Esquire Mag Rewards Eating with Photo Shoot

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Esquire Magazine really steps out on a limb in their upcoming October issue, naming Scarlett Johanssen the “Sexiest Woman Alive.” The undeniably beautiful Scarlett tends to draw a lot of attention in Hollywood because she is the only one brave enough to eat 2 meals a day (it’s a wonder, given L.A.’s values, they don’t refer to her as plus-sized.) In the issue, she is portrayed as an “enigmatic trailer-park temptress,” sporting a “cleavage-baring black lingerie paired with an open white robe, among other get-ups.” (“Get-ups”? Like this?) Well, guessing from the screenshot grabbed from Google News above, her cleavage is all you really need to see to figure out that it’s her… so it seems Esquire hit this buxom nail right on its curvaceous head.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Billy Bob Photoshops

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Rather than allow some idiot (me) pick who submitted the best Billy Bob Board Of Scoundrels Photoshop entry, we’re going to let you, the readers, choose. Click below to vote Upgrade/Downgrade for these 10 photoshop submissions. We’ll see which one is the most popular, then on Monday give out a prize. So vote now!

When you’re done voting, head on over to Paul’s blog. It’s an educational read; how else would you know that 17 people committed suicide by hanging during production? Or that the entire film takes place in a mentally challenged child’s Snowglobe? You wouldn’t. You definitely wouldn’t.

The Office: Ain’t No Party Like A Scranton Party

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OFFICEJIMMICHAEl.JPGFor those of you obsessed with the Jim and Pam (“Jam” or “Pim”) romance on The Office, take a few minutes of your afternoon to get overcome with rage. Because it doesn’t look like the most adorable coupling on television is going to happen for a while. Yesterday’s episode, The Convention, reunited our favorite on-screen threesome, Michael, Dwight and Jim, for the first time this season, and thank God! We missed the usual bantering. But how many episodes are we going to have to suffer through until Jim and Pam realize they’re MFEO? Anyway, we always enjoy when the show goes offsite, as it’s refreshing to see Michael in his “fun jeans” and swaggy MS Office Hawaiian shirt, desperate to be part of an “inside” joke. (Sorrow!) But something about this season just feels so… different. More… depressing? We can’t put our finger on it. Thankfully, it’s still the funniest show on tv — even if it continues to just barely beat out Til Death in the ratings. Thoughts on the episode?

As a reminder, check out the deleted scenes on NBC.com… if only to witness Jan acting like a creepy MILF.

According To Jim, David Cross Is a Jerkface

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Our comedy-crazed buddy over at The Apiary did some hard-hitting journalistic investigation to get to the bottom of the long-existent (though rarely understood) celebrity feud between Jim “Big Brother’s Shadow” Belushi and beloved alternahipsterindiecomic David Cross. We’ll leave the in-depth explanation of this bitter rivalry to The Apiary, but we simply must share with you this clip of Cross getting tossed from the stage for simply wanting to “rock out” a little during one of The Belush’s more mind-crushing Blues Brothers 2000 harmonica solos.

BWE Sneak Preview: Bill Parcells’ Needs a T.O.

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Take a sneak peak at a clip from tonight’s brand new episode of Best Week Ever, which sheds some additional light onto the mystery of Terrell Owens‘ suicide attempt… could it be soda related? And don’t forget to watch Best Week Ever tonight at 11 pm ET!

POLL: China’s Animal Olympics: Awesome, Really Awesome, Or I’m A P*ssy

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Kangaroos boxing humans. Bears fighting bears. Zebras and goats jumping over hurdles. What is this, a Looney Toons marathon on the Cartoon Network? Nope, it’s the Animal Olympics, taking place right now in China.

Animal rights activists are disgusted by the AO, calling it “sickening” and “barbaric”. But think about it this way; If you really believe in animal rights, wouldn’t you want these animals to have the right to participate in sporting events like humans? That’s some deep stuff right there.

So what do you think about the Animal Olympics? Vote now!

Sorry Wheaties, Champions Have a New Breakfast!

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pancakesausage.jpgYou know, bowls of boring bran flakes are for losers. That’s right, Michael Jordan and Mary Lou Retton f*cking LIED to you, because there is only one TRUE “Breakfast of Champions” and that breakfast happens to be the new Chocolate Chip-flavored Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick from my boy Jimmy Dean. Yes, even the sleepiest of sleepy-heads will perk right up with they peel the plastic off one of these frozen treats, toss that bad boy in the microwave and wait a mere 90 seconds take a bite of chocolatey pancake-and-pork-product perfection. Mmmmmm Hmmmmm. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna mosey on over the BWE Break Room and shove another of these delicious little delectables down my gullet (but this time I think I’ll drizzle a little Aunt Jemima’s on them first). Ahh yeah.