CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: We Got Punk’d

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punkd-kutcher-inside.jpg1. I think my favorite thing about this animated adventure is Elliot the Mule Deer because he sounded wacky and silly like Ashton Kutcher! My second favorite thing about this movie is all the funny shenanigans, and the friendships that result from them – $23 million

2. Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Costner, Coast Guard rescue swimmers. It’s nice to know that Americans are still able to recognize real quality movies when they come along – $17.6 million

3. Maybe if Stevo-O would have taken a “number two” on the red carpet, smeared it all over his face, then rolled around in it, this opus would still be holding strong at “number one” – $14 million

4. Hey “Napoleon Dynamite Guy”: 14:57…14:58…14:59…aaaaand that’s your time. Please grab a commemorative “Vote For Pedro” shirt on your way out – $9.1 million

5. I would pay good money to see Jet Li try to take his fancy-pants Chinese dragon martial arts style down to the All-Valley Tournament and try his luck against Mr. Daniel Larusso’s Miyagi style karate crane kickery. Let’s see who’s “fearless” then$4.7 million

You’re The Best Around, Nothing’s Gonna Ever Keep You Down

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The folks over at Cracked are erecting a Hall of Fame honoring 80′s movie montages. Actually, I’m not sure if they’re building it, or if there’s just going to be a series of slow motion shots of them building it while an amazingly corny song with a driving guitar riff plays underneath. Either way, it’ll be thoroughly entertaining. Check out this list of the greatest 80′s movie montages, courtesy of Cracked.com. It’s the greatest thing to happen to the montage since that song in Team America.

While You Were Pretending to be Jewish for the Vacay…

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Best Night Ever: Sunday, October 1st!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, October 1st! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including Everybody Hates Chris, Amazing Race, and Desperate Housewives!

Best of the Best Week Ever: Dirty Sanchezed

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  • Rosie O’Donnell tries Cocaine (after we did, yo) on The View and ends up launching snot rockets all over the stage.
  • Jared Leto soldiers on with his campaign of retardation by dressing like a gay ninja and continuing to allow words to spill from his mouth.
  • Little Superstar continues freakishly dancing his way up our spinal cord, through our our cortex and into our hearts.
  • Dustin Diamond (aka “Screech“) may or may not have recorded a freakish sex tape from which we may or may not learn some pretty sweet bonin’ moves.
  • Is there any hope for Hollywood Hipster Love? Not if Zach Braff has anything to do with it!
  • The Coreys are making their triumphant return to primetime television (well, A&E at least) and we’re Blown Away by our excitement.
  • In one moment of stage-frightened red carpet urination, Steve-O managed to shatter our very last shred of hope for the future of humanity. Then he farted and punched himself in the face.

Shuffling Towards the Weekend!

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Our guest this week, Mindy Raf, is a NYC comedienne who has made a name for herself as a regular contributor to CollegeHumor, a popular touring stand-up, the proprietor ofshuffle1.jpg a funny blog, and a featured actress on the celebrated Post Show online sketch comedy program. She’s also rather chesty. Anyway, we had her shuffle her iPod and share with us the first five resulting tracks. Judge her, ridicule her, then do your own shuffle and leave the results in the comments!

1. “I want to love you in my room”, Irving
2. “Boxing”, Ben Fold’s Five
3. “Barrier Reef”, Old 97′s
4. “Baby”, Rufus Wainwright
5. “O what a beautiful dream”, Elf Power

Esquire Mag Rewards Eating with Photo Shoot

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Esquire Magazine really steps out on a limb in their upcoming October issue, naming Scarlett Johanssen the “Sexiest Woman Alive.” The undeniably beautiful Scarlett tends to draw a lot of attention in Hollywood because she is the only one brave enough to eat 2 meals a day (it’s a wonder, given L.A.’s values, they don’t refer to her as plus-sized.) In the issue, she is portrayed as an “enigmatic trailer-park temptress,” sporting a “cleavage-baring black lingerie paired with an open white robe, among other get-ups.” (“Get-ups”? Like this?) Well, guessing from the screenshot grabbed from Google News above, her cleavage is all you really need to see to figure out that it’s her… so it seems Esquire hit this buxom nail right on its curvaceous head.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Billy Bob Photoshops

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Rather than allow some idiot (me) pick who submitted the best Billy Bob Board Of Scoundrels Photoshop entry, we’re going to let you, the readers, choose. Click below to vote Upgrade/Downgrade for these 10 photoshop submissions. We’ll see which one is the most popular, then on Monday give out a prize. So vote now!

When you’re done voting, head on over to Paul’s blog. It’s an educational read; how else would you know that 17 people committed suicide by hanging during production? Or that the entire film takes place in a mentally challenged child’s Snowglobe? You wouldn’t. You definitely wouldn’t.

The Office: Ain’t No Party Like A Scranton Party

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OFFICEJIMMICHAEl.JPGFor those of you obsessed with the Jim and Pam (“Jam” or “Pim”) romance on The Office, take a few minutes of your afternoon to get overcome with rage. Because it doesn’t look like the most adorable coupling on television is going to happen for a while. Yesterday’s episode, The Convention, reunited our favorite on-screen threesome, Michael, Dwight and Jim, for the first time this season, and thank God! We missed the usual bantering. But how many episodes are we going to have to suffer through until Jim and Pam realize they’re MFEO? Anyway, we always enjoy when the show goes offsite, as it’s refreshing to see Michael in his “fun jeans” and swaggy MS Office Hawaiian shirt, desperate to be part of an “inside” joke. (Sorrow!) But something about this season just feels so… different. More… depressing? We can’t put our finger on it. Thankfully, it’s still the funniest show on tv — even if it continues to just barely beat out Til Death in the ratings. Thoughts on the episode?

As a reminder, check out the deleted scenes on NBC.com… if only to witness Jan acting like a creepy MILF.