BREAKING EXCLUSIVE: Leto’s Blog Hatred Escalates to Violence – Stereogum Attacked!

by

letostereo.JPG

Amidst eye-witness reports of Jared Leto’s confrontation with Elijah Wood at last night’s mtvU Woodies awards show, we have just received an EXCLUSIVE account of yet another violent Leto incident, this one involving our friend Scott Stereogum. Here’s what Scott told us:

  • After spotting Jared in the VIP section last night, Stereogum grabs some footage of himself boldly inquiring about Leto’s stated hatred of blogs.

  • Jared, perhaps having made the realization he’s actually among the blog scum he so loathes, firmly grabs Stereogum’s arm and begins loudly expressing his displeasure with the question.
  • Sensing that the eyeliner-wearing rock goddess might be in danger, a nearby security monkey grabs Stereogum, erases all the data in his camera, and forcibly removes him from the entire venue, severly injuring his left ring finger – his BLOGGING FINGER – in the process.
  • Stereogum is now seeking medical attention and, possibly (if it were us, at least) legal counsel.

So it’s official – Leto was on a violent tear last night, leaving hobbits and bloggers bloodied in his path. He probably would have blogged about this himself, if not for the legal ramifications, and the fact that his inujury has left him unable to type the letters “S”, “W” or “X”.

Leto’s violent methods of stopping bloggers could really jeopardize Stereogum’s South By Southwest coverage, but thank god he can still type “Jared Leto” and “Total Douche”.

Don’t Hassel the Beck: Henchmen On The Loose

by

HASSELBECK1.JPGWe never thought Elisabeth “With an S” Hasselbeck had it in her, but already the Law & Order retribution has begun. This Monday, the dimples likely disappeared off of L&O actor Jesse L. Martin‘s face when he learned that somebody (read: goons) broke into his SUV and stole everything (including his luggage, a video Ipod, and “dozens of autographed pictures”, worth millions.) This, only days after the verbal scuffle between the L&O producer Neal Baer and Hasselbeck, who accused the show of using her name for a character that was stalked, raped and murdered. While one could simply “chalk this [robbery] up to coincidence”, we don’t think people give the tiny pipsqueak enough street cred. Forget never booking the actors on The View again: Richard Belzer better be veeeery careful in the next coupla days, lest he wake up in the morning with a used maxipad in his bed.

BWE PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Oprah’s Boob Tube

by

star wars kid.jpgYesterday Madonna dropped by The Oprah Winfrey Show to bore us to tears discuss the controversy surrounding her recent adoption of an African baby. Yawn. Even Oprah looked like she’d rather be watching something else on her fancy flat screen TV.

So now it’s up to you: what do you think Oprah would rather be watching? Click below to get a picture to work with, then send your submissions to contests@bwe.tv. The best picture we receive by tomorrow afternoon gets a prize.

And no, the prize isn’t going to be an adopted African baby of your very own. Well… it probably won’t be. Good luck!

Read more…

Ladies and Gentlemen: Iraq’s Jon Stewart

by

IRAQIJONSTEWART.JPG

The above picture is of Saad Khalifa, host of fake Iraqi news show Hurry Up, He’s Dead. A New York Times article profiling this Disco Stu lookalike gives a nice little glimpse into what tickles the Iraqi funny bone. Like this little ditty:

It is the year 2017 and the main character, Saaed, is the last Iraqi alive. He is lying face down on a beach with a red suitcase next to him. When he comes to, he is quickly encircled by beautiful women. Cut to a scene of Saaed clad in a black T-shirt imprinted with “2PAC,” showboating in front of a white stretch Humvee limousine with dancers cavorting all around.

And who is to blame for making 1996 hilarious in Iraq? America, that’s who. Though the premise of the show sounds about 100 times funnier than any fake-SNL sketch on Studio 60, and for that, we salute them. (We tried to find clips of the show on Youtube, but looks like the site hasn’t taken off there yet…)

Tourin’ With The Devil?

by

van halen.jpgHere’s a bit of news that’s sure to make your 42-year-old uncle (the one with the bald spot and ponytail) Jump for joy. For a record setting 20th year in a row there’s an unsubstantiated rumor floating around that David Lee Roth is FINALLY reuniting with Van Halen. From MelodicRock.com:

No more teasing. Never tease where Van Halen is concerned…I have information from a highly placed source that Van Halen will likely tour in 2007 with David Lee Roth as frontman.

Negotiations are currently underway to re-unite Van Halen with their original frontman for a tour in 2007 that will take in Amercia and possibly other territories. While nothing in the world of Van Halen is set until the band walk out on stage, I can confirm that negotiations between all parties have been underway for some time, trying to put together a big 2007 re-union tour.

So there you have it, it’s “official.” We’re skeptical, and we wonder what’s going to come first: a Van Halen reunion tour or GnR’s Chinese Democracy? Or peace in the middle east? We’re going with C.

CAPTION THIS! Ape Fear

by

Caption This! brought to you by Stranger Than Fiction, in theaters November 10th.

LEONARDODICAPRIO.JPG

Leonardo DiCaprio, spotted in L.A. filming his new Bravo Show “Hipster Eye for the Sasquatch Guy.”

Now it’s your turn! And there are so many possibilities… leave you caption in the comments!

Christian Reviews Christian

by

christian5.jpg

There’s an old saying: You can’t please all the people all the time. Well, apparently Christian Finnegan can’t even please himself. Christian’s inner monologue took a break from its busy day to review his new comedy album, Two For Flinching. Let’s just say it wasn’t a fan:

I recently had the supreme misfortune of receiving an advance copy of Two For Flinching, the debut CD by purported humorist Christian Finnegan. You may recognize Finnegan as the least funny person on VH1′s Best Week Ever. Or you might recognize him as the white guy from the “Mad Real World” on Chappelle’s Show, a credit I’m guessing Mr. Finnegan will try to coast on until there are no longer any frat boys left who think shouting “You stabbed my dad!” is hilarious.

Read the rest of Christian’s inner monologue’s review here. Then go buy his damn album already.

SIZZLER: Gollum Leto Hates Hobbitses

by

frodo.jpg

From our live-blogging perch in a dark corner at last night’s mtvU Woodie awards, we couldn’t see much more than a bunch of drunken college kids screaming “Woooooo!”, which is why we missed this delicious little morsel of celebrity interaction, first reported to us by BWE reader Pee Dee, and now corroborated by another eyewitness report over at Dlisted. Apparently, in between his pretentious acceptance speeches and constant eyeliner application, Jared Leto found the time to saunter over to Elijah Wood’s table and harass Frodo nearly to the point of blows. Here’s what we know so far:

Jared starts whispering stuff in his ear and and occasionally pulling back to look him in the face. Jared then walks away and Elijah turns to his date…and says something. Well something about this must have pissed Jared off because he comes running back to the table, grabs Elijah by the neck and starts screaming at him. All I could catch was Jared calling him a “f*cking asshole”. He then shoves Elijah and storms off. Bodyguards come up and Elijah assures everyone he’s fine.

I’m not sure what Leto could have against the Hobbits, but it probably has something with their peaceful, friendly way of life being at odds with his own agonized, angst-ridden emo existence. Also, if anyone knows more about this, be sure to let us know!

While You Were Paging Dog the Bounty Hunter…

by

NAOMICAMPBELL1.JPG

Girls’s Costume Warehouse!

by

collegehumor.JPGAre you a girl? Are you still trying to figure out what to be for Halloween this year? Well, head on over to Girls’s Costume Warehouse in Hackensack, NJ and all of your problems will be solved.

Judging by the AbDoer commercial preceding it and Judge Mathis following it, I have no choice but to believe this is a real commercial. No choice whatsoever. Click here to watch it now!