George Clooney’s Sexiest Man Alive Is Matt Damon

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CLOONZ.JPGGeorge Clooney, aka Sexiest Man Alive 2006, ie Salt N’ Peppa 2, slogan being “How Do I Swarthy? Let Me Count The Gaze”, took a moment out of his unspoken Suave shampoo campaign to lament on who he thought should be this year’s winner, Matt Damon:

“I gotta say, this is a very big disappointment for Matt, because he did run a very good campaign. If you’ve been around him, you know he’s sexy. His eyes pop. They have a twinkle. He’s got a good smile. He’s quite the dancer. He does rock a Speedo in Ocean’s 13.

His advice: “I think you should go with a snakeskin suit and some mousse and give a sort of up-on-your toes pose.” Damon strikes the pose in a photo, provided to PEOPLE by Clooney, taken in November 1997.

MATT DAMON.JPGThat is so like Clooney to josh around with his boyeez, his gang of almost-too-handsome, debonair superstar actors who constantly need to prove that they’re not the pretty guys they appear to be. This involves practical jokes, marrying the assistant, adopting poor children, etc etc. And, of course, mocking your own Sexiest Mannyness. Cause Clooney’s got balls, ya see? But he’s not above posing for an InStyle cover, ya got that? Good. (We, for one, are still completely won over by him.)

And as far as this picture of Matt damon is concerned… can you say “Tiled Wallpaper“?

POLL: Lohan’s Wrist Watch

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In the picture below (via A Socialite’s Life), you will notice the suspicious marks on Lindsay Lohan’s wrist. Please vote on what you think could have caused them, and include any additional theories in the comments section.

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The Running Of The Nerds

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Today’s the day your little brother’s been looking forward to for months: The Playstation 3 launch. People are celebrating accordingly. In Connecticut a man was shot while waiting in line outside a Wal-Mart. Slightly less tragic, and way more funny, a man in Milwaukee suffered a concussion when he ran into a pole during a mad dash towards the front door. Yes, there’s video. Of course, mad dashes are nothing new. The Running of the Nerds takes place approximately once every four years, always with humorous results. Just look at the video below and imagine this scene taking place at Best Buys and Circuit Citys all over the country. It’s almost endearing, actually.

What about you? Are you getting a PS3? Can you get us one? Please?

The Office: Scranton! What? The Electric City!

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For once, last night’s super-sized 40-minute long episode of The Office was just the right length, and featured the moment — MOMENT — half of America has been waiting for: The Pam/Jim reunion! It was safe to say The Merger was going to be amazing from the getgo, what with the Stamford, CT bunch moving in with those crazy kids over in Scranton. Upon arrival, the 5 new employees + Jim were handed “nifty gifty”‘s, bags filled with pencils and coupons. (Aw, Michael.) Once again, Mindy Kaling stole the show with her “Suri/Shiloh Update Hour.” We are already loving Michael’s relationship with new BeFri Andy — though Andy out-douches Michael 3 to 1. Equally as dorky and inappropriate, but his heart doesn’t seem to in the right place. One can trace that back to his a capella days, surely.

But laaaaaaaaadies! Jim is back!! We’ve been fency about our feelings regarding the Team Pam/Team Karen debate. At first, we were a-clearly sisboombahing for Pam, and even though her refusal to “do it” with Jim was a real downer, we understood her complicated feelings. This Karen… she’s so modern looking! She straightens her hair, and probably listens to college radio! City girl! But slowly, she grew on us. She’s sophisticated, see? And her relationship with Jim has the chance of being equally as adorable, as it seems like Jim is just so adorable at whatever he does.

Read Our Decision on the Team Pam/Team Karen Debate after the jump!

