TV BUZZ: House Is About To Get Fratty

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DMBhouse.jpgAccording to Variety, Frat Guy Messiah jambander Dave Matthews is scheduled to guest star on an upcoming epsiode of popular medical comedrama House:

Matthews will play a savant who was hit by a bus when he was 10. The accident affected his mental development but suddenly gave him the ability to play the piano flawlessly despite never having taken a lesson.

Dr. House (Hugh Laurie) is brought in after the virtuoso begins suffering seizures and the character’s father (Kurtwood Smith) must decide whether to cure the impairment — and lose his son’s musical gift.

It’s wonderful to see the realms of real life and art converge in an hour of heartstring-pulling television in which viewers will hang on the edge of their seats wondering whether or not Dave will be able to pull through a life-threatening surgery with his ability to wail gratingly while d*cking around on his guitar for hours still intact!

CAPTION THIS: Superfly Rosie Snuka

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The Rosie O’ Donald Dispute horse has been beaten beyond death, but the “WWE Raw” parody wrestling match between an overweight woman and an actor in a wig worse than The Donald’s? Awesome.

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(pic via ONTD)

LISTEN UP: Stick To The Subjects

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  • Visit Berkeley Place if you want to hear We Are Scientists covering Boyz II Men and Phil Collins. C’mon, you know you do.
  • Hate Something Beautiful is celebrating Morrissey’s upcoming trip to L.A. by posting two kinda-L.A. related tracks. Go download “You’re The One For Me, Fatty” for the title.
  • I’m ridiculously excited for the debut album by The Subjects. Head over to Puddlegum to preview a couple of tracks now.
  • My Old Kentucky Blog posted a few tracks by Malajube- a band that apparently everybody loves but nobody understands. I’m gonna have to check them out, because I’m a follower.
  • And finally I Am Fuel, You Are Friends has a radio rip of a brand new Pearl Jam song, “Love Reign O’er Me”. Do it.

Apple Takes Next Cool-Looking Steps Towards Your Complete Isolation From The Rest Of Mankind

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giant apple iphone rings.jpgToday the BWE.tv offices have been set abuzz by the latest breaking news from Steve Jobs’ declaration of what you will buy this year keynote address at the MacWorld Expo in San Francisco. As everyone expected, the big announcement was the unveiling of the iPhone – a new iPod/cell phone/video player/internet browser that will make it easier than ever for you to avoid verbally or persoally interacting with other human beings. We’re not sure how much this new gizmo is going to set you back, but chances are you’re going to see a whole new set of “Mac Vs. PC” ads in which an aging, overweight secretary plays a BlackBerry and a buxom young lingerie model portrays the sexy new iPhone. It doesn’t ship until June, but you had better have one by July lest you endure the patronizing scorn of your hipster peers.

Nicole Richie Has Gained 3 Pounds While Losting 10!

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Those 10 being Rachel Zoe.

When TMZ reported that they had new shots of Nicole Richie in bikini, our mouse-clicking finger trembled in anticipation. How bony would she be? Would she have pizza cheese dangling out of her mouth? Would her tibia/coccyx be making an appearance?

Well, we are happy to report that our constant berating has seemed to really make a difference:

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Goodbye Sinewy Johnson and hello Ribsy LaRue! She really is looking a tiny bit healthier. We wonder how much of an impact breaking up with Rachel Zoe had on her new, barely fleshier appearance. Either way, only 10 more pounds til she hits “too skinny to model” territory.

ICYMI: The Wicker Man Starring Nicholas Cage, Edited Down Into A Movie Worth Watching

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I’m a fan of the original 70′s version The Wicker Man. It’s this completely bizarre thriller about a Scottish cop who travels to a remote island to investigate a mysterious kidnapping, then discovers a whole bunch of craziness – it’s awesome, Netflix it. Anyway, I – along with the rest of the moviegoing public – ignored the Nicholas Cage remake that came out last year, knowing that it would inevitably suck. Luckily, a good soul has edited out all the overblown Hollywood crap, leaving 2 minutes of delicious out-of-context hilarity. “Oh no, NOT THE BEES!”

Latoya Jackson Delivers Baby on Freeway… Seriously

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Latoya Jackson.JPGWe’ll admit it. The only reason we’re posting this bit of news is because when else, in the history of the universe, will we have a chance to type out the following combination of letters and spaces and have it be true: Latoya Jackson Delivers Baby on Freeway. Read it again, the glody and complete madness of the situation. Imagine how the mother must’ve felt, screeching to a halt on the side of the road, her feet soaked in wombwater, her contractions growing closer and more painful. She stumbles out of her car into the bright L.A. sun, only to see a figure approach. Surely, the expectant mother’s first thought was “the grim reaper is here to take my baby.” Her second thought was probs “Oh wait, that’s just Michael Jackson‘s sister.” It is then the real fear gripped her by the throat, unable to let go, strangling her livelihood until her little angel fell from betwixt her loins and into the decrepit hands of Molesty-by-Association Jones.

Check out this scene and more on Latoya’s new reality show Armed & Famous, premiering on CBS tomorrow night!