You know it’s a slow news week when 1. Someone covering someone else’s mouth is a top story; 2. Kelly Ripa is in the news; 3. Said controversy is used as a platform to confront germ/homophobia. Well, Aiken’s much-hyped appearance on Regis & Kelly last week has now reached the heights of self-parody, as evidenced on last night’s American Music Awards. Check out this clip of Clay Aiken and a pregnant Tori Spelling introducing the next act… If only to see Spelling pulling a Heidi Klum in the “looking better pregnant” department.
At a recent New York City gig, pianoman Ben Folds decided to take a break from singing about abortions long enough to punk a few thousand fans. Suck on that, ticket-buying public!
With the help of Improv Everywhere, Folds fooled a sold out Hammerstein Ballroom into thinking that he and his band had been caught lip syncing. But rather than dance off stage a la Ashlee Simpson, they came up with a much better way to get out of trouble. You know what, I’m not doing this justice. Read about the whole thing here.
Link via Stereogum
- You know America is truly screwed when the country’s Secretary of Education finishes second on Celebrity Jeopardy, losing to Lenny from Laverne and Shirley. Not so much because she lost, but is the Secretary of Education really considered a “celebrity” nowadays?
- Usher is going to be on the Weather Channel tonight. He’s there to talk about Hurricane Katrina, but we think he just wants to figure out once and for all how a green screen works.
- Emmy-winning series Arrested Development validates our jobs a little more today, as MSN will air the entire series online!
- It looks like the Revenge of the Nerds remake has been put on hold indefinitely. Pour a little ink out of your pocket protector to remember it by.
- The Horribly Awkward Michael Richards Hour keeps on keepin’ on, with this newly unearthed clip of the man wearing a $4 wig and patchy blackface in some movie called Whoops Apocalypse. We think we know where this whole “Afro-American” business stems from now.
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, November 21st! Alex Blagg is here to walk you through the best of The American Music Awards!
- PERSON OF THE YEAR: Time Magazine is only weeks away from naming its coveted “Person Of The Year”, and so far, it’s shaping up to be “You.” No, seriously: YOU. So wipe the Velveeta off your face and put on your “clean” sweats… you’ve got a cover shoot to prepare for! (WWD Online)
- CATFIGHT: Justin Timberlake rags on an anonymous source in his latest tune, and some skeptics are claiming the song is slamming Janet Jackson. The song goes something like “Hey tinynose/ Hey nippleface/ Flashin yo t*tty/ Yo big ol’ breast right in my faaace…” (MSNBC’s The Scoop)
- TRANSEXUAL CHOCOLATE: Eddie Murphy claims that acting eased the pain of his divorce… well, that, and the warmth of a gigantic “woman” hand paid to stroke his shoulders in the back of a pick-up. (People Magazine)
- ROSACEA STONE: All jokes aside, WTF is wrong with Carrot Top‘s face? He’s starting to look like a Richard Simmons… but gay. (Cityrag)
- NERD SUICIDE WATCH: The newly-svelte Peter Jackson is waywayway too busy doing ab crunches to worry about making The Hobbit into a movie. In a related story, Elijah Wood‘s sex life is quoted as saying it’s “never been happier.” (E! Online)
You are about to witness the most logical thing ever uttered on The View. We still can’t figure out how that Elisabeth Hasselbeck finally got it so right!
After failing to break the world record for holding his breath underwater on live television with his last stunt, David Blaine has decided to up the stakes. For his next “magic trick,” Blaine will be strapped to a gyroscope in Times Square and has 16 hours to escape. But this time, if he fails he won’t just disappoint his fans… he’ll disappoint those less fortunate too. From The Daily News:
The magician traveled to Times Square on Tuesday for a topsy-turvy Thanksgiving escape, stepping inside a gyroscope where his hands and feet will eventually be shackled. Blaine has until Friday morning to shed his shackles in the spinning scope; if he does, 100 children selected by The Salvation Army will go on a shopping spree.
Now, forget about whether or not David Blaine is going to fail on a grand scale and disappoint one hundred underprivileged kids… I’m more impressed that the guy figured out a way to get out of Thanksgiving dinner with the family. “Sorry guys, I’d love to make it… but I’m gonna be strapped in a gyroscope above Times Squre. For charity. Tell Uncle Jerry I said hi.”
Nice job Blaine! You finally impressed us.
Discount cobbler Payless ShoeSource is seriously having one of its best days yet. First of all, we learn that Disney has signed on to create a line of shoes featuring various Disney characters. Meaning those Buzz Lightyear patent ankleboots little Sally wants will only set you back a coupla bucks. Then, we learn that high-end fashion designer Lela Rose, known for creating gowns that sell for thousands of dollars, will be designing a line of shoes for the vinyl-loving company — though her designs will rely heavily on fabric, meaning you won’t end up with a stink-bootie after 3 days of wear.
But by far the best thing to happen to Payless today? TMZ has exclusive photos of a major celebrity shopping there — and not just any celebrity, but VH1 Homecoming Princess Brooke Hogan! It’s the kind of candid photo that says “It doesn’t really feel that good to pay less”… that, or “My pearls!” from some bootlegged version of Clue.
But we think we have an explanation — It’s not her bank account forcing her to shop there, rather her humongous hooves. The 5’11″ Brooke sports a robust size 12 shoe — And not that we’d know from experience (we’re not 12′s, we swear), but Payless does go up to a 12, a size stores very rarely carry. We’ll stop defending her now, and send our congrats to Payless for all this “buzz.”
The title says it all. Tyra Banks and Janet Jackson share a little too much about their asses. Not in a hot way. This is what you’re missing when you’re at work.
Our pal Lindsayism put it best: “last night’s episode of How I Met Your Mother was, hands down, the BEST EVER.”
It really was. If you haven’t seen it, go watch the full episode on Innertube now. Seriously, do it. If you did see it, here’s the video that brought the show to the next level. Watch it, then meet me at the mall and we’ll talk about how radical it is.
I now have a huge crush on Robin Sparkles. If she was on a poster I’d totally hang it up in my locker.