This morning on The View, Elisabeth Hasselbeck claimed that most people break their New Year’s resolutions on January 9th. Since I obtain all my daily knowledge from The View (and more specifically, Elisabeth Hasselbeck), I have no choice but to accept this as fact.
Last week BWE’s Christian Finnegan took a look at the resolutions of the random and noteworthy. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that Randy Johnson, Fergie, the Fanning sisters and everybody else on the list has the will power to buckle up and stick to the resolutions that they made. Because I really think that the world would be a much better place in ’07 if Randy re-grows his kick-ass mullet, don’t you?
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Punching videos must be the theme of the day. If you sit through a couple minutes of god-awful howling and incoherent “emo rocking” in the amateur concert video below, you’ll get to witness Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz pounce from the stage onto the head of a security guard who’s being paid not very much money to protect Pete’s band from the hordes of drunken high school kids attending the show. The beatdown started after the security guard, foolishly trying to do his job, came to blows with a FOB roadie/stoner buddy who kept pulling more kids up to the crowded stage. Rejoining the band after his flying elbow drop, Wentz grabs a microphone and announces, “That’s what happens when you f*ck with my friends, you f*cking asshole!” Pretty hardcore fightin’ words from a guy who takes cellphone pictures of his c*ck.
A few days ago, we learned of an incident at Walt Disney World where Tigger, Pooh’s best friend and/or an unemployed actor in a giant tiger costume, slapping some kid across the face — and that the whole affair was caught on tape. Well, brace yourselves, because the tape has finally become public. Check it out, and then read our analysis.
1. It seems to us the kid either did something to provoke the tiger, or, considering the man is in a 100-pound plush unisuit, Tigger didn’t realize he was hitting the kid in the face. Actually, as some have pointed out, Tigger is clearly losing his balance and about to fall over the fence.
2. That being said, the kid will likely still get a good amount of money. Disney is obsessed with their sugar-coated image — take, for example, their phenomenon of exporting corpses off premises before they’re pronounced dead, so that they may tout: Disneyworld: No Dead People in 50 Years! Point being, they’ll pay this kid to shut him up…
3. And good thinking. What an annoying a-hole that teen is! We would’ve hit him to. Without the benefit of a plush-padded paw.
4. Our favorite quote: “Everyone has apologize to me but Tigger. He won’t be a man about it.”
Okay, we’ve had it with this Donald Trump / Rosie O’Donnell fight. Enough is enough. Unless the words “steel cage match” or “fight to the death” are added to this feud, we don’t want to read another word about it. Got it? Got it.
If you’re as sick of Rosie and Donald as we are, get out some frustration by playing this Rosie vs. Donald Street Fighter game. You can punch, kick, and insult your opponent into submission. If only it was that easy.
(note: Despite the fact that I just wrote about how I don’t want to read about this feud any longer, that does NOT mean that I’m not going to write about these idiots again. I have to. Like brushing my teeth, drinking my morning coffee and watching Judge Hatchett, it’s a part of my life that I just can’t ignore. Please don’t hold that against me. Thank you for understanding.)
Itâ€™s Best Night Ever for Monday, January 8th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best moments of Monday night TV, including: Gay, Straight, or Taken, How I Met Your Mother, Deal or No Deal, and the Flavor of Love Spin Off I Love New York!
On the left, an inbred white tiger. On the right, actor Luis GuzmÃ¡n.
Coincidence? Or retarded tiger twinnies? You decide.
There’s nothing we enjoy less than a round of “When should the troops come home” on The View. But you know what’s worse than sitting through Hasselbeck‘s furrowed brow? Capping off the liberal convo with a commercial… FOR THE ARMY. What you are about to see is exactly what was shown on ABC this morning. We cut the best quotes to give you an idea of their conversation, but keep watching… we’re dumbstruck.