Read more…

Some ‘Cracked’ Ideas For O.J.’s Next 16 Books

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IDidIt.jpgFive years ago the idea of football legend/murderer O.J. Simpson writing a book titled “If I Did It” seemed absolutely proposterous. It seemed as likely as The Juice returning to the NFL or killing another blonde woman (ok, fine… a little less likely than killing another blonde woman.) Well, O.J. was able to find another way to surprise us all (the first way: killing his ex-wife) and “If I Did It” will actually be coming out soon. Who would’ve thunk it?

The people over at Cracked have offered up title suggestions for his next 16 books. Most of them are downright hilarious. Take a look, and if you have any other ideas to help our pal O.J., leave them in the comments. He could use all the help he can get.

NASA Says You Don’t Want To Miss A Thing

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What if I said there was a killer asteroid barrelling towards Earth that could wipe us all out? You’d probably say you heard that story before in 1998 and you don’t buy it. Well guess what, buddy; it might be real… and NASA knows exactly what they have to do to stop it.

To save the day, Nasa now plans to go where only Bruce Willis has gone before. The US space agency is drawing up plans to land an astronaut on an asteroid hurtling through space at more than 30,000 mph. It wants to know whether humans could master techniques needed to deflect such a doomsday object when it is eventually identified.

Let me save NASA a couple of billion dollars. Of course it’s going to work. The training will be a hoot, but once they land on the asteroid they’ll only face a couple of problems (one of which being the asteroid’s harder to drill through than anything they’ve ever experienced.) But as the clock ticks and time nearly runs out, one astronaut is going to save the planet at the cost of his own life. He’ll have an emotional conversation with his daughter while her douchey boyfriend stands by just moments before making the ultimate sacrifice, and believe me, he won’t soon be forgotten. Oh, and then Ben Affleck will say something annoying. Spoiler Alert, NASA. Spoiler alert.

So what’s a better move? Spending a ton of money to see if it’ll work or renting Armageddon and spending 2 1/2 hours of your life watching it. Actually… don’t answer that.

While You Were Updating Your Suri Shrine…

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…Of The Day

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  • HARSH REALITY: Just like Pamela Anderson, Suri Cruise. looks better airbrushed. (Yeah, I just made fun of a baby. What are you gonna do about it?) (AOL)
  • HUG IT OUT, BITCH: Jeremy Piven still can’t get over Jack Black beating him out for a role in High Fidelity. Says it worse than being fired by Vinnie Chase.(Defamer)
  • QUESTION YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO: Are Americans too lazy for the Nintendo Wii? Um… yes, yes we are. (Metadish)
  • WHO KNEW?: Not only is Lindsay Lohan beautiful, talented and an inspiration to us all, but she’s funny too! She’s the total package! (Egotastic)
  • ITS NAME IS EARL: Jaime Pressly announced that she’s pregnant on The Late Show. And I’m announcing on BWE.tv that I can’t think of a single reason to watch My Name Is Earl if she’s not wearing slutty outfits.(TVSquad)

Settle Down, It’s Just A Video Game System

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douche - PS3.jpgI don’t care how ultra-realistic the maiming and killing graphics of the new PlayStation 3 happen to be, or how much you’re just dying to simulate athletic activity through the supine comfort of your couch, but camping out and waiting in line for a video game – ANY video game – is literally wasting your time so you can waste your time. I like a spirited game of Super Mario Bros. or Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out as much as the next guy, but I will never understand what, exactly, it is about all these newfangled gaming consoles that have people flipping out for them to point of sitting in a tent outside of a Best Buy for days on end, like a total idiot. What’s the big deal? I mean, when you’re sitting there, like 17 hours into a sleep-deprived Cheetoh & Dr. Pepper-fueled Grand Theft Auto marathon, is there not some moment of clarity in between levels in which you stop and think, “Hmm, is there anything else more productive I could be doing with this time?” I might be old and out of touch, but I can assure you that I’ll accomplish more today that standing outside of an electronics store just so I can be the first person to complete the first level of Operation: Shoot the Robot Alien Ninja Pirates. I’m not knocking video games altogether, but if you stood in line for one, you’re today’s Daily Douche.