BWE: Name That Ass!

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ass.jpgWhich sexy starlet was photographed walking away from the camera in hot black heels, tight skinny jeans and a form-fitting grey top?

Is it Kate Moss? Ellen Pompeo? Paris Hilton?

That ass definitely looks familiar, doesn’t it? Take a guess who’s it is, then click below to find out if you’re right!

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CELEBRITY TRANSLATOR: The Mel-o-Drama

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When one of America’s most beloved movie stars gets ripped on tequila, drives like Mad Max through Malibu and delivers an outrageous speech on why Jews are ruining the world, all culminating in one of the most public DUI arrests in history, the only way to try and make sense of the tragedy is on the welcoming airwaves of national morning news shows. Mel Gibson’s wild-eyed, semi-apologetic rambling interview with Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America is so full of crazy talk that we had no choice but to use our patented Celebrity Translator to figure out what he’s saying, and try to decide whether we have the Christ-like capacity to forgive him.

While You Were Chasing Your DUI With A Few Cold Ones

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  • Hilary Duff has filed court documents claiming that she is in “mortal danger” at the hands of two stalkers. Aww don’t worry, Hills – I’m sure your boyfriend Mr. Brass Knucks Necklace Edgy Punk Rocker Tough Guy will protect you!
  • Jennifer Aniston went on Oprah to deny reports that she has split from boyfriend Vince Vaughn, once again pulling the football away at the last possible second, sending us flying into the air and back to the ground like the naive fools we are.
  • Tara Reid’s latest movie is being released direct-to-download on the Internet. But in her defense, we’ve heard great things about Screeched, and we really can’t wait to see what she’s done with the role of Defiled Poop Moustachioed Bukkake Whore #2.
  • The brave police officer who got a drunken Mad Mel off the streets of Melibu is now under investigation for leaking the official arrest report. But I don’t think it was so much “a leak” as it was an attempt to get the truth out on why all the world’s wars keep happening.
  • RIP Hyde Nightclub (2006-2006). Cause of death: Kato Kaelin being granted entrance. That guy is the Orange Juice Simpson of trendy LA nightclubs.

…OF THE DAY

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  • HONK IF YOU HATE: Mel Gibson‘s bumper sticker, according to Joan Rivers, reads “My Other Car Is A Gas Chamber.” God, we love that bitch. (Celebrity Week)
  • RELATED STORY: Mel Gibson as a crucified pope? Oh, that is too much. (Heavy via Defamer)
  • SOFT-CORE PIC: Ever wished you could see a handsome, cut Paul Rudd reclining on a bed with some weird sheet-diaper hiding his junk? You’re welcome. (Faded Youth)
  • BRAZILIANT IDEA: Does the carpet match the curtains? Not unless your curtains are hot pink. Confused? Let us explain. Pubic dye. That’s better. (Radar Online)
  • GUILTY PLEASURE: The upcoming Jon Lovitz television show, Bad Judge, might have the most geeny-davis plot ever: “The cases are real. The decision is final. The judge is nuts.” There is still hope left for Hollywood, people. (TVgasm)

BORAT: Stereophonic Musical Listenings That Have Been Origin in Moving Film

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BORAT CD2.JPGMost of you know Borat, have seen his sketches, have banged his sister (“best prostitute in village.) But we bet you never realized the impact that Kazakhstani music makes along with Borat’s hard-hitting reporter skills. The movie’s soundtrack features songs like “Grooming Pubis” and the hit Central Asian ballad “Siki, Siki Baba” by Kocani Orkestar. It is so refreshing to finally see a soundtrack that doesn’t include a Snow Patrol song, ain’t it?

1. Chaje Shukarije – Esma Redzepova
2. Born To Be Wild – Fanfare Ciocarlia
3. Gypsy’s Kolo
4. Siki, Siki Baba – Kocani Orkestar
5. Gypsy’s Kolo – Jony Iliev & Band
6. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 2
7. Eu Vin Acasa Cu Drag – Stefan de la Barbulesti
8. In my country there is problem (Throw the Jew Down the Well) – Borat & Anthony Hines
9. Grooming Pubis – Erran Baron Cohen
10. Magic Mamaliga – O.M.F.O.
11. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 3
12. Money Boney – O.M.F.O.
13. You Be My Wife (featurings Belinda Bedekovi?)
14. Ederlezi – Goran Bregovic
15. Truck Have Die
16. Mahalageasca (Bucovina Dub) – Mahala Rai Banda vs. Shantel
17. Dialoguing excerpt from moviefilm 5
18. O Kazakhstan – Erran Baron Cohen

THE DAILY DOUCHE: Hug THIS Out, Bitch

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entouragesmall.jpgWhen Entourage debuted on HBO, I thought it was pretty funny (particualy Ari), so I looked past the fact that it was a cynical attempt to apply the successful Sex and the City “female fantasy” paradigm (fabulous friends, flashy lifestyles, plenty of sex partners) to men, switching out celebrities for socialites, while still hoping to capture that coveted 18-34 demographic. But now that the Ari-yelling-at-people schtick has gotten a little stale, and the show’s idea of character development consists entirely of Vince buying “the boys” some dumb vehicular toy prior to drowning them in bimbos, I’ve sorta checked out. So when I read the news that series creator Doug Ellin has just gotten the greenlight for a new show described as “a mature version of Entourage set on Wall Street” my douche-o-meter went on extreme overload. Yes, how interesting it would be to see the daily lives of soulless meat-head millionaires as they try to overcome challenges such as “where to work out?”, “who to fight next?”, and “what ridiculously generic striped shirt should I wear on this date with someone who I will probably rape later?” Sounds to me like must-see-douchebaggery, which is why Doug Ellin gets our greenlight as today’s Daily Douche!

ICYMI: Crack-O-Lanterns On Martha

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When we got to work this morning, bleary-eyed and hardly awake, we flipped on Martha expecting to enjoy the typically tranquil sounds of her passive-aggressive monotony, but were horrified to discover the unwelcome presence of drug-abusing-multi-sexual comedian Andy Dick, clearly on about the fourth sleepless morning of his latest bender, tossing out wildly inappropriate sexual innuendos (using his last name – how novel!) while trying to teach Martha how to carve a pumpkin into a crackhead. I thought I was having an acid flashback, then realized I was actually watching Martha Stewart trying to pull a decorated pumpkin off Dick’s head.

BWE Presents: Zach Braff’s Apocalypto

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We’ve all seen the trailer for Mel Gibson‘s Apocalypto, and we’re not quite sold on it. We think it would have been a lot better off if it had that famous Zach Braff touch… like this.

LISTEN UP: This Is Hardcore

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  • A song off Camera Obscura’s new album will be featured on Grey’s Anatomy tonight. Skatterbrain has the mp3 posted right now… you know, just in case you need to prepare yourself emotionally.
  • Snakes On A Blog has pretty darn good songs today, including tracks by Karen O, Thom Yorke, Loose Fur and more.
  • Instrumental Analysis is celebrating yet another Throwback Thursday with a bunch of tracks from The Psychadelic Furs.
  • Berkeley Place runs through the alphabet, offering up a ton of tracks by Snow Patrol and The Reindeer Section.
  • And finally, Fluxblog has a brand new track by Jarvis Cocker, as well as a couple of songs by the Basement Jaxx. Enjoy.