While You Were Trying to Follow The Path to 9/11

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  • If you commemorated the 5-year anniversary of 9/11 by watching ABC’s shockingly fictional mini-series about the events leading up to the tragedy, check out this clip highlighting a few other historical liberties the network has taken in the past.
  • But at least US and NYC officials have done such a good job on getting the 9/11 Memorial Hole finished in time.
  • Ben Affleck was voted “best actor” in Venice, winning a Golden Bear for his role in Hollywoodland. We were pretty impressed until we realized “best actress” went to Haylie Duff for her work in Material Girls. Silly Italians.
  • The Law & Order writers seem to be getting pretty lazy. Last year it was the “crazed celebrity Scientologist” episode. This season kicks off with a “pop princess/wannabe rapper deadbeat husband” storyline. What’s next, “The Case of the Alcoholic Jew-hater”?
  • Ian Schrager, legendary hotel mogul and one of the men responsible for the original Studio 54, has banned “the likes of Paris Hilton and her ilk” from his ultra-swanky Gramercy Park Hotel in Manhattan. So if you’re keeping score, doing blow on top of a circus elephant with Truman Capote and Diana Ross: acceptable. Showing up with Brandon Davis and slurring, “hot”: unacceptable.

ICYMI: Hey! It’s Enricco Pallazzo!

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Dennis Hastert (not to be confused with President David Palmer, Dennis Haysbert) proved yesterday that knowing the words to the Star-Spangled Banner is not one of the duties of the Speaker of the House. We hope you enjoy his 9/11 rendition of our national anthem… the Star-Spaniel Banner.

Lt. Frank Drebin, as always, was unavailable for comment.

…OF THE DAY

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  • PICKER: Brooke Shields picks it and licks it, the same way you just did in your cubicle. It’s OK to panic, we saw you. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • BUILDING DEDICATION: The Rock donated $2 million to his alma mater, the University of Miami. Students can look forward to getting burgers at the Nation of Domination Dining Hall, then heading over to calculus class in the Eyebrows McGinty College of Mathematics. (Contact Music)
  • HARDEST BREAK-UP: Fergie claims that her worst break-up was with Crystal Meth. Girrrl I know what you mean! He won’t return my calls either. (People Magazine)
  • CLIP: It seemed impossible for Orlando Bloom to get any smarmier. But add into the mix his authentic English accent and a pinch of Ricky Gervais, and, yup! It’s possible. (YouTube)
  • EMPTY THREAT: While we’ve avoided bringing up the fifth anniversary of September 11th today, mainly because we’re a gossip blog and are still shaken by the CBS 9/11 doc we watched last night, we will point out that today, one good thing has now officially taken place… in that Eva Longoria claims that Desperate Housewives is her last TV show. (Yahoo News)
  • 9/11 DOC: And if you missed said documentary last night, CBS has it in its entirety on their website. Required viewing in our opinion. (CBS Innertube)

ICYMI: Tyra’s B-Roll is The B-est

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The season premiere of The Tyra Banks Show aired today, and naturally it was her “most explosive episode yet!” Tyra tackled the subject of racism, which as you could imagine, she is NOT a fan of. The best part of the entire episode (besides segregating the audience and besides the stereotypical observations on stereotypes) had to be the opening, though. To illustrate the point that race is still an issue in the US, Tyra uses b-roll footage of people racing. Like, in a race. Hmm. Interesting choice.

Maybe somebody should explain to Tyra that there are different types of races. Besides black, white, drag and foot, that is.

GAMES: Create Your Own Simpsons Character

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simp2.JPGIn honor of The Simpsons kicking off their 37th season last night (ballpark estimate), you should head on over to The Simpsonmaker to create your very own Simpsons character. For two reasons:

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You’ve always wondered what you’d look like if you lived in Springfield

  • 2. Judging by the premiere, this could very well be the most entertaining thing about The Simpsons this year. Have fun.
  • Stormy the Weatherdog Pleads for Your Help

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    Stormy2.JPGWe thought animals and weatherman couldn’t get anymore adorable than last week’s “roach on leg” fiasco… and we were wrong. Because today we became acquianted with Stormy the Weatherdog, an animal whose face just screams “good times.” Stormy is part of the CBS 19 Newsteam in East Texas — seriously, he’s in their banner and everything — and accompanies the Chief Meteorologist in all of his reports. If the weather outside is rainy, Stormy arrives on set with a tiny brelly. If it’s cold, he’s in a sweater. And when the sun is shining, Stormy dons a visor and mats his fur down with sunscreen and bronzer in an effort to teach children about melanoma safety. Which makes us wonder: What will happen if Texas sees their own deadly hurricane? Will Stormy understand the severity of the situation, or will he just keep licking his sack as per yoozh?

    All jokes aside, Stormy seems like a fun addition to the newscast. But it would be nearly impossible for him to compete with our favorite canine weatherman, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

    LISTEN UP: Totally Krossed Out

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    • I Am Fuel, You Are Friends remembers 9/11 by posting tracks from 2001′s America: Tribute To Heroes. So head on over there for Springsteen, Neil Young, U2 and more.
    • Meanwhile, Ear Farm is taunting ObL by posting tracks by bin Laden’s dream woman’s husband, Bobby Brown. Hey, at least it’s something.
    • Badminton Stamps posted Kriss Kross’ “I Missed The Bus” today, a song I haven’t heard in about 14 years. When are those guys gonna go on The Surreal Life?
    • Nerd Litter has a few Blackalicious tracks today, including the must-download “Alphabet Aerobics”.
    • Finally, head on over to Brooklyn Vegan for 14 live Ted Leo tracks.

    EXCLUSIVE: Ashlee Simpson Drops $11K, Looks Pretty, Acts Nice

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    Ashlee.JPGFine, fine. Not the most sordid headline of all time. But for those of you wondering what the real fake-looking Ashlee Simpson is like, perhaps you’ll enjoy this peek into an evening with the young singer. Saturday evening, Ashlee and her mini-entourage stopped by Barney’s New York with only 20 minutes til closing, to peruse the merch and possibly purch. Our source, who was with Ashlee during her spree, describes the scene as such: Employees roped off four dressing rooms for Ashlee and her friends, which were stuffed to the gills with clothes — size ZERO, if you were wondering. She then somehow magically tried on everything in the four rooms in under 20 minutes, all the while “looking really beautiful”, with her bodyguard standing closeby. At the end of the fitting room frenzy, Ashlee ended up purchasing $11,000 worth of merchandise (again, while being in the store for under 30 minutes), including some items for her friends and her assistant.

    And the mark of “Wow, maybe she’s not a d-bag”? Lil’ Simpson refused to have her clothes wrapped and folded, telling the salesman to just shove her new purchases in the shopping bag. Way to keep it real, Ash! Real wrinkled. Hey-OH!

    Probable Cosby: Does She Snort it Off a Mirrored Hux-table?

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    RudyHuxtable.JPGBreaking Keisha Knight Pulliam development: Rudy does cocaine! After years and years of being out of the spotlight, Pulliam wisens up and realizes a serious drug habit is the only way people would care enough to post “saucy” pics of her in “sexy” monokinis/jeans (right). A college acquaintance of Pulliam’s claims she began a steady diet of cocaine and bitterness her freshman year, in an effort to shed some child star poundage. Now, years later, she’s a full-blown functioning coke head. How Rudy! Look, it’s no secret that eh-tons of celebs use the madgy-powdy to keep all the right bones stickin’ out. But Pullman hasn’t worked in years… Not since losing her innocent 5-year-old good looks anyway. And for us this is scarring — Rudy was our fave! What’s next? Has Bud taken to the needle? Is Cockroach giving h-jobs for K?

    On second thought, good for Keisha. If only Raven Symone could take up the habit, maybe we could stand to love her again.