Uncle Sam Wants You To Believe That the War Is Over, Iraq Is Safe, and Enlisting Is a Good Idea

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douche - unclesam.jpgAnyone with a brain and access to news media knows that Fallujah isn’t exactly a utopian paradise right now, but there’s still something pretty f*cked up about United States military recruiting officers lying to kids about the current situation in Iraq in order to get them to enlist. For a country that was able to muster so much moral outrage over an off-hand joke by John Kerry (or, as I like to call him, Hasbeen McDoesn’tmatter) about the importance of getting a good education in order to avoid getting shot at by Shiites, you’d think video footage of the milarity blantantly trying to trick kids into joining up might raise an eyebrow or two million. How is it that we’ve gone from brave men and women volunteering to fight for what is right and just, to some undereducated douchebag trying to bait-and-switch teenagers into buying a one-way ticket to Baghdad? It’s depressing that we have to say this, but we have no choice but to name our own Uncle Sam as today’s Daily Douche.

BWE CONTEST: What’s the Deal With the Free Comedy Tickets?!?

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One of the great things about New York is all the wonderful places at which you can pay to sit in a room and watch another person attempt to make you laugh while standing up. Our friends over at Comix, Manhattan’s newest premiere comedy club, have offered to give away a VIP pass that will admit two people to any and all shows at the club this week. And they picked a good one, as David Cross, Janeane Garofalo, Zach Galifianakis, Maria Bamford, Andy Kindler, Eugene Mirman, The Whitest Kids You Know and some dude named Christian Finnegan are all performing at the club in the next few days. You could have yourself a marathon of hilarity! For more information on how to enter and win, visit this info page or simply send an email to kcrews@comixny.com. The winner will be notified by 5pm tomorrow (Tuesday). Good luck – and no heckling!

LISTEN UP: Know Your Hip-Hop

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  • As Idolator (and anyone else who watches The Wire) already knows, being unaware of Young Leek and his song “Jiggle It” is not only unwise – it’s deadly.
  • Unless he wants Will Smith to go upside his head, The Game had better quit talking so much sh*t about Jada over at Notes From a Different Kitchen.
  • Aquarium Drunkard’s plethora of outtakes from The Rolling Stones’ Exile On Main St. sessions most definitely gets my rocks off.
  • MOKB unabashedly loves Shout Out Out Out Out, so head on over and clap your hands out loud yeah yeah yeah OK Go!
  • According to Muzzle of Bees, the band known as Beach House has made the perfect winter record. Though my favorite winter record will always be “Entrance/Edgar Winter’s White Trash”.

ICYMI: Operation Enduring Occupation

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Something felt familiar about last night’s “Treehouse of Horror” Halloween special on The Simpsons. If there’s one thing you think about as you head to the polls tomorrow, let it be this lesson, which Kang and Kodos just learned the hard way.

ICYMI: Fox News Channels Pat O’Brien

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There is something refreshing about bloopers in the new millenium: Those responsible immediately realize their fate as YouTube fodder. Take, for example, the following clip of Fox News anchor Jane Skinner getting a little tongue tied over Afghanistan’s “Top Cop,” to which Shepard Smith response “See you on YouTube, Jane!” Appropriate that such a flub would take place on Skinnerville, which sounds more like a popular chain for circumcisions/burritos than a news program. But hey: At least O’Reilly gets a shout out. (Audio borderline NSFW)

(Video via TVSquad)

L.A. to New York in Under 4 Minutes

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Cinematician Michel Gondry and his brother Oliver had an unsurprisingly innovative idea for the French band Laquer‘s 2003 music video: Drive from L.A. to New York, filming the entire journey with time lapse photography. If you’re sitting in a dark depressing cubicle right now, this will probably be the highlight of your day. (Click on white space below to play!)

(Video via College Humor)

Mario Lopez Is Like The Wind

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dirty dancing.jpgA.C. Slater has come a long way. First he was Bayside’s star wrestler, next he wowed audiences by Dancing with the Stars, and now reports indicate that he’ll be replacing Patrick Swayze in a remake of your older sister’s favorite movie:

Producers of the new ‘Dirty Dancing’ movie have finally found the man whom they think will be perfect for Patrick Swayze’s role.

According to inside reports, TV actor Mario Lopez managed to impress the film’s producers with his cha-cha moves as a contestant on TV show ‘Dancing with the Stars’.

Apparently they’re looking for a lesser-known actress to take on the female lead. Hmm. A lesser known actress. I bet Jennifer Grey is available.

To read about the remake, click here. And for an artist’s rendition of what the movie will probably look like, click below.
Read more…

CAPTION THIS: The Hilton Effect

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Caption This! brought to you by Stranger Than Fiction, in theaters November 10th.

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Surprising absolutely no one, Paris Hilton breeds a new STD that transforms men into zombies. It was only a matter of time.

What’s really going on in this pic of Paris frenching Travis Barker? Leave your captions in the comments now! (pic via Egotastic)