There is just so much completely f’ed up stuff about this ABC News piece on a “Jesus Camp” where kids speak in tongues, pray to end abortion and worship a picture of George W. Bush, I can’t even bring myself to make a joke about it. Yet another reason why Civilization Is Doomed.
Tonight, London’s classy Royal Albert Hall will play host to the Music Of Black Origin Awards (“Mobos”), a ceremony that will feature guests such as Beyonce and Coolio (side note: Coolio, we miss you.) But instead of serving up a gourmet three-course meal, as any attendant would naturally expect, organizers are instead serving a poultry meal made of of Â£3.95 chicken wings and Krispy Kreme donuts. And, realizing that Beyonce is a lady of the highest fast-food order, planners are having Popeye’s Fried Chicken flown in from the U.S., as a polite reminder of what disgusting fat pigs we Americans are. (Also, we feel for the Popeye’s courier assigned to this mission.)
Our initial reaction to this news was surprise… it’s almost so offensive as to be ironic. Much like our good friend Morty Shandelback, whose Bar Mitzvah buffet had a special table where you could grind your own gefilte fish (M&M topping optional.) So, fried chicken at the Mobos is an attempt at irony… right?
It’s not everyday we read something on the internet that makes us pump our fist and blurt out an audible “yeah!” Well, that just happened. According to Product Shop NYC, the folks from the Stella mailing list have just announced that The State will finally be coming to iTunes.
After ten years of popular demand, The State is available again! The first season of the critically acclaimed 1993-95 MTV Series will be released on iTunes Music Store, starting Tuesday, September 26th. Depending on how many people download, MTV will release subsequent seasons, and then eventually, hopefully, a DVD.
Can’t wait. For those of you out there who are too young to remember The State, imagine Stella + Wet Hot American Summer + Reno 911 starring the funny guy from I Love The 80′s and BWE’s own David Wain. Get your video iPods ready now.
Rule #1: Don’t give your baby a high-five to the face.
Pictured: Gwyneth “Munchausen’s By” Paltrow and Moses “Baby Without a Face” Martin.
Why anyone would ever question this guy’s total p*ssy-loving manliness is beyond me. Check out this clip from the Macho-Man’s appearance on Good Morning America’s love letter to him, and hear all about Clay’s pill-enhanced heterosexuality straight from the horse’s Paxil-loving mouth:
You know, as much crap as The Rolling Stones get for being 3,000 year old mystical mummified corpses, we have to hand it to them: They still know the definition of rock star. (Sideward glancing at you, Paul McCartney.) So much so that Keith Richards is finally giving up drugs… not because they’ve effed him up so much that he’s falling out of trees left and right, but rather because these newfangled drugs on the market aren’t as strong or good as they used to be. That’s right: The quality is not up to brain-liquifying par. In fact, after his famous coconut-plucking tumble a few months ago, Richards admits to asking for extra morphine in the hospital, as his dosage wasn’t kicking in.
Well, uh-hellooooo. Making out with Keith Richards would be like licking an 8 1/2 by 11 tab of LSD. The guy is seriously walking in his own matrix of questionable reality, that reality being a living haunted house decoration. But giving up drugs entirely? We scoff. You’re in the Rolling-f**king-Stones, Keithy. Aaaaand you’ve got a hilariously drug-and-accident-addled barbituary to live up to. Now get to it!
In the interest of full disclosure, I should begin by saying I was once a big Weird Al fan. When I was 12 I listened to his albums, loved UHF and memorized every word to every Weird Al song. Even his original material. Of course, as I grew up and began listening to “real” music, I was embarrassed by my Weird Al past. As recently as a year ago -neigh- a month ago, any mention of owning Off The Deep End would’ve humiliated me and totally cancelled out the fact that I also own the Arcade Fire’s Funeral. Al was nothing more than a reminder of my awkward pre-teen years, just like my old retainer and Hypercolor T-shirts. But then something happened…
On Monday, fellow BWE.tv writer/hipster (have you seen the guy?) Alex declared that Al was in the midst of a late-career renaissance a la Bob Dylan. That was the first time I realized maybe it was okay, cool even, to dig Al. Then yesterday the brand new music blog Idolator posted a video for Al’s polka-medley, “Polkarama”. I would’ve never thought I’d see Al on a site trying to build up some cred, but there he was. Then today, Stereogum followed suit.
So now I have to ask the question: Has liking Weird Al Yankovic actually become… COOL??? Watch the video for “Polkarama” by clicking below, then give me an answer. Because I need to know whether or not it’s time to dust off my copy of Dare To Be Stupid.
How do you build buzz for an upcoming movie that is already being hailed as the funniest of the year? Give away 10,000 tickets for an “exclusive” screening of said movie. This is the tactic being used by Black Carpet Screenings, marketers for the upcoming Sasha Baron Cohen masterpiece Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, aka “The Borat Movie”. The idea: Invite all 95,369 of your friends to 25 “exclusive” screenings around the globe, armed with only a printout of their Myspace page as a ticket. Throw into the mix that Borat himself will be at one of the screenings. The result? We’re guessing Natural Born Killers-style violence, eyeballs plucked, backs-of-knees kicked, full-blown chaos. Have the police been alerted? We’re not even kidding. We once drop-kicked someone in the face to see an “exclusive” Goo Goo Dolls concert at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. (Totes worth it.) Tonight’s worldwide screening is going to be complete madness!
So, you can either risk getting accidentally taken from behind by some loolee loolee during tonight’s screening, or wait like a lady until November, when you can catch an 11am matinee with the other members of your Mah Jong club.
X17Online just “pulled a TMZ” on usually cool cucumber Justin Timberlake, poking and prodding he and girlfriend Cameron Diaz until JT lashed out like a cornered lion protecting his pride. Have paparazzi learned nothing from the untimely death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin? How many times will they continue to approach these vicious beasts before someone ends up getting themselves hurt so badly that a Woodly Harrelson choking seems gentle by comparison? Be sure to check out X17′s Wildlife Video of this terrifying encounter!
- A plastic bag has been spotted floating near a shuttle in outer space, thus completely blowing the minds of stoned college kids who think American Beauty* and 2001 are, like, so deep man.
- While visiting boyfried Pete Doherty in rehab last week, Kate Moss reportedly “got it on” with him in the public garden, proving once again that these two are the Romeo and Juliet of drug-addled enablers. Oh bag of blow, bag of blow – wherefore art thou bag of blow?
- Jessica Simpson says shooting her movie Employee of the Month “got her through a tough time”. Yes, nothing brightens the days of bitter divorce quite like Dane Cook doing cartwheels while holding his crotch and making fart noises.
- You know what else healed the wounds of Jessica’s broken matrimony? F*cking some Jackass whose entire life’s work consists of binge drinking, lighting himself on fire and letting crabs dangle from his tongue.
- To mark the 15th anniversary of Nirvana’s landmark album Nevermind, Courtney Love busts out one of her old classics, “Still Shamelessly Exploiting My Dead Genius Husband For Personal Attention After All These Years”.
*Seriously, it’s a f*cking bag.