If this story in the National Enquirer is true (I know, sort of an oxymoron), our ongoing national nightmare of marginally talented Country Stars having the audactity to publicly criticize the amazing job our President is doing might finally be over. Rumor is The Dixie Chicks are about go all Jen and Vince on us:
The controversial country superstars have secretly decided to split up after the Grammy Awards – because Emily Robison and Martie Maguire no longer want to share the nest with outspoken Natalie Maines, say sources.
“They’ve received death threats, and it’s made them all nervous wrecks.”
Personally, I don’t feel sorry for them at all. Maybe if they didn’t want slack-jawed Texas rednecks flipping them off with one hand, waving a Confederate flag in the other, and drunkenly screaming “Y’all should get bombed and shot like the rest of them towelheads!”, they should have thought about that before questioning the competence of Leadership Genius George W. Bush.
Thanks to English comedy gems like Monty Python, The Office and Sascha Baron Cohen, our friends across the pond have long enjoyed a reputation for superior comedy. In an attempt to enrich our own sense of what is and is not funny (Britney vag jokes = hilarityville, screaming the N-word on stage = not so much), we turn to the Red Carpet Arrivals pictures from last night’s British Comedy Awards. Cheeky!
See, the thing about the Brits is that their comedy is high-brow. Take this classic “made you look at my crotch!” gag, for example. On the surface, it seem like your garden variety preschool joke, but if you look deeper, you start to realize that it is actually a metaphor for the wealthy’s apathy towards the plight of the impoverished. Read more…
Oh, this is just… dammit… Honey! Honey, the dolphin swallowed the remote again! Sunnuvvvaa… Dammit! Of all the luck… Sheesh! I swear, I’m gonna… damn.
Leave your caption in the comments! And promise you’ll watch the video of the above hilarity: The World’s Tallest Man Saves Dolphins.
This morning, a dapperish looking Matthew Perry (did we actually just say that?) announced the Golden Globe Award nominations, and, you know? They’re pretty dead on. Leonardo DiCaprio will be competing against himself for the Best Actor in a Dramatic Movie award, for his parts in Blood Diamond and The Departed (we hope he wins for the latter.) Sacha Baron Cohen scored two nominations for Borat — including one for Best Actor (Academy Members, are you listening?) The only things we take issue with is 1. Steve Carell was not nommed for Little Miss Sunshine (though he did deservedly land one for The Office), and Beyonce scored Best Actress nod over Jennifer Hudson‘s Best Supporting Actress honor, which, once you see the movie, you realize is completely ass backward. Also, congrats to Maggie Gyllenhaal for nabbing a nom for Sherrybaby, possibly the worst movie we saw this year.
And a congrats to Mel Gibson, whose Apocalypto was nominated for Best Foreign Language film. The Jews would like to thank the HFPA for throwing him a bone on that one.
The full list of nominees is after the jump. Feel free to rant in the comments section. Who are you rooting for?
According to Page Six, Britney Spears‘ frienship with Paris Hilton has come to an end. After leaving friends, family, fans and casual observes scratching their heads over her downward spiraling career following a marriage to deadbeat gold-digger K-Fed, her subsequent major in vagina-exposing and minor in partying ethics from Paris Hilton University, and her recent public displays of disgusting affection with LA Greaseball Douchebag Guy, Brit’s at a crossroads once again, as she must choose the NEXT person who will help ruin her life, and considering the kinds of sleaze she’s already surrounded herself with, our girl’s really going to have to outdo herself this time. Not everyone can fill K-Fed’s wifebeater. To help her out, we’ve compiled the following list of potential New Scumbag Best Friend/Boyfriends for Britney Spears:
Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis
PROS: His skills in making “Drunk Chicks Flashing Their Tits” videos could really help Britney break into that prized “Blacked Out Frat Guy” demographic. Makes Brandon Davis seem “classy”.
CONS: Probably date rapes. A lot.
Anna Nicole Smith
PROS: Is on pace to become an even bigger trainwreck than Michael Jackon (who, incidentally, might also be worth considering).
CONS: Just too depressing. Read more…
I don’t know about you guys, but in my family, we have a tradition of stealthily adding a new ornament to our tree on Christmas eve, which everyone must attempt to identify the next morning. Usually it’s something timely, reflective of what each of us our currently doing in our lives. Seeing as how I’ve spent the better part of the last year reporting on flashed vaginas, idiotic catfights, comically absurd politicans and hatemongering celebrities, I was hoping to find something “gossipy”. Luckily, NPR sponsored a Holiday Craft Contest, inviting listeners to send in their most clever pop-culture-themed items. My favorites are the Mel Menorrah, the Dick Cheney Shooting a Dove, and of course, the Britney-inspired Bald Beaver shown above. If any of you guys want to make a celeb-oriented ornament of your own, be sure to send us a picture and we’ll post up whatever we get!
Over at WebJunk.tv, we stumbled across this little bit of filmed ministry, in which Kirk Cameron and his partner in Christ use a simple banana to explain the existence of God, and somewhat more subtly, why homosexuality is “filthy”.
Yet another clip from the vault of “SNL Can Sometimes Be Really Funny”, enjoy this cartoon from last week’s episode called “Diddy’s Kids”, where a group of young rapscallions try to figure out what the eff it is he actually does. (Poor picture quality isn’t our fault, but you can still enjoy it.)
Nerve.com has a list of the 40 Best Celebrity Rumors Ever. While we normally try to steer away from lists that proclaim things to be the “best ever” (or “awesomely bad,” for that matter), we have to hand it to these guys; they hit the nail on the head.
The golden age of celebrity rumors may be coming to an end. As Britney Spears spreads her legs to the world and Nicole Richie gets arrested driving north in the southbound lane, truth may at last have outstripped semi-fiction. Today’s celebrities have so little left to hide. But fear not, scandal-mongers! The past remains a bottomless well of salacity.
Check out the entire list here. Warning: learning that some of these stories are rumors (and not actually real) may upset you a bit. Especially the Richard Gere one. Damnit.