Britney Spears: Mother Of The Year

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Have you ever stumbled upon an old photo album and discovered old pictures of your parents when they were kids? It’s always a bit strange, seeing how they dressed, looked, and acted when they were your age, isn’t it? It makes you realize that even though they’re older and they come from a different generation, maybe you’re not all that different after all. Right?

Well, on that note, I pray that Sean Preston and Jayden James never come to that realization. Because if they’re flipping through an old photo album in 25 years and they come upon photos of Mama Britney’s ill-advised striptease at 40 Deuce and think “Wow, we’re just like our mama!” then we didn’t do our job as a society. We should probably get these pictures over to child services sooner rather than later… because I don’t want to see Jayden stripping down to his birthday suit in 2032. It’s not too late, people. It’s not too late.

For more Britney Spears: Mother Of The Year photos, click here.

LOHANVOLUTION: A Very Adequite Xmas!

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Friends and followers of the Lohanvolution! As you’re settling down for your long winter’s naps, Our Dear Lindsay has prepared for us this heartwarming holiday video about Christmas in her own home. Pour yourselves a tall glass of Egg Nog & crushed up Xanax, roast a doobie over the open fire, and call your white Christmas dealers – it’s time for a Lohan Holiday!

BEST SHOWDOWN EVER: Rosie v. Trump

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Why, is it Christmas morning? Because we here at BWE feel as if God has delivered the most amazing gift ever: a genuine throw-down between two of the fattest heads in the universe, Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump!!! It all began yesterday on The View, when Rosie launched into her typical morning rant chiding Trump for allowing Miss USA to keep her crown, even though the underage beauty queen had been drinking and snorting her way through the New York club scene. She called Trump a “snake-oil salesman”, accused him of being an adulterer, announced that Trump had actually gone bankrupt, and threw in a little “Miss America Can Kick Miss USA’s Ass” in for good measure.

Without ruining this, please, we beg, check out Trump’s response on Entertainment Tonight (In a nutshell, it’s 2 minutes of fat jokes and threats to kidnap Rosie’s girlfriend, but please… just relax and watch):

(Video via Defamer)

Fat pockets indeed. Well, it didn’t take long for Rosie to leave a response on her blog, copying and pasting a Wikipedia entry documenting Donald’s financial woes, and tacking on a tidy little haiku at the end:

i will let u know if the donald sues me
or if kelli leaves me for one of his pals

We hate to say it… no seriously, it hurts us… but are we taking Rosie’s side? Trump is such an a**hole! But hell, we love the bastard. This is going to be a-soo much funnn!

While You Were Realizing You Should Probably Start Your Holiday Shopping

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  • Donald Trump is threatening to sue Rosie O’Donnell after she discussed his finances and called him a “snake-oil salesman” on The View yesterday. Trump found that offensive, though he admitted that if he was a snake-oil salesman he’d be the “biggest and best snake-oil salesman in the entire world.”
  • A Canadian stripper has dropped her defamation lawsuit against Matt LeBlanc. And to make things fair, LeBlanc dropped her an extra $20.
  • Jessica Simpson conducts her relationships over the phone in an effort to protect her boyfriends from the paparazzi. So they get the good Jessica Simpson conversation, without all the Jessica Simpson touching and physical contact? What a great deal!
  • Before his first rehab stint Ozzy Osbourne was under the impression that the Betty Ford Center would teach him how to drink better, not force him to quit. No joke here; just wanted to remind you that Ozzy Osbourne is AWESOME.
  • Danny DeVito says it’s good to start drinking early on Christmas morning. Of course, he later added that it’s good to live every day like it’s Christmas, so take that as you may.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, December 20th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, December 20th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night TV, including: The Real World Denver, Mythbusters [holiday edition], Psychic Detectives, and the two hour clip show of Next Top Model: British Invasion!

…Of The Day

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  • JESUS FREAK: Sylvester Stallone is saying that the script for Rocky Balboa was inspired by the teachings of Jesus. Like turning the other cheek. (SF Gate)
  • SLOPPY SECONDS: Britney Spears’ friendship with Paris Hilton is rumored to have cooled because the pop princess was involved with one of Paris’ exes? Though in Brit’s defense, is there anyone who ISN’T one of Paris’ exes? (The Scoop)
  • SERIAL DIVORCEE: Eminem’s latest divorce from Kim Mathers has been finalized, making the rapper the only person in the world who has been divorced more than they’ve been married. (E! Online)
  • TERROR ALERT: In these uncertain times, we can never be too cautious of the threat of terrorists. Therefore, the TSA is now requiring all babies be X-rayed at security checkpoints. (CBS News)
  • REASON IT’S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP: A convicted pimp has made an educational video warning teen girls about the dangers of prostitution. The biggest danger is not bringin’ enough of that money back to yo’ pimp. (AZ Star)

The 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006, #8: The 10 Best Movie Cliches of The Year

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10best22.JPGIt’s only the third day of our 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006, but we’ve already tackled two of the biggest issues yet: The Top 10 Celebrity Body Parts of the year and the Top 10 Reasons to Hate Singing & Dancing in 2006. Today we’re shifting our attention to the big screen and counting down the 10 Best Movie Cliches of the year. If it was in theaters at some point during the past 12 months, chances are it’s on this list. Not The Lake House, though. We missed that one.

mov - departed.jpg10. ‘The’ Movies are the new ‘The’ Bands
Way back in 2001 everybody was talking about the influx of ‘The’ bands that came popping out of the woodwork. The Strokes, The White Stripes, The Hives and The Vines ushered in a new wave of music that people were excited about (for approximately 9-15 months.) This year, we were treated to a whole new batch of The ______s in theaters. The Illusionist, The Marine, The Queen, The Guardian, The Sentinal, The Benchwarmers, and The Departed were just a few. Let’s hope that this trend disappears faster than those “Get Free” guys.

9. Sequels that nobody everybody’s been waiting for!
mov - instinct.jpgEvery year we’re blessed with a bunch of sequels that are guaranteed to a) make a lot of money and b) be terrible. In 2006, though, they added another item to the list: c) make sure it’s a sequel to a franchise that should’ve died years ago. How else could you explain Basic Instinct II? Why else would Sylvester Stallone release Rocky VI? Did anybody else really expect a Van Wilder 2 nearly four years after the original? Hey, we even had Superman Return. What’s left? I’m shocked there wasn’t a Short Circuit III. Maybe next year.

8. Talking animals, people. Talking! Animals!
Over The Hedge: talking rodents. Happy Feet: talking penguins. Barnyard: talking farm animals. Ant Bully: talking ants. Sadly, most of the dialogue spoken by animated animals in 2006 was probably better than most of the dialogue spoken by actual people. Writers in Hollywood might want to get on that.

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ICYMI: Timberlake’s Comedic Beginnings

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Justin Timberlake‘s success on SNL last weekend left a lot of people wondering just how the adorable singer got so funny? Well, look no further than Youtube, which offers many clips of a pre-pube Timby on the Mickey Mouse Club, alongside such future-skanks as Christina Aguilera and Britney Spears (who is incredibly adept at comedic timing, considering she is about 11 and the show is written by chimps in jail.) It’s fun to watch Justin and Brit interact, knowing that in just a handful of years, the two would find themselves in the midst of a seriously awkward teenage sexathon. This is the kid who ends up singing “D**k in a Box” you guys… He’s the original Hip Hop Kid!

BONUS VID! After the jump, a pre-teen Ryan Gosling in drag! We always forget he was around those kids.

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UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: We <3 Funeral Hilarity!

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There is SO MUCH to love and loathe about this clip taken from today’s All My Children: Let’s kick it off with a little Natalie Merchant, add in a splash of funeral comedy, sprinkle a dash of homo-erotic “brotherly love”, and cap it all off with a Josh Duhamel lookalike doing his best Ben Affleck impersonation (i.e. man-blubber). We haven’t shed this many crocodile tears since November Rain came out.