ICYMI: Trump Swears He’ll Never Let Rosie Go

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On yesterday’s Today show, Donald Trump and daughter Ivanka, aka Snobtown Sally, sat in with Ex-View-Matron Meredith Viera to promote the upcoming season of his show, The Mudslinger. Here’s the good news: Trump is still waxing crazy on the Rosie O’Donnell scandal! The bad news? He has completely sucked every ounce of humor out of their feud. Enjoy?

(via ONTD)

While You Were 23 Going On Reanimated Corpse…

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  • Ladies and Gentlemen, we are less than pleased to present, Britney Spears 2007. Looks like it’s that “time of the month”… time to go to rehab. But seriously, folks, is it possible to lose a chromosome in the course of a few days? This picture says obvs.
  • Oh dear lord, Tyra Banks might have a sex tape… do you think her “thing” is bigger than Screech‘s? And how long until a hilarious “Paaaanty Paaaaarty!!” mash-up appears on Youtube?
  • When doctors got the call that Lindsay Lohan was on her way into the hospital, they began preparing their stomach pumps and sterilizing their adrenaline shots as is standard procedure. Well, you can imagine the looks on their faces when it turned out she needed her appendix removed! Actually, they appeared pretty blase.
  • Informal Poll: Is it just maybe possible that Robert Goulet will upstage Prince at this year’s Superbowl? This photo tells us it’s a maybe.
  • Finally: Yay! Little Abigail Breslin was nominated for a SAG Award for Little Miss Sunshine. And she didn’t even get raped in it, Dakota Fanning.

…Of The Day

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  • TEXT MESSAGES: K-Fed booty-texting Lindsay Lohan? Lindsay denying him? K-Fed Calling her “firecrotch”? Who’s not surprised by this beautiful sequence of events? (Us)
  • YOU KNOW YOU’RE THINKING IT: So, these robot vaginas that the South Koreans are practicing delivering babies from. Are they… you know? You know. (Reuters)
  • NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS: There are a couple of glaring omissions in Courtney Love’s list. I’ll let you figure out what they are. (Metadish)
  • HE HATES THE VIEW: First he disses Rosie, then he snaps atMeredith… Watch out Lisa Ling, Donald Trump is coming after you next (TMZ)
  • COMPLETELY COMPLETE LIST: Here are the 100 Most Annoying Things of 2006. Somehow Mind of Mencia just missed. (retroCRUSH)

Draw Me Wearing This… Wearing *Only* This

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Here’s some news that surely would’ve given you an erection 6 years ago (if you’re a dude… and if everything worked properly.) So pretend that it’s the year 2001 and Britney Spears is the hot-Slave 4U-Britney and not the vagina flashing-mom-Britney. Just pretend.

A source told Britain’s More magazine: “Britney’s been getting in better and better shape since she split with Kevin and wants her body immortalised in a portrait.

“She loves the film ‘Titanic’, especially the scene where Kate Winslet’s character Rose gets painted in the nude. She wants it tastefully done, though, and is looking for the right artist to do it.”

So Britney’s gonna strip down to her birthday suit and get the Titanic treatment. The only question is, which one is gonna go down in history as the bigger disaster? I know what I have my money on.

Click here to read the full story.

CAPTION THIS! Sealed With a Kiss

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Roger pens his last fan letter to Heidi Klum, trying for one last time to convince her that he’s the only seal she’ll ever need again.

OK, animal geniuses, leave your cappies in the commies as per yoozh.

WARNING: You Might Be Addicted to This Blog

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ASSGOITER.JPGOur favorite pie-charted newspaper, USA Today, brings to our attention a disease — uh, phenomenon – we thought only we suffered from: A debilitating addiction to celebrity gossip. Author Jake Halpern covers the addiction with a disturbing intensity in his new book Fame Junkies, which likens your daily blog reading to a less destructive verzh of crack — likely stemming from Paris Hilton‘s ass goiter. But it is the statistics we find most disturbing:

  • The teens who regularly watch certain celebrity-oriented TV shows were more likely than others to believe that they themselves will be famous someday.

What was that? Sorry, our stage moms are on speaker… Headshots appointment moved to 3, but we have a Triaminic audition at 3:30… (“cough, cough… Mommy, our froat huwts.” Perfect line read, thank you.) Ah yes, statistics! Here’s another, far more troubling fact:

  • Given a choice of becoming the CEO of a major corporation, the president of Yale or Harvard, a Navy SEAL, a U.S. senator or “the personal assistant to a very famous singer or movie star,” almost half of the girls — 43.4% — chose the assistant role.

Whoa, whoa, whoa… you’re telling us that American teenagers turned down the fake opportunity to rule the Harvard roost or embezzle company cash in order to pick up someone’s dry cleaning? A personal assistant, for f***’s sake?! Never before, and we say this with complete seriousness, have we been more turned off by the future of this country than at this very moment. Sh*t, at least aim for overbearing, possibly molesty, spotlight hungry stage Dad!

ICYMI: George W. Bush’s Hanukkah Song

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As we were drowning in holiday cheer last week when this hilarous clip was shown on Dave Letterman, we must’ve missed it. But George W. Bush looking utterly baffled as he stands among a bunch of Jews singing around a Menorah is simply too amazing not to post. Happy Late Hanukkah, folks!

(via WebJunk.tv)