ICYMI: The Office! New Clips! (Spoilers?)!

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(Grinding teeth, shaking leg) Only 7 more hours until Season 3 of The Office premieres! And slowly, we’re piecing together some of the things we can expect during tonight’s episode. For starters, last night Steve Carell made an appearance on Jay Leno, where they played the following clip featuring a dialogue between possibly my two favorite people on the show: Michael and Toby.

He’s so right about that retarded thing. So Michael finds out Oscar is gay? That alone could breed enough comedy for at least 4 episodes… You can catch another clip regarding this story line on Yahoo TV’s Fall Preview. But more importantly, Jim and Pam… After the jump, some speculation!

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Jude Law + Manny x Diapers = Mantasy Island

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JUDELAW.JPGLaaaaaadies! Looks like Britney Spears‘ Manny has a new delicate little one to clean up, feed and burp: Jude Law. Apparently, things got a little too hot in the barefoot redneck kitchen for ex-Manny Perry Taylor, who, according to Us Magazine, has been seen protecting the bah-day of the foppish cad all around town. We imagine working for Law is a bit different. Whereas before the Manny was responsible for removing the interior cream from a box of Ho-Ho’s and placing it into a jelly jar for Brit’s imbibing, now Manny must face an altogether swankier beast. (Wayne’s World fade out, if you will.)

There would be Jude, draped over a zebra-skinned fainting couch, a satin robe skimming down from his Adonis-like shoulders. A tiny platinum bell jingles with the slightest of effeminate ease, as Jude, up all night whittling a backscratcher out of an ivory tusk, complains of a cramp in his leg. “Bring me my oils” Jude orders… you can continue reading this little fan-fiction ditty over on my never to be released website ThingsThatGetMeThroughMyDay.com.

PROPPED: The 10 Most Moronic College Courses In America

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lost.jpgLessons from Lost? The Science of Superheroes? Klingon & Beyond? Are these really college courses? And the bigger question, are kids really able to talk their parents into paying for them??? According to this feature written by Piper Weiss (remember her?), the answer is Yes.

Ptothei dropped this list of the 10 flimsiest classes out there. Memorize it. That way when your dad gets mad at you for enrolling in The Phallus, Critical Theory & Social Justice you can assure him that there are more ridiculous courses out there. Not many… but a few.

Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

ICYMI: Kicking & Screaming Laughter

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soccerkick.JPGThis clip has been around for a few weeks now, and I’ve hesitated putting it up until now because it’s a) really short, and b) not really relevant. But after watching for the 437,912th time and laughing out loud, I could resist no further. Some of life’s best – and funniest – things are its simplest. Enjoy!

Pink Hearts! Green Clovers! White Pedophiles! Insane Ideas!

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michaeljacksonleprachaun.jpgYou have to hand it to Michael Jackson: Whether or not the guy realizes it, the guy might be a creeptown genius. Because just when you think he couldn’t get any more nightmarish, any more weirdly scary-clown creepy, any more child-endangering, he manages to TOP himself. To wit: MJ is now targeting the only people possibly whiter than he is, and wishes to purchase land in Ireland… and open a Leprechaun Theme Park. Excuse me for a minute. Sorry about that.

That seriously sounds like SUCH. A. BLAST. Tiny little men helping you on and off the rides, springing up behind you while taking a leak on the “Pot O’ Gold.” Losing the grip of your child’s hand, then scrambling to locate your little one in a sea of small crying children and 48-year old dwarves in green hats… We’d almost rather take an eternal spin on the Insane Clown Posse Gravitron.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRAGE: Lohan’s Well-Wishers

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dina lohan2.jpgWe were all saddened to hear the news that Lindsay Lohan fell down and broke her wrist last weekend, resulting in a mandatory arm cast for her latest fashion accessory. But if there’s one thing Hollywood stars are known for, it’s taking care of their own and rallying behind each other in times of trouble. So the least Lindsay’s pals could do is sign her cast with words of encouragement. Some of their sentiments will help her get well soon (UPGRADE), while others will only make her feel sick (DOWNGRADE).

Check out her autograph collection and tell us which ones are best. Vote now!

NOTE: If you have trouble registering (or simply don’t want to), but would like to see the cast signatures anyway, click here.

Fergie Teaches Celebs How To Avoid Nip Slips

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fergie bra.jpgLindsay, Tara, Mischa, McConaughey– take note: somebody has finally figured out a way to avoid unwanted nip-slips.

It’s called a “bra”, and here you can see Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas (and more recently, from Fergie) sporting one on the hip, cool show that all the kids love, TRL. Notice how the “bra” is conveniently placed over the breast and covers the nipple. This allows Fergie to wear clothing purchased from Kids ‘R’ Us on a nationally televised basic cable show without the fear of a body part popping out. Experts are already calling it “revolutionary”, and many believe that the “bra” could lead to the end of the modern day nipple slip.

Of course, since many celebrities rely on the occasional nip-slip to remain newsworthy, it’s unlikely that the “bra” look will catch on around Hollywood. But if it does, young up & coming starlets may have to find a new way to grab our attention.

We’re just going to have to hope that nobody tells them about underwear.

We’ve Been Jammed: Spaceballs, The Cartoon!

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RICKMORAN2.JPGRemember sitting through Spaceballs for the 1,257th time — that morning when it aired on PAX — and while you quietly laughed at the adorkable Rick Moranis, and remembered when Bill Pullman had the qualities of a leading man before all that “they’re reading out thoughts” business in Independence Day, you thought “Gee, it’s too bad that there isn’t more Spaceballs material out there in the universe…”, well Mel Brooks has a message: Fooled you! That’s because Spaceballs is returning to the small screen, in the form of an animated series on the G4 Network. Mel Brooks will be providing some of the voices, and longtime collaborator Thomas Meehan will oversee writing (so we can pray it will actually be funny.)

You’ll have to wait until 2007 though, so until then, get on your Barfolemew outfit and try to rally up a Spaceballs convention. We’ll be styling our hair with a 400-pound blow dryer in anticipation.

ICYMI: Clay Is Sorta Kinda Totally Maybe Gay, Which Is None of Your Bee’s Wax

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Good Morning America’s multi-part Clay Aiken Confessional Booth series continued this morning with Diane Sawyer randomly pulling an “Are you gay?” question out of nowhere, utterly shocking him into giving a rambling 300-word response that essentially says, “Yep”. We admire Clay’s courage, and Diane’s subtle “probing” and “in the closet” puns.

Paris Hilton Buys Homeless Man

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paris homeless.jpgSick and tired of walking around with little pets like chihauhaus and kinkajous, Paris Hilton finally splurged a bit yesterday and bought her very own homeless person.

Paris (pictured purchasing the gentleman for $100, right) posed for photographs before rushing her newest acquisition to the salon to bathe him and make him lose that “new homeless man smell”. When asked why she chose this particular man, Paris spoke about his cute salt & pepper beard and his “I could snap at any second” eyes, which she dubbed as “hot”.

Paris, who in the past has named her chihuahua Tinkerbell and her kinkajou Baby Luv has yet to name the homeless man. Friends assume she’ll go with something adorable, like Stinky Butt or Marmaduke.