Best of the Best Week Ever: Dirty Sanchezed

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  • Rosie O’Donnell tries Cocaine (after we did, yo) on The View and ends up launching snot rockets all over the stage.
  • Jared Leto soldiers on with his campaign of retardation by dressing like a gay ninja and continuing to allow words to spill from his mouth.
  • Little Superstar continues freakishly dancing his way up our spinal cord, through our our cortex and into our hearts.
  • Dustin Diamond (aka “Screech“) may or may not have recorded a freakish sex tape from which we may or may not learn some pretty sweet bonin’ moves.
  • Is there any hope for Hollywood Hipster Love? Not if Zach Braff has anything to do with it!
  • The Coreys are making their triumphant return to primetime television (well, A&E at least) and we’re Blown Away by our excitement.
  • In one moment of stage-frightened red carpet urination, Steve-O managed to shatter our very last shred of hope for the future of humanity. Then he farted and punched himself in the face.

Shuffling Towards the Weekend!

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Our guest this week, Mindy Raf, is a NYC comedienne who has made a name for herself as a regular contributor to CollegeHumor, a popular touring stand-up, the proprietor ofshuffle1.jpg a funny blog, and a featured actress on the celebrated Post Show online sketch comedy program. She’s also rather chesty. Anyway, we had her shuffle her iPod and share with us the first five resulting tracks. Judge her, ridicule her, then do your own shuffle and leave the results in the comments!

1. “I want to love you in my room”, Irving
2. “Boxing”, Ben Fold’s Five
3. “Barrier Reef”, Old 97′s
4. “Baby”, Rufus Wainwright
5. “O what a beautiful dream”, Elf Power

Esquire Mag Rewards Eating with Photo Shoot

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Esquire Magazine really steps out on a limb in their upcoming October issue, naming Scarlett Johanssen the “Sexiest Woman Alive.” The undeniably beautiful Scarlett tends to draw a lot of attention in Hollywood because she is the only one brave enough to eat 2 meals a day (it’s a wonder, given L.A.’s values, they don’t refer to her as plus-sized.) In the issue, she is portrayed as an “enigmatic trailer-park temptress,” sporting a “cleavage-baring black lingerie paired with an open white robe, among other get-ups.” (“Get-ups”? Like this?) Well, guessing from the screenshot grabbed from Google News above, her cleavage is all you really need to see to figure out that it’s her… so it seems Esquire hit this buxom nail right on its curvaceous head.

UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Billy Bob Photoshops

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Rather than allow some idiot (me) pick who submitted the best Billy Bob Board Of Scoundrels Photoshop entry, we’re going to let you, the readers, choose. Click below to vote Upgrade/Downgrade for these 10 photoshop submissions. We’ll see which one is the most popular, then on Monday give out a prize. So vote now!

When you’re done voting, head on over to Paul’s blog. It’s an educational read; how else would you know that 17 people committed suicide by hanging during production? Or that the entire film takes place in a mentally challenged child’s Snowglobe? You wouldn’t. You definitely wouldn’t.

The Office: Ain’t No Party Like A Scranton Party

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OFFICEJIMMICHAEl.JPGFor those of you obsessed with the Jim and Pam (“Jam” or “Pim”) romance on The Office, take a few minutes of your afternoon to get overcome with rage. Because it doesn’t look like the most adorable coupling on television is going to happen for a while. Yesterday’s episode, The Convention, reunited our favorite on-screen threesome, Michael, Dwight and Jim, for the first time this season, and thank God! We missed the usual bantering. But how many episodes are we going to have to suffer through until Jim and Pam realize they’re MFEO? Anyway, we always enjoy when the show goes offsite, as it’s refreshing to see Michael in his “fun jeans” and swaggy MS Office Hawaiian shirt, desperate to be part of an “inside” joke. (Sorrow!) But something about this season just feels so… different. More… depressing? We can’t put our finger on it. Thankfully, it’s still the funniest show on tv — even if it continues to just barely beat out Til Death in the ratings. Thoughts on the episode?

As a reminder, check out the deleted scenes on NBC.com… if only to witness Jan acting like a creepy MILF.

According To Jim, David Cross Is a Jerkface

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Our comedy-crazed buddy over at The Apiary did some hard-hitting journalistic investigation to get to the bottom of the long-existent (though rarely understood) celebrity feud between Jim “Big Brother’s Shadow” Belushi and beloved alternahipsterindiecomic David Cross. We’ll leave the in-depth explanation of this bitter rivalry to The Apiary, but we simply must share with you this clip of Cross getting tossed from the stage for simply wanting to “rock out” a little during one of The Belush’s more mind-crushing Blues Brothers 2000 harmonica solos.

BWE Sneak Preview: Bill Parcells’ Needs a T.O.

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Take a sneak peak at a clip from tonight’s brand new episode of Best Week Ever, which sheds some additional light onto the mystery of Terrell Owens‘ suicide attempt… could it be soda related? And don’t forget to watch Best Week Ever tonight at 11 pm ET!