CAPTION THIS! Grease Frightenin!

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Introducing the First Diet Fad of ’07: Stare at this picture of Brandon Davis for 35 seconds, and never eat food again.

Consider this diet tip a bloated…er, belated Christmas Present, via your friends at X17Online. Could this be considered a Sizzler?

Leave your captions/death threats in the comments!

First Celebrity Trend of 2007: Narcolepsy!

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BRITNEYASLEEP.JPGLadies and gents, only 3 days into the new year, and we already have our first official Celebrity Trend of 2007: Narcolepsy!

The trend was first spotted nary an hour or two after the clock struck midnight on New Year’s, when party host Britney Spears‘ spontaneously fell asleep on the dancefloor of the Las Vegas nightclub Pure. Check out this report:

She had been seated on a VIP tented-cabana bed overlooking the dance floor at 12:50 AM talking with one of her male dancers. She signed to he crew she wanted to leave and as she stood up, “she went into a dead faint and just fell right to the floor.”

Brit’s heavy entourage pulled her up and laid her on the bed at the same time… Eventually, Brit’s 12-man-strong security force was in place, as two of her dancers wrapped her in a blanket-hooded poncho.

Sure, we know what you’re thinking: That slut was just drunk! But you’d be wrong, Mr. Jump2Conclusions. Because her publicists assure us that, in fact, Britney was just tired and fell spontaneously asleep! Poor tired baby! Looks like she was caught by a narc… olepsy!

Also on New Year’s, Jessica Simpson was seen sitting down on a couch, then immediately laying down on the ground to catch some Z’s. A kind-hearted Q-Tip was able to quietly awake the pop star, just in time to make out for 10 hours with John Mayer.

Even Vanessa Minnillo couldn’t help but catch some shut-eye while walking out of the back exit at Marquee. Could narcolepsy be the new rage of ’07! We certainly hope ssdjklsdjfskld…. (snore.)

LISTEN UP: Party Over Here, Party Over Air

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  • Idolator has a track from the new “party album” by Air (provided your idea of a party is making out with a mermaid on top of a cotton candy cloud).
  • But if you’re more like me, your party might be better suited with this J. Dilla cut over at Gorilla vs. Bear.
  • Or, if you’re into the “crying alone your room while burning pictures of exes” type of party, why not rock out to a new Cat Power track over at To Die By Your Side.
  • If you’re a devoted fan of The Wire (and you should be), you might have wondered about that catchy blues tune in the credit sequence. Even if you’re late to the party, you’ll still dig it, so go grab two different versions of the song at Aquarium Drunkard.
  • And finally, YANP keeps the new year party going with one last list of the best 20 songs of last year.

SIZZLER: Nude Melania Pics Teach Donald How To Go Bald With Dignity

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melaniatrump-sidebyside.jpgSome very interesting pictures of Donald Trump’s wife Melania hit the internet today. Of course, by “very interesting” we mean “completely butt-ass naked”– we were just trying to be sublte.

The NSFW blog (which is Not Safe For Work, obviously) has the scandalous pictures of Mrs. Trump posing in the buff and cuddling up in bed with another naked woman. She basically saw Miss Nevada’s drunken lesbian kisses and raised her some arty black & white photography. Take that, bitch.

Conspiracy theorists are going to look at the timing of these nude pictures and point fingers at The Donald’s arch-nemesis, Rosie O’Donnell. We don’t buy it. This looks more like a peace offering to us. Clearly Donald is offering these pics to Rosie as a truce– a peace pipe, if you will. And as long as Rosie doesn’t reciprocate by posting pictures of her significant other, all is good. All is definitely good.

SIZZLER: Two Complete Trash-Balls Prepare To Fight Each Other Over Some Sleazy Bimbo

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pammynye1.jpgIt’s no secret that Pam Anderson has been passed around the metal scene like a collection plate since the late 80’s, but some of her transitions from one washed up Guitar Hero to the next can result in friction between the various factions of tattoo-enthusiasts with too much testosterone and too few remaining braincells. The most recent example comes in the form of this report that Pammy’s ex-husband Kid Rock took the news that she’d hooked back up with go-to “D*ck In a Box” Tommy Lee none too kindly:

“A jealous Kid Rock went to the Hard Rock Hotel at 6AM yesterday and pounded on a door he had been told was Tommy Lee’s suite! Norm says the door was damaged by the time the actual guest opened it. Kid Rock apparently apologized, gave the startled guest an autograph and split.”

Other sources go on to report that Tommy Lee has gotten wind of Kid’s mistake, and has now started calling to taunt him. Nothing takes the sting out of a failed marriage quite like a daily voicemail from your ex-wife’s new lover, who just called to remind you how large his penis is.

The World’s Stupidest Tattoos

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clay.jpgWhen I was in college and all my friends were getting tattoos I felt a little left out. As much as I loved the Chinese and their symbols, or the Africans and their tribes, I just couldn’t bring myself to permanently etch anything into my arms, shoulders, calves or inner thighs. Call me weird. Now, years later, as these same friends are beginning to forget what the squiggly Chinese thing on their neck really means (“Um, I think it means honor… or respect. I’m pretty sure it’s respect,”) I’m glad I didn’t make any big mistakes. The people on this list of The World’s Stupidest Tattoos, though, sadly can’t say the same. Unless, of course, they’re proud of their Clay Aiken tat. Or the bacon and eggs they got tattoo’d on their head. Or the “I’m Gonna Kill You, Ray Romano” declaration. Check out the entire list here to feel 10% better about your own body.

Link via Gorillamask

Sherrod Small Is Having The Breast Week Ever

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Forget about that John Mayer talk… we’ve obtained a picture of Jessica Simpson and the man we suspect she’s really dating.
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That’s right; here’s Jessica and BWE’s Sherrod Small on New Year’s Eve. We don’t want to jump to conclusions, however they do look pretty close. And the Altoids? What do you think those are for? As they say in the tabloids– the tabloids that would write 500 words about how Jessica is definitely boning Sherrod based on nothing more than a picture like this one– Developing!

ICYMI: Tara Reid Dazzles NYE Revelers With Stunning Display of Backwards-Counting Abilities

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She might fall down a lot and have a little problem with being visibly intoxicated in public, but don’t you ever – EVER – accuse Tara Reid of being incapable of counting backwards from 60, sort of. Sure, she could have just counted down from ten like the rest of us, but Tara’s better than that – smarter than that. Even with 12 double Goose and Red Bulls pulsating through her emaciated little veins, she NAILED that seemingly endless countdown and only left out five or six numbers! Vote Pedro.

(via Defamer)

Here’s Why Barack Obama Will Never Be President

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With a name that resembles “Black Osama” closely enough for the mistake below to already have been made (not even on Fox News, mind you), Barack Obama has about as much of a chance at getting elected president in the US today as a guy named Islam Hitlor would have had in Israel in the 50’s.

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