While You Were Forgetting To Vote


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  • Wilmer Valderrama wants to perform for the troops overseas. The troops hope to learn a lot and are excited to see which underage starlet he decides to “perform” with on stage.
  • A Turkish man is so convinced that he was the inspiration for the character Borat he’s traveling to London and expects an apology from Sacha Baron Cohen. Rather than apologize, Cohen will assume the role of the man and turn the story of his journey into another blockbuster movie.
  • Dan Rather will join Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for Comedy Central’s election night coverage. Because nothing says “fake news” like Dan Rather.
  • According to a new biography, Paris Hilton’s mom is proud of her daughter’s homemade sex tape. As evidenced by her new “Your child may be an Honor Student, but mine awkwardly f**ks sleazy dudes on camera” bumper sticker.
  • Kanye West blames his disruptive outburst at the MTV Europe Awards on drinking a little too much. However, he still blames his massive ego on the fact that he’s just so damn talented and good looking it hurts. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

Best Night Ever: Monday, November 6th


It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, November 6th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Studio 60, Everybody Hates Chris, The Insider, and Prison Break!




  • LAME PSYCHO STALKER: Maksim Miakovsky. Dude, if you actually killed Hillary Duff, you would create so much angst within Joel Madden that he’d be tormenting us with sh*tty Good Charlotte albums from here to the apocalypse. (TMZ)
  • LAWYERS WHO SUE OLD PEOPLE: Glinder & Glinder (The Sound of Young America)
  • PRIDE PARADE: Doogie Howser isn’t the only gay who’s also famous. (Defamer)
  • DIVINE COMEDY: Madonna’s not so much a “Jew For Jesus” as she is a “Whore For Attention”. (The Scoop)

Uncle Sam Wants You To Believe That the War Is Over, Iraq Is Safe, and Enlisting Is a Good Idea


douche - unclesam.jpgAnyone with a brain and access to news media knows that Fallujah isn’t exactly a utopian paradise right now, but there’s still something pretty f*cked up about United States military recruiting officers lying to kids about the current situation in Iraq in order to get them to enlist. For a country that was able to muster so much moral outrage over an off-hand joke by John Kerry (or, as I like to call him, Hasbeen McDoesn’tmatter) about the importance of getting a good education in order to avoid getting shot at by Shiites, you’d think video footage of the milarity blantantly trying to trick kids into joining up might raise an eyebrow or two million. How is it that we’ve gone from brave men and women volunteering to fight for what is right and just, to some undereducated douchebag trying to bait-and-switch teenagers into buying a one-way ticket to Baghdad? It’s depressing that we have to say this, but we have no choice but to name our own Uncle Sam as today’s Daily Douche.

BWE CONTEST: What’s the Deal With the Free Comedy Tickets?!?



One of the great things about New York is all the wonderful places at which you can pay to sit in a room and watch another person attempt to make you laugh while standing up. Our friends over at Comix, Manhattan’s newest premiere comedy club, have offered to give away a VIP pass that will admit two people to any and all shows at the club this week. And they picked a good one, as David Cross, Janeane Garofalo, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford, Andy Kindler, Eugene Mirman, The Whitest Kids You Know and some dude named Christian Finnegan are all performing at the club in the next few days. You could have yourself a marathon of hilarity! For more information on how to enter and win, visit this info page or simply send an email to kcrews@comixny.com. The winner will be notified by 5pm tomorrow (Tuesday). Good luck – and no heckling!

LISTEN UP: Know Your Hip-Hop



  • As Idolator (and anyone else who watches The Wire) already knows, being unaware of Young Leek and his song “Jiggle It” is not only unwise – it’s deadly.
  • Unless he wants Will Smith to go upside his head, The Game had better quit talking so much sh*t about Jada over at Notes From a Different Kitchen.
  • Aquarium Drunkard’s plethora of outtakes from The Rolling Stones’ Exile On Main St. sessions most definitely gets my rocks off.
  • MOKB unabashedly loves Shout Out Out Out Out, so head on over and clap your hands out loud yeah yeah yeah OK Go!
  • According to Muzzle of Bees, the band known as Beach House has made the perfect winter record. Though my favorite winter record will always be “Entrance/Edgar Winter’s White Trash”.

ICYMI: Operation Enduring Occupation


Something felt familiar about last night’s “Treehouse of Horror” Halloween special on The Simpsons. If there’s one thing you think about as you head to the polls tomorrow, let it be this lesson, which Kang and Kodos just learned the hard way.