It’s time to raise the terror alert to the hot pink “Celebrity Danger” level, because according to this report, our beloved Brangelina is in danger of being attacked by al-Qaeda! In what might be the terrorist organization’s most brazen move since September 11th, the threat to the well-being of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is so significant that they’ve been put on “Y category security” (whatever that means) by the government of India, where Angelina is currently shooting the film A Mighty Heart. Once the crippling terror wears off, we’re left wondering how President Bush will retaliate to this obscene attack on everything this country holds dear. We need to be tough, none of this pus*y-ass “invading and demolishing a country that had nothing to do with it” stuff – it’s time to nuke India, people. We must take a firm stance and tell these heathen cowards once and for all – you can terrorize our people, but not our famous people!
[Spoiler Alert (I think)] On last night’s episode of Lost Juliet did her best Weird Al Yankovic as Michael Hutchence as Bob Dylan impression in order to… you know, I’m not going to say anything, I know how crazy you Lost fans get.
As a guy who doesn’t regularly watch Lost but does love a good Dylan homage, I have to ask the question: Who owns this move? If you click below you can watch 3 incarnations of it, including the original “Subterranean Homesick Blues”. Which one is your favorite: Bob, Mike, or Weird? [pic via Idolator]
We’ve got to hand it to Vanity Fair: They’ve got serious chram. The magazine scrapped its original plan to put Borat on their December cover, instead opting for a near-nude photo of Brad Pitt standing in an alley wearing boxer shorts, parading the picture on the cover of their Art Issue. (We would categorize it as “God’s Fantastic Glory Issue”, but let’s continue.) Turns out the photo was a still taken from a short video directed by portrait artist Robert Wilson, a photo Pitt never authorized for Vanity Fair‘s usage. While we add Graydon Carter to our Christmas list as a thank you, you can actually see the entire short video here in high definition. It’s borderline Brokeback 2, but we’ll deal with that.
The above wisdom was doled out by — who else — Law & Order SVU crime victim Elisabeth Hasselbeck. On yesterday’s airing of The View, “Shouldn’t It Be Wo-Menopause”-Comedienne Joy Behar and “I Wipe Myself” Co-Host Hasselbeck came to blows over the comments made by John Kerry regarding improving one’s education to avoid serving in Iraq. Watch for yourself, and take sides in the comments section. (Oh yeah. We’re getting political.)
Nothing pleases us more than being on The Price Is Right beat, so we’d like to pass on the guy Page Six is rumoring to be Bob Barker’s replacement: One meteorologist Dave Price. (Price? Get it? He’s definitely more talented than Cleveland’s most famous traffic reporter, John DePreisis.) We’ve always has a mini-crush on Dave from back in his Fox Weatherman days, even though he looks almost exactly like Arvid from Head of the Class. But choosing a replacement already? For shame CBS! We’re still reeling from the news of Barker’s departure! We would also like to note that, if this picture is any indication, spaying and/or neuturing is the last thing on Mr. Price’s mind. Seriously, if Bob were dead (God forbid, spit three times), he’d be rolling over in his lucite coffin.
On the left, 2006 Latin Recording Academy Person of The Year, aka Ricky Martin. On the right, a Cockatiel. Apparently, when people ask “What ever happened to Ricky Martin?” the answer is “Oh, Ricky? He’s been getting haircuts from the blind for the past 5 or so years.” Then again, take the word “cockatiel”, change the “iel” to an “ease”, and you pretty much have Ricky Martin summed up in a overly-lotioned nutshell.
Our buddy Zach Kahn guest stars in a lot of movies. Unfortunately, most of his cameos get cut out. Check out his newest deleted scene from the movie Saw. I’m not sure why they left this on the cutting room floor (pun completely intended).
Usually, a headline such as the one above would indicate that “rocker”-cum-toothless-hobo Pete Doherty had finally flown too close to the heroin-addled sun and overdosed on drugs. This morning, however, is an exception. As it seems Pete Doherty was rushed to the ER after getting fiance Kate Moss‘s engagement ring stuck on his finger. In an article that reads straight out of the Perfect Strangers handbook, Doherty shoved Kate’s ring on as a goof and quickly realized it wasn’t coming off. This is simple science: When your girlfriend’s hand looks like a reanimated limb from the Grim Reaper himself, ideally you wouldn’t want to put the Cheerio-sized metal loop on your own finger.
Luckily, expert staff at the Princess Grace Hospital were able to use enough Crisco to clip the thing off (the very definition of foreshadowing, if you ask us). We’re not big fans of Doherty, but if he keeps up slapstick antics like this, we’ll have no choice but to love the horribly b.o.’d googly-eyed stard. We hope he accepts our congratulations for his second non-drug related hospital visit in his lifetime. (The first being his birth.)
- According to People, Katie Holmes and Brooke Shields are new best friends. Aww, it’s nice to see a good brainwashing bring two people together like that.
- Madonna has devised a genius marketing method for her new children’s book: “Read it or I’ll adopt you!”
- And this year’s award for best celebrity Halloween costume has to go to Britney Spears for her bold “barely incognito and somewhat bloated spouse of douchebag rapper” ensemble.
- Flavor Flav has successfully produced his seventh offspring. Too bad it wasn’t with his current Flavor of Love sweetheart, because Deelishis Flavor would have been an excellent name.
- Is McDreamy a McWifebeater? You decide!
It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, November 1st! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Lost, The Rich List and 30 Rock!