It’s Friday afternoon and another couple days of drowning our celebrity-induced pain in booze is just around the corner, which means it’s time for another edition of our beloved Friday feature, Shuffling Towards the Weekend! As usual, our special guest has shuffled their iPod and will share the first five resulting songs – being completely honest – so what we might judge their sonic worthiness. This week we’re joined by our good buddy Nate, who is the proprietor of the popular comedy blog The Apiary. We hung out with him last night at some splashy comedy club’s “grand opening gala” (where, by the way, we learned first-hand that Kathy Griffin is somehow even scarier-looking in person than she is on TV), and thought he’d be just the type of sucker whose musical tastes would be easily made fun of. Examine and judge his resulting songs, then post your own in the comments!
“Tinfoil”, Rainer Maria
“Pink Chimneys”, Promise Ring
“What Whorse You Wrote Id on”, Owls
“I’m Content With Losing”, UnderOath
“Another the Letter”, Wire
Announcers swearing on live television is nothing new. However, much like our favorite weatherman, it never gets old. Gorillamask linked this video today, of Minnesota Twins announcer Bert Blyleven dropping not 1, but 2 F-bombs during a Twins game last week. But don’t worry about Bert– he’ll be fine. After all, this is the same guy who asked Ace Young if he got lucky with Paula Abdul a couple of years ago. The guy is a Hall of Famer in my book.
Our favorite Hollywood actor, Matt Damon, made a rare and highly-anticipated appearance on Jimmy Kimmel‘s ABC Primetime Special this week. And, well, Damon really loses his cool, and curses out a most deserving Kimmel. Now, the question is, real or staged? We’re calling staged, as Damon is famous for being one of the nicest guys in the biz. But damn if he also isn’t the best actor. And also so handsome. And smart. Successful, caring… Decide for yourself while we go smoke a cigg and ruminate.
What could Pamela Anderson’s vagina possibly have said to disgust her so? “I’ve seen a lot a d*ckheads in my day, but did you really have to marry this latest one?” The possibilities here are endless.
So maybe you heard, but there was this guy who hunted crocodile’s all over the world, and was killed tragically by a stingray’s tail to the heart. We are of course referring to one of the more famous lunatics in modern history, Steve Irwin. Well, now his eight-year-old daughter, Bindi, wants to continue his legacy and go swimming with stingrays on her very own tv show, Jungle Girl. Stingrays!
No, no, no, no, this is all wrong! Has lil’ Bindi never seen Batman or Spiderman? You don’t immediately sidle up next to the very creature that killed your Dad without some serious ass-kicking! Really, Bindi, listen. The answer isn’t to show the world how awesome stingrays are. You should be joining those other maniacs on the beach and kicking the living waste out of the bastards! Eat stingrays for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Turn one into a paira’ sting-shoes! Not strap a saddle onto one to show the world how tame it is. Sigh. Hopefully your little brother will grow up with the kind of rage that puts the super in hero.
If you’re a fan of donating to causes (and our budget means we save our donations for serious gutwrenchers, see also, Katrina), but also love spending a community-college-tuition on bags, then have we got the perfect situation for you! A slew of starlets have donated some of their used designer bags for Seventeen Magazine‘s “Hot Bags Cool Cause” Ebay Fundraiser for various cancer organizations. Seems straightforward enough, but we couldn’t help but notice that the calibur of bags donated directly relates to how famous the person is. So whereas Reese Witherspoon donated Prada and Selma Blair went with last season’s Marc Jacobs, D-listers Ashley Tisdale parted with a tattered mini-Coach bag and Avril Lavigne‘s doesn’t even have a brand, just her autograph. We love that the always classy Angelica Huston went with Chanel. Then again, who are we to judge? The only bag we could possibly donate from our personal collection would be this hobo’s bindle we found under a man sleeping on our doorstep. Go and bid!
And speaking of bags, did Lindsay Lohan lie about her Birkin being stolen at Heathrow last week? Blabbermouth radio DJ Wendy Williams thinks so. Not that Ms. Williams can really be trusted with anything, but if Lohan lied, we will feel really hurt. Those Birkins can cure, like, 10 people of cancer.
Winona Ryder naked! It’s about time.
Winona stripped down for a good cause (skin cancer awareness; not to give you a boner) and Egotastic has the pictures. Thanks to Winona, now we’re aware. Not as aware as, say, Johnny, Dave, Matt, Val, Pete, Connor, Ryan, Evan, Jimmy, Beck, Daniel, Chris, Adam, Dave G., Rhett and Christian. But aware.
Once again, Sacha Baron Cohen has proven that he’s funnier than just about everybody else on the planet. Check out Borat’s MySpace page to learn all about your favorite Kazakh reporter. What will you learn? Well, you’ll learn all about his goals (“It my ambition one day to eat a delicious hamborger!”), his family (“I have 3 sons [Bilak , Biram , Hooeylewis ] and I have 17 grandchildrens. Hooeylewis is my most favourite son, Bilak is my least favourite son”), who he’d like to meet (“like meet nice men, as friend – no sexytime”) and so much more.
You should add him as a friend right now. Assuming you’re not Jewish, I bet he’ll accept! Jagshemash!
Here’s the artwork for the must-have-album of the fall (if you’re a complete and total idiot, that is). Playing With Fire “drops” next month, but K-Fed’s folks have leaked the symbolism-drenched album cover early to start building up the intrigue.
The cover, which was clearly made by Sean Preston on his My First Photoshop program, features Kevin glaring at the camera and holding a deck of cards in a dark and empty room. His tie is loose, his cigarette is burning, and it almost looks like a member of CTU will walk in and interrogate him any second. “Why’d you do this?!? Why are you rapping?!? Stop it NOW!” I can hear Jack Bauer yelling it now.
When you look closer you’ll notice that K-Fed is wearing a ring (but not a wedding ring) and -oh yeah- his beverage is on FIRE. I’m not sure if he’s playing with it, but I guess he was talked out of re-naming it Drinking With Fire. Damn.
Well, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. So with any luck, this picture means the album will only be three tracks long. But only if we’re lucky. If we’re really, really lucky.
As Lewis Carroll once said “Joyous Day, Callooh, Callay!” The Project Runway collections are out! (It goes without saying, if you don’t want to see the collections until the season finale, do NOT read this post. You are a better person than we are.) The fashion shows kicked off this morning at 9 am in New York, and there were some major surprises in these collections. So what are we waiting for? To the designer slaughterhouse!!
After the jump, exclusive photos from each of the four remaining designers’ collections — along with brilliant commentary, obvs. So who will win? Will it be Uli, Jeffrey, Laura, or Michael? Let’s start the betting!