AD WIZARDS: The Nutty Professional Baseball Player

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You might not remember major leaguer Mark Littell (most likely because he’s primarily known for being a mediocre Kansas City Royals pitcher back in the late 70′s), but this commercial for his athletic support product “The Nutty Buddy”, is pretty unforgettable. In less than two minutes, Littell sexually harasses a “sweet-looking” high school girl named Lacey, randomly tells us he’s not a transvestite, repeatedly refers to his “cajonies”, hoists himself atop two Igloo water coolers wearing tight spandex shorts and a backwards batting helmet, and voluntarily takes a 100-mph fastball right in the junk, all to demonstrate the effectiveness of what is ostensibly an average athletic cup, and all under the watchful gaze of Masa Koyanagi, the “Asian trainer” whose purpose is never clearly explained. The Nutty Buddy comes in three sizes: “The Boss”, “The Hog”, and “El Jefe”. I don’t know what it means, but some reason I feel like I should purchase the Spanish one.

Faith Hill Is Not A Bitch, She’s Just Not Funny

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faithhill.jpgThis Just In: Faith Hill wasn’t actually outraged and upset when Carrie Underwood beat her out for Female Vocalist of The Year at last night’s CMA Awards. She was just kidding! It was a joke! Get it?

“The idea that I would act disrespectful towards a fellow musician is unimaginable to me. For this to become a focus of attention given the talent gathered is utterly ridiculous. Carrie is a talented and deserving Female Vocalist of The Year.”

Apparently Faith has been attending the John Kerry School of Comedy. Somebody has to tell these unfunny celebrities to stop trying to crack jokes in public; it only ends up making them look stupid. First Kerry, now Faith, and let’s not forget about the comedy album that Kevin Federline released last week. When will they learn?

Who do you think should stop trying to be funny in public? Vote now!

Katherine McPhee Guilty of Murder…

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…ing a great song, that is. Last week, we told you that American Idol star Katherine McPhee scrapped plans of singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” in order to sing “I Have Nothing”, upon learning Whitney Houston was in the audience. Here’s the thing about that. If you’re going to get up in front of arguably the greatest singer of our time in order to “honor” her, then you better lay that track down! You better sing it so well that half the U.S. Navy drowns in ecstasy! For example, when the day finally comes where I find myself serenading Paul Robeson in heaven, you best believe he’ll be weeping into his own lap from the sheer beauty of it all.

So did McPhee live up to expectation? Check out this clip of the concert taken from Access Hollywood, and you tell us. It took us a few minutes to realize that the noise we were hearing wasn’t our cat on the rag.

The Spears-Letterman PR Firm Video Timeline

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In the middle of last night’s David Letterman show, apropros of nothing, Britney Spears suddenly appeared at Dave’s desk, dribbled out a few half-sentences and giggles, then toddled her way back across the entire stage, ensuring that every man, woman and child in this country got themselves a long look at her newly svelte figure, which wasn’t difficult as Brit appeared to be wearing no garments on the lower half of her body. The only way she could have driven home the message of this “Dress Release” any harder is if there were a giant neon sign blinking “Hot Again!” hanging over her. After admiring the hard work of her team of highly-paid nutritionists and fitness experts, it occurred to us that this isn’t the first time Britney has used Dave’s stage as her own private press conference. After the jump, we’ve prepared a video timeline of several of her more memorable appearances on the show, and what exactly she was there to tell you.

When: Last Night
What: Britney has a walk-off with herself for no apparent reason.
Why: “I’m not fat anymore, y’all!”

Read more…

Nicole Richie Is The New Mickey Mouse

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Finally, an answer to the question you’ve been asking yourself for months: Is Nicole Richie slowly transforming into an adorable animal you’d find on CuteOverload.com? The answer, according to CityRag: Unfortunately, yes. Check out their newest post, Dying To Be Cute. It’s the most intelligent observation regarding skinny celebrities you’ll ever read on a blog, beating out the second-most intelligent blog observation: “OMG, they’re so skinny!!! I bet they snort coke & never eat! LOL!”

A Look at Sacha Baron Cohen: We Promise We Won’t Say It

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sacha-baron-cohen.jpgOur seemingly excessive coverage of a certain record-breaking film that opened last weekend made some of you suspicious that we were actually undercover ops working overtime to get your ass in a theater seat. While the movie remains High-Larry Clinton, we fear the name itself has jumped the shark. So we’re going to try our best to avoid mentioning it, for sanity’s sake.

Keeping that in mind, who is the man behind the unmentionable character? Most of you know it is Sacha Baron Cohen, Cambridge grad and personality behind Ali G. But what we didn’t realize about him is how intensely private he is. So private, in fact, that a profile of the real man in the upcoming Newsweek clocks in at a measly 650 words. Still, it offers some intriguing information. For example:

  • Sasha is a religious Jew who keeps Kosher and observes the Sabbath. (Note to self: Do not stalk/text him Friday evening to Saturday sundown.)
  • He rarely to never gives interviews as himself. (Though we did find a couple of clips proving otherwise.)
  • He is hot.
  • He went to Cambridge.
  • But seriously, he’s gorge.

See? That wasn’t so hard. We didn’t mention “The Name That Shouldn’t Be Mentioned” once!

ICYMI: Stranger Than Phantom

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At some point before or after Britney Spears’ carefully designed publicity stunt unexpected drop-in, Will Ferrell appeared on Letterman and, as usual, didn’t forget to bring the funny. Here’s his rendition of a classic number from Phantom of the Opera.

(via ONTD)

The Office Brings a Little SexyBack

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Let’s make it easy: This is simply the best Office mash-up video we’ve ever seen. A music video for Justin Timberlake‘s SexyBack featuring the entire cast of the show, but specifically Steve Carell‘s dance moves. And we don’t even like this song, but it’s growing on us.

Seriously – how great was that? (via Office Tally)