As we reported Friday, Tori Spelling indeed held her garage sale on Friday under the guise of “changing decor in her house”, which is horseface for “rent money.” We pictures there being a handful of 90210 fans out scouring for Brian Austin Green‘s half-eaten Lean Pocket, but this sounds effing retartar:
Tori Spelling was swamped by fans on Friday, who swarmed her Studio City, California home to buy items from her estate sale. Hordes of fans stared queuing as early as 5:30 a.m. for a chance to look through the star’s personal items at her highly-publicized garage sale…
Items up for sale ranged from a used Sephora lip gloss for $1, her dog Mimi La Ru’s shampoo for $20, a used pair of Marc Jacobs designer round-toe shoes for $125 and a pair of white aged Grecian urns for $7,500.
OK, first of all… people camped out at 5:30 to buy Tori Spelling’s stuff? We only wish the “camping out” had been “execution style”, as the world could do without this maniac train.
Second of all, this B*TCH has the nerve to sell a USED tube of Sephora lip gloss (which retails at around $5, b-tee-dubs, and p.s., causes yeast infections) and f***ing DOG SHAMPOO?!?!?! I know timez-r-tuff Tor, but this sale goes from borderline “funny” to downright depressing. Do we need to start a “Save Tori” fund?
Last week when we told you about the dawn of the Lohanvolution, and you signed your name to the Lohanifesto, we were not just making idle threats and promises. We were embarking upon a proactive commitment to destroying all those inadequite souls who dare to make false accusations in an attempt to put an end to the career of our dear moviestar queen Lindsay Lohan. The latest Enemies of the Movement are failed artists responsible for the Gallery of the Absurd bloggersite, who have taken it upon themselves to apply their lack of talent to creating a blasphemous work depicting our adequite young star in some sort of fake advertisement that attempts to imply that she would use strawberrry-flavored cocaine drugs. This is libelous, wrong and completely unfair. Please help us have this page ripped from the Interblogs by e-mailing your congressman, police chiefs, and Al Gore. See the offending work after the jump!
1. The Jews are definitely responsible for this movie not making any money – $14.2 million
2. This movie is basically like having a peppermint-flavored chocolate, egg nog & Lithium enema – $13.5 million
3. Could someone please make a movie where the Coca-Cola polar bears go rabid and f*cking maim these f*cking penguins already – $12.7 million
4. Nevermind, I’ve got it. For his next movie, James Bond is sent on a super secret spy mission in which he must penetrate the nefarious syndicate of arctic fowl who are intent on total world domination. His tux could be camouflage – $8.8 million
5. It’s hard to take Hollywood seriously when it comes to movies about the morality of jewelry, but we do respect their humanitarian efforts – $8.5 million
The edgy comedy writing geniuses over at SNL made this topical Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto trailer “re-cut” by simply placing funny Jew-hating subtitles over the actual preview (which is in Mayan). Even though I feel like I’ve already seen this on the Internet a hundred times (as recently as Friday’s startlingly similar version from Eat the Press), you’ve got to hand it to them for resisting the temptation to have the Mayans rapping.
Itâ€™s Best Night Ever for Sunday, December 10th! Michael is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including: The Wire, Dexter, the season finale of The Amazing Race, and Animals in the Womb [how exotic].
Michael blogs at perpetuallynauseous.blogspot.com
We premiered this video a few weeks back, but what with the release of the movie, we felt the time was right to reintroduce it into your lives. We hope you enjoy… Zach Braff‘s Apocalypto.
Well, it’s finally here, the wedding you had previously all been waiting for until you decided you didn’t really care anymore: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! They plan to wed in Africa, in a small village outside of Johannesburg, and don’t think of the wedding so much as a traditional wedding but more of a spiritual affirmation. We think of it as Shiloh‘s Partial Debastardization. This will be the third marriage for Jolie, who spent her previous two marriages tattooing the names of her “eternal loves” Billy Bob Thornton and Johnny Lee Miller across her body. Brad, who’s pocking in at a whopping 43-years of age, only has so many years left on his “hottest man alive” moniker (approx. 35 more years left, to be exact), so we’re glad to see he’s finally settling down before the classic “he-used-to-be-so-hot’s” ring in.
And side note: Oprah is actually invited to this one! We’re sure she’ll give the happy couple a (screamed like Oprah) Reallllly Expensiiiive Preseeeent!!!!
Eat the Press has obtained some exclusive still shots (complete with subtitles) of Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto, which opens tonight. Turns out that my perception of what the movie’s about was waaaaaay off. Click here to see for yourself.