THE DAILY DOUCHE: Leto’s Sword In the Stone?

by

letogaywad.jpgJared Leto and Sharon Stone? Of course! If you’re a marginally-talented 34 year-old character actor currently in the midst of a misguided mid-career crisis in which you’re trying to reinvent yourself as a dark and mysterious indie rocker, what better idea could you possibly have than to get out there and do some “canoodling” with a 48 year-old has been best known for giving America its glimpse of her battered vajayjay all the way back in ’92? There simply aren’t any ideas better than that, which is why we must offer our congratulations to Mr. Leto, who’s managed to somehow outdouche himself yet again. Bravo, Jared – how fitting that you would be our very first Daily Douche.

The Biggest Loser In Reverse

by

Ever wondered what The Biggest Loser would look like when shows in reverse? It would probably involve slim, attractive people jogging and sweating their way into a live human-flesh fatty suit. Or maybe it would look like this video, of one Matt McAllister breaking the Guiness World Record for Most T-Shirts Worn at the Same Time.

CAPTION THIS! The Duff Triplets

by

clay_aiken1.jpg

Haylie Duff tries her best to come to grips with the fact that she’s the third prettiest person being photographed.

Your turn. Leave your captions in the comments now. (pic via PerezHilton)

ICYMI: The Top 10 Borat Skits of All-Time

by

Cracked has compiled a list, complete with YouTube clips, of the best Borat skits ever. Watching them make you even more anxious for that damn Borat movie to come out already. I’ve included my favorite Borat video below, then you can click here to see the other 9. Niiiiice.

PROPPED: George Michael Is The Next George Michael

by

gm.jpgWith George Sr. out of prison and starring in a new sitcom, Tobias & GOB voicing characters for Comedy Central’s Freak Show, and Maeby starring in cheesy TV movies, it’s been difficult watching the cast of Arrested Development move on with their lives. It’s too soon. We’re not ready to see them in other roles. Unless, of course, we’re talking about George Michael, and the role is rock star.

Meet The Long Goodbye, (George) Michael Cera’s band. They kind of sound like Weezer meets The Honey Brothers meets early Ben Lee. Throw in one of the top 3 characters on one of the top 5 funniest shows ever, and you have the coolest band of 18-year-old kids ever. Below is the video for the song “My House”. Enjoy. Then head over to their MySpace page and watch their performance of the Weezer song “El Scorcho.” If watching George Michael yell “Goddamn you half Japenese girls!” doesn’t put a smile on your face today, I don’t know what will.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Thanks to cjayne for dropping this. Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

“SIZZLER”: Two Pseudo-Celebrities Have Ended Their Publicity Stunt of a Relationship!

by

Nicole-Richie-and-Brody-Jen.jpg

Relationship?

I know there are rumors regarding my “breakup” with Brody Jenner. The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he’s a nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity.Nicole Richie, MySpace, 10/4/06

While saddened by the news of Nicole’s break-up with Laguna Douche, I just can’t figure out what she could possibly mean by that “publicity” remark. I mean, really:
who
would
possibly
even
begin
to
care?

While You Were Following Foley’s Follies

by

    kfed2.jpg
  • Brad Pitt says he wants to have a total of six kids by next year. Coincidentally, Mark Foley says the same thing.
  • Helena Bonham Carter thinks Hollywood has an unhealthy obsession with youth. However, seeing as how she recently turned 40, nobody in Hollywood cares what she thinks.
  • A spokeswoman for Madonna denies claims that the singer adopted a one-year-old orphan boy from the African nation of Malawi. She simply kidnapped the child to sell him into slavery– she did NOT adopt him. Please get your facts straight.
  • Kevin Federline will get $10 million if he divorces Britney Spears. He considers it a much better deal than the increasingly less attractive wife he gets if he stays.
  • Nicole Richie and Brody Miller Jenner have called it quits. The breakup results in Nicole suddenly becoming single again, and Brody suddenly becoming irrelevant again.

…Of The Day

by

    treyandmatt.jpg
  • FALL WARDROBE: When a model falls down once, it’s funny. When they fall down twice, it’s worrisome… and funny. (CBSNews)
  • NOT EXACTLY A SURPRISE: When Trey Parker & Matt Stone walked the red carpet in drag, they were high on acid. That’s actually somewhat relieving. (Defamer)
  • ARTICLE: He’s Constantine Maroulis. He wishes you knew that. Complete with Scott Savol insults and everything! (CityRag)
  • WHO KNEW? Remember that sport hockey? Well, apparently people are still playing it. The new season starts tonight. (Deadspin)
  • RESPONSIBLE ADULT: Hilary Duff, who despite dating one of the dudes from Good Charlotte, actually has a pretty good head on her shoulders. And she’s apparently good with money, too. (I’m Not Obsessed)