ICYMI: Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time

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Jarvis Cocker, the lead singer of Pulp, does his best Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride impression in his new video, “Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time.” His version has a much higher body count, though. Check it out now– it’s the best video of the year that doesn’t involve treadmills and dancing white guys.

Link via Stereogum

SMELL LIKE YOUR FAVORITE CELEB!

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NICOLEKIDMAN.JPGBack in the good ol’ days (read: 1997), the fragrance business and Hollywood were limited to two words: Elizabeth Taylor. But now, the trend to smell like your favorite celebrity is stinking up Macy’s aisles everywhere. Supermodel Kate Moss has just inked her own plans for a scent, and stars like Sarah Jessica Parker and Britney Spears proudly shill their own stink. Even when their names aren’t on their label, many actresses star in ads for designer fragrances: Gwyneth Paltrow looking so fresh and so clean in various Estee Lauder ads, Nicole Kidman coming back from the dead for Chanel, Charlize Theron in her Too Hot for TV Dior perfume ads…

It’s all very confusing. Would we rather smell like Kate Moss at the end of a sweaty foodless drug binge? Or Elizabeth Taylor’s reanimated corpse? DECISIONS. Also, this trend worries us… how much longer until Walgreens is stocking Steve Buscemi‘s Musk? Can any of you vouch for a celebrity scent? Let us know.

After the jump, Bonus Charlize!!

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While You Were Counting Down The Days Hours Until Your Holiday Break

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  • Eminem and Kim Mathers were officially divorced for a second time yesterday. They were so excited they celebrated by immediately getting re-married.
  • Martha Stewart says she ended her brief relatiionship with Anthony Hopkins because she couldn’t separate him from the terrifyingly evil character he played. Coincidentally, Hopkins had the same problem with her.
  • Paris Hilton was the most searched person on Google News in 2006. Though sadly, every single “Paris Hilton + disappeared?” query came up with 0 results.
  • Pamela Anderson has confirmed that Kid Rock was not happy about her appearance in Borat. He was a much, much bigger fan of the racist frat boys.
  • Hilary Duff and ex-boyfriend Joel Madden have dropped their restraining order against their 18-year-old stalker. The stalker immediately filed his own restraining order against Joel, insisting that now he’s the desperate and lonely one.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, December 19th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, December 19th! Lang Fisher is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Identity, My Boys, Dirty Jobs, I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown and the never ending wedding on Big Day!

…Of The Day

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  • CELEBRITY PSA: Listen, Christina Aguilera – if you’re going to get wasted and have yourself photographed stumbling around outside of clubs, you’re supposed to be wearing a short skirt and no panties. Got it? (Yeeeah!)
  • GIFT IDEA: Mel Gibson says his highly-publicized anti-Semitic meltdown was actually a “gift” to himself. Sounds a whole lot more fun than a dreidel. (US Weekly)
  • OTHER GIFT IDEA: In this painfully idiotic video, Britney Spears says she’s giving everyone a bottle of her new perfume, which smells like yeast and skin irritation. (YouTube)
  • HOLIDAY BEVERAGE: When Britney heard about “champagne & coke” in Hollywood party circles, she seems to have misunderstood the “coke” part. (MTV UK)
  • SERIOUSLY, IT’S OVER: Joey Fatone, who you probably don’t remember as “Creepy Old Guy in N’SYNC“, says he would like to join the cast of Dancing With the Stars. He might has the dancing part down, but the “star” thing? Not so much. (E! Online)

EXCLUSIVE: Miss USA Press Conference, Unedited!

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By now you’ve probably heard that Donald Trump, in all his eminence, has granted a reprieve to the young coke slut whose Miss USA crown was jeopardized by numerous reports of her partying, drug use and brazen sexual escapades. You might even have seen her tearful apology and subsequent press conference. But here at BWE.tv, we ask the HARD-HITTING questions, and are proud to bring you this special UNEDITED clip from my exclusive Q & A with Tara Conners, the troubled young lady who retained the right to represent America’s women.

The 10 Best 10 Best Lists of 2006, #9: The 10 Best Reasons To Hate Singing & Dancing In 2006

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10best21.JPGYesterday we counted down the 10 Best Celebrity Body Parts of 2006; today we’re going to take a step away from the superficial and base our list on something other than perky nipples and chiseled abs: talent. Or, in the case of the 10 Best Reasons To Hate Singing & Dancing in 2006, lack of talent. Let’s get started.

10. Tom Cruise gets down on BET
He was the world’s best pilot in Top Gun. The best bartender in Cocktail. The best samurai in The Last Samurai and the best secret agent in Mission Impossible. But all of that pales in comparison to his portrayal of the world’s best awkward white guy dancing on BET.

9. K-Fed Plays With Fire, destroys our eardrums
If someone releases a terrible album and nobody listens to it, was it ever released at all? The answer is yes, and believe it or not thousands of people actually went out and bought Kevin Federline’s debut one and only album. Presumably, half of these people purchased it as a joke, and the other half as a test of endurance.

8. Bob Dylan’s music gets the musical treatment
How does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone? We have no idea, but we’d imagine it feels better than having to watch this painful clip from The View over and over and over again. The Times They Are A-Changin rolled off Broadway faster than you could say “Blowin’ In The Wind.” Or just “That blew.”

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UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: The Black Harvey Fierstein?

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Every time we hear this commercial (read: 4.800 times a day), we literally drop what it is we’re doing (working, Nintendo Wii-ing, sipping boiling hot tea) to slowly turn our chairs around and stare at the TV, sure that the grim reaper is coming for us Poltergeist-stizz. Then we realize it’s just a commercial for some product called Head On (we still don’t know what it’s for, p.s.), and that their “spokesman” is a robot from Planet Xorton. Enjoy!

CAPTION THIS! Hold The Coco

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I’m not sure why Ice-T’s wife Coco got breast implants on her ass… but I think it’s working.

Your turn. Leave your Captions in the Comments now! (and for more ridiculous Coco shots, click here)