Our favorite quote: “Everyone has apologize to me but Tigger. He won’t be a man about it.”