LISTEN UP: Always One Foot On The Ground

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  • Oasis’ greatest hits album comes out tomorrow. Page 300 has their cover of “Helter Skelter.” Download it, but first promise me that you won’t kill anybody because of it.
  • Speaking of covers, Hate Something Beautiful posted two Of Montreal covers, including their take on The Shins’ “Know Your Onion!”
  • An Aquarium Drunkard also has two mp3′s today. The Hold Steady’s “Chips Ahoy” and “Southtown Girls.” Download them both.
  • The Music Slut posted two Regina Spektor tracks today, one being “Fidelity.” I’d tell you how much I love this song, but I don’t want you to judge me.
  • And finally, Rewriteable Content has a great mix including tracks by Radiohead, The Rapture, Sufjan, comedy by Demetri Martin and more. Get to work.

You Had Us, You Lost Us

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Britney Britney Britney. What are you doing? What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Two weeks ago we were eating out of the palm of your hand (note: it kind of tasted like Cheetos.) When you dropped by Letterman we thought “damn, she’s looking good!” When you kicked that waste of space K-Fed to the curb we said “damn, she’s doing good!” And when you stuck it to him with an ironclad pre-nup we yelled “Damn! You go girl!” in the sassiest voice we ‘re capable of using. You had us Britney, you had us. And now you’ve lost us.

What the hell are you doing with Paris Hilton? Seriously Britney, what the hell? You realize she’s just a female Federline, don’t you? She’s talentless. She’s annoying. She’s a bad influence. If you stick around her, not only are we going to think less of you, but she’s also destined to ruin your life in one way or another. She’ll either give you an eating disorder, make you hang out with Brandon Davis or possibly even co-star in a homemade sex tape with you.

Actually… wait a second. We it all back. You two kids have fun.

For more pics of Paris & The Simple Wife ™, click here.

ICYMI: The Greatest Game Ever Played

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ps3smashed.jpgYou already know how I feel about the practice of lining up outside of an electronics retailer like a bunch of brainless sheep to be the first person to get your hands on the Latest Video Game Console That’s Not As Good As An Old-School Nintendo, so when I saw this video of a dude buying a brand new PS3, then taking his purchase to a Best Buy where said morons were lined up and waiting to buy one of their own, then proceeding to smash the shiny new video game unit with a sledgehammer, I must confess that I felt a proverbial “LOL” swelling up from deep within my cold black heart. Whether you’re a gamer or not, this clip is still pretty priceless.

(via DoubleViking)

Michael Richards- Don’t Forget: Life Is Like a Mop

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stanleyspadowski.jpgThis isn’t going to be an easy time for Michael Richards. Hey- the guy effed up, he deserves what he gets. But as longtime Seinfeld fans we’d be remiss not to at least offer him some good advice. Some good advice from Stanley Spadowski:

Sometimes you just hafta take what life gives you. ‘Cause life is like a mop, and sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff. Well, you, you gotta clean it out! You gotta put it in here and rinse it off and start all over again. And sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad that a mop is not good enough, a mop isn’t good enough. You gotta get down there with a, with a toothbrush ya know! You gotta scrub, you gotta get it all off, you gotta really try to get it all off. And if that doesn’t work, you can’t give up! You gotta stand right up, run to the window and say: “Hey! The floors are dirty as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore!!”

C’mon, you knew we were going to pull something from UHF, didn’t you? It was either this, or dig deeper into the “you get to drink from the firehose!” line. I think we made the right choice.

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: The Penguins March On

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happyfeet.jpg1. This inevitable blockbuster combines America’s deep-seeded love for penguins with its burning passion for movies about CGI-animated animals who sound like celebrities, resulting in an unholy alchemy of powerful forces colliding together to create a movie so magnetic that every man, woman, and child in this country has no choice but to see it – $42.3 million

2. “The name’s Bond. James Bond.” “Uh, yeah, that’s cool – but if you’re not a computer-generated penguin named Flippy who sounds like Gilbert Gottfried and slips around hilariously on ice a lot, we don’t really give a sh*t” – $40.6 million

3. On the food chain of outraged people trying to sue Borat, we’re down to…racist rodeo clowns and Mothers Against Not Using Penguins In Movies – $14.3 million

4. F*ck Santa Claus, you know who else lives in the North Pole? Penguins – $8.2 million

5. For the sequel, the producers are already conducting extensive research to determine whether or not penguins could realistically exist in underground sewer cities – $6.8 million

That Kramer is One Wacky Racist!

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You know it’s going to be an interesting week when the first story you see on TMZ.com begins with: Warning: What You Are About To See Is Profane And Racial.

Michael Richards, you know him as the loveable Kramer, lost his mind at a recent stand-up gig. He didn’t lose it in the Kramer’s-so-crazy! kind of way we’d expect. No. It was more the oh-my-God-did-he-really-call-that-guy-the N-word-repeatedly? kind of way.

Check out the video on TMZ or watch the news report below. The countdown to Richards’ inevitable “I have a problem with alcohol” press conference has begun.