SAD NEWS BEARERS: John Mayer Takes the Fun Out of Everything!

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MAYER.JPGOne of the highlights of The Office Christmas Episode 2006 was Steve Carell‘s heartfelt and lovelorn version of the epic song “Your Body is a Wonderland.” It’s the perfect sappy, middle school, dough-faced song to embody a character as clueless as Dunder Mifflin boss Michael Scott. Well, it turns out singer John “Robin Williams” Mayer is totally in on the joke — when asked for permission to the song rights, he declined, thinking they would make fun of him. When producer B.J. Novak explained that, yes, they were going to, but in a cleverer way than most, Mayer agreed under one condition: He Wants a Dundie.

And a Dundie he received, for being the “Tallest Music Dude.” (Though, judging by this picture, we would have given it to him for “Being in Johnny Depp-esque Mode”) Well, it’s not actually any FUN to make fun of John Mayer if he kind of knows that his music sucks! Also, we are very jealous. You can read about his decision on his blog, and feel free to come to his defense musically in the comments section. We’ll keep an open mind for a full 24 hours, so get to it. (Link via TVTattle)

LISTEN UP: Pitchfork Releases List Of The Top 100 Songs Of 2006 You Must Like If You Want To Be Cool

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  • The staff of Pitchfork has put together their latest “Top 100 Tracks of the Year” list, which you will now download and listen to repeatedly lest you find yourself being brow-beated by the rock snobs at your local indie record store.
  • I Guess I’m Floating posts their not nearly as long, not nearly as cool list of the 25 Best Songs of 2006.
  • You can find my own pretentious Best 5 Albums of the Year list over at Scenestars.
  • If you’re looking for a Pitchfork Antidote, head over to The Late Greats, where you will find decidedly uncool tunes from the Love, Actually Soundtrack.
  • MOKB stuffs your stockings with a few bonus remix tracks from Editors.
  • And because we just can’t get enough of the Best Of lists, Rewritable Content has their list of the 10 Best Albums of 2006.

ICYMI: England’s “Kelly Clarkson” Actually Sucks

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We were really excited to check out the latest winner of X Factor (England’s American Idol) Leona Lewis, who has been called “England’s Kelly Clarkson, Minus the Dad Issues.” Notorious curmudgeon Simon Cowell absolutely adores her, most likely because he’s second only to Michael Douglas in the “Following Your C**k Around” Department… but even still, we were genuinely excited to hear her cover Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This.” And, well, we’ve put up both videos for your comparison… Kelly’s version and our reaction after the jump.

Read more…

ICYMI: Gays Of Our Lives

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Attention Soap Opera aficianados – America’s beloved idol of masculinity Clay Aiken is scheduled to appear as himself on an upcoming episode of Days of Our Lives. Check out the special “Behind the Scenes” clip below and watch Clay show off his acting chops in a steamy scene in which a man with an eyepatch tries to give the Idol “a ride home” after his show. You’ll have to wait for the actual episode for the tinkling piano music and the dramatic dolly into a close-up of a nearby vase of flowers.

Time Really Needs to Sell Magazines, Ya’ll!

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Congratulations, you guys, we finally did it! We slacked off our jobs, spent literally billions of collective hours f**king around on the net, and our combined manpower became too much for Time Magazine to ignore. So much so, that they named “You” — look in the mