It’s the BWE Tuesday Afternoon Movie for September 19th! Every Tuesday, we’ll post a short film from our panelists, friends, and user submissions. Want to submit a movie? Send your short films and sketches to email@example.com.
This week, the Wicked Wicked Hammerkatz say goodbye to this cruel world…
Let me start by saying I have nothing against Pink. I may not celebrate the pop starâ€™s catalog, but youâ€™re not going to find me at any anti-Pink record-burning rallys either (although that would actually be kind of cool). Pink and I just kind of exist on the same planet and over the past 2 1/2 decades we’ve had about as much of a connection as Lance Bass and Emmanuelle Chiriqui did in On The Line. It was great, until NBC went and ruined it.
In a misguided attempt to connect with women (or the nationâ€™s youth, or other pop stars who are married to professional skateboarders), NBC tabbed Pink as the musical act that introduces their Sunday night NFL telecast. Now suddenly we’re connected. I never thought I’d say this, but come on… wasn’t Hank Williams Jr. available?
Onto to the three subplots that struck me as particularly interesting in Week 2 of the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE.
Wide receivers continue to be the bane of professional sports, I blame Y2K
When did wide receivers become the worst people in the world? Was there an exact year? Without any real evidence to go on, Iâ€™ll say 2000. While we were all preoccupied with Y2K, Terrell Owens and several of his contemporary professional pass catchers took this opportunity to hatch a plan to become utterly despicable human beings.
Which hifalutin talk show host was seen walking down the red carpet wearing the latest in designer moustaches? We would elaborate, but staring at it so long started giving us the pre-harfing burps, so… just… take a look at who it is after the jump.
(THE FOLLOWING IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT)
Hey there, party-people! Do you ever find yourselves bumpin’ and grindin’ your body (and teeth) through the hottest dance clubs in Hollywood, Manhattan, Vegas, Miami (and – oh f*ck it – Columbus, Ohio too!) when you suddenly feel a nagging sense of exhaustion (possibly from the 9 shots of SoCo-lime you drank) that is really getting in the way of your “keeping the party going” (or “going back to some d-bag’s apartment to get date-raped”), and thus making you wish there were something you could do (or perhaps take) that would give you just the perk you need to party the night away (and babble everyone’s ear off about “your acting dreams”)?
Well, thanks to the wonders of a new miracle drug called Cocaine, you too can live the glamorous lifestyle of the “rich and famous” (or “ridiculed and pathetic”). But that’s not all!!! Now, instead of crowding into a crramped nightclub bathroom stall with 7 of your friends and hoovering “Nicole Richie Diet Formula” up your scabbed septums while trying to avoid the bouncers you haven’t yet blown to keep quiet (lest you get busted and require mommy to bail you out again), you can purchase this all-new, completely-legal, highly-addictive, mind-destroying alternative called Cocaine In a Can! It’s sort of like Red Bull, but way classier! Goes great with Vodka and indignity!
Sold in the establishments of NYC’s Meatpacking District, LA’s West Hollywood, and other places in which douchebags tend to drunkenly congregate (usually a local nightclub called “Senses” or “Ice” or “Fluid” or “Swig” or something).
We’ve seen rockers OK Go on a lot of stuff. On rhythm, on treadmills and now, unbelievably…on ice!?! I’m sorry, but when an obscure indie rock band’s viral video stunt becomes such a phenomenon that it inspires figure skaters to adapt it into their routine for the Canadian nationals, the joke has jumped a triple-axle over the proverbial shark. Right? No? Ok ok (go), who are we kidding – we love this stuff. Thanks to reader fmradiapathy for dropping it.
It’s being reported that Paramount Pictures is going to offer Brad Pitt nearly $40 million to take over the Mission Impossible franchise from Tom Cruise. All he has to do is choose to accept it.
“They’re all set on Brad taking over as a gutsy new head operative who puts together his own unique team of specialists.” Sources say Paramount is prepared to do whatever it takes to get Pitt on board, and is even willing to make him the highest-paid movie star in history, with a salary topping Â£21 million ($39.4 million).”
Many will balk at the amount of money being thrown Brad’s way, but in actuality it all makes sense. Paramount will once again have their good-looking, sure-thing, can’t-miss action hero, while Brad and Angelina will have enough money to finally buy Africa. Just like they always wanted!
Story via Celebitchy
This week has really opened our eyes to how painfully empty our lives are. Why? Because The Office premieres on Thursday, and we’re having trouble concentrating on anything non-Office related. It’s a horrible addiction. Seriously, we’re at the point where we’ll give h-jobs for random show-related Youtube clips, like Marky Mark in Boogie Nights. So, please, join us as we watch the following clip of John Krasinski and Steve Carell horsing around with E!’s Kristin “What a Lucky” Veitch.
This vintage 48 Hours segment documenting Nick Nolte’s
quest to stay young final transformation into Gary Busey is one of those videos that is just so jam-packed with amazingness that it’s impossible to even summarize. There are some boring bits too, but the highlights – which include a wild-haired Nolte wandering around in his PJ’s, undergoing various medical procedures with electrodes attached to him, teaching us several grim lessons about the long-term effects of cigarette-and-scotch abuse, and playing “Dance Dance Revolution” – make this a clip well worth watching. The best part is this was all filmed before this. (via Fast Hugs)
Brazilian beer brewers Nova Schin is splitting hairs with its depiction of pregnant women enjoying a nice cold (non-alcoholic) beer. According to AdRants, hot pregnant women are the official new “advertising hood ornaments,” and we couldn’t be happier. Because pregnant women are just like us. So what if they have a huge shiny orb protruding out of your midsection, stretching their skin to its ultimate limits, while a tiny, little plasma-covered thing grows inside of them? Pregnant women are young! (Under 50!) And they’re obviously attractive enough — they managed to get seminated! And, if young enough, odds are they’re a little bit slutty! I say let ‘em do keg stands like the rest of us. It’ll help ease them into their drinking problems once the post-partum depression kicks in — and kids love beer pong. (View the other pics here.)