GAMES: Trump Vs. Rosie– Fight!

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trumprosie.JPGOkay, we’ve had it with this Donald Trump / Rosie O’Donnell fight. Enough is enough. Unless the words “steel cage match” or “fight to the death” are added to this feud, we don’t want to read another word about it. Got it? Got it.

If you’re as sick of Rosie and Donald as we are, get out some frustration by playing this Rosie vs. Donald Street Fighter game. You can punch, kick, and insult your opponent into submission. If only it was that easy.

(note: Despite the fact that I just wrote about how I don’t want to read about this feud any longer, that does NOT mean that I’m not going to write about these idiots again. I have to. Like brushing my teeth, drinking my morning coffee and watching Judge Hatchett, it’s a part of my life that I just can’t ignore. Please don’t hold that against me. Thank you for understanding.)

While You Were Secretly Enjoying the Smell of Gas

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  • Page Six is reporting that Rosie O’Donnell and Barbara Walters got into a huge fight backstage prior to yesterday’s episode of The View. Rosie was mad at Barbara for not saying Donald Trump was lying when he called Rosie names because Rosie got mad at Donald for…zzz…what?
  • Paris Hilton says she’s ready to get serious about her acting career. In fact, she’s going to start by trying to not act like such a whore all the time.
  • Titanic director James Cameron is finally getting behind the camera again to make a new film called Avatar, a three hour action adventure epic about some kid’s AIM icon.
  • Britney Spears has kicked off her “Classy of ’07” initiative in a neon bikini, on a boat, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes with some K-Fed-esque white rapper wannabe sporting a doo-rag and a lower back tattoo.
  • Hilary Swank was given her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame along with another Best Actress Oscar, just for the hell of it.

Best Night Ever: Monday, January 8th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, January 8th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best moments of Monday night TV, including: Gay, Straight, or Taken, How I Met Your Mother, Deal or No Deal, and the Flavor of Love Spin Off I Love New York!

…Of The Day

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  • BIG QUESTION: Who killed hip-hop? Surprisingly, the answer is not K-Fed. (Blender)
  • SHUT THE F**K UP: Telling your blogging friends that the word “blogosphere” is stupid isn’t enough anymore. You need a T-shirt with Jules from Pulp Fiction to really make your point. (Boing Boing)
  • JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR: You shoot, Jesus saves: The figurines! (Deadspin)
  • ROCK N’ ROLL, THE NEW CLASS: Van Halen, R.E.M., and Grandmaster Flash are heading to the Hall. David Lee Roth has already begun Botoxing his face in anticipation. (Stereogum)
  • CORKY ROMAN-O, REALLY?: Chris Kattan is engaged… to a woman. No s**t? (TMZ)

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: The View Dabbles in Hypocrisy

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There’s nothing we enjoy less than a round of “When should the troops come home” on The View. But you know what’s worse than sitting through Hasselbeck‘s furrowed brow? Capping off the liberal convo with a commercial… FOR THE ARMY. What you are about to see is exactly what was shown on ABC this morning. We cut the best quotes to give you an idea of their conversation, but keep watching… we’re dumbstruck.

UPDATE: Paris Hilton Is Still An Idiot

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pariscar.jpgIf you’ve ever visited Splash News, you’d know that their bread and butter is taking pictures of celebrities doing things 24/7. (look! Courtney Cox is walking a dog! Jackpot!) Recently, though, a couple of photographers got some unexpected excitement when Paris Hilton ran out of gas; proving once and for all that she really does lead a Simple Life. Do your best not to laugh when the socialite whines “I’ve never put gas in this car. I forgot” in her trying-to-be-adorable baby voice. You’ll only encourage her.

If you want to watch the video of Paris’ car stalling, click here. But if you want to watch the video of Paris’ career stalling, click here instead.

Renée Zellweger Actually Does Smell Something Bad

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Rene.JPGYou know how everytime you see Renée Zellweger, you’re all “who farted?” Well, it turns out, Renée’s laziness farted, as the actress finally took the time to explain her perma-stink expression:

The ‘Miss Potter’ actress has been so busy with work and away from her home so much recently she has completely neglected her domestic responsibilities.

She said: “I need to clean my house! It’s so messy now it’s practically uninhabitable. There are probably mice and cockroaches there by now!”

So now you know. Renée Zellweger lives like a hobo with a Prada bindle. You may continue on with your duties of the day.

Donald Trump’s Fake War With Rosie Yields Roughly Same Results As President Bush’s With Iraq

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trumpmoron.jpgDid you watch last night’s premiere of the new season of The Apprentice? Neither did I. In fact, last night was the lowest rated season premiere in the show’s history, finishing in third place after Desperate Housewives and Cold Case (which I’ve never even heard of). So now that “Operation: Total Jackass” – in which Donald Trump spent the entire holiday season tirelessly appearing on every celebrity news program in existence to call Rosie O’Donnell childish names – has clearly failed to drum up enough “scandal” publicity to jump-charge the flat-lining ratings for his show, The Donald must head back to the drawing board to cobble together yet another fake-harebrained scheme for getting people to watch a reality program about whether or not a bunch of aspiring yuppie d-bags can convince one enormous yuppie d-bag to give them a spot in his bloated empire of yuppie d-baggery (this year, it’s set in LA!). So far, “Plan B” publicity ideas include a) calling Anderson Cooper a “faggot” during a primetime CNN interview, b) slipping footage of a coked up Miss USA having a lesbian 3-way into the show, and c) finding “The Nielsons” (whoever they are) and having them killed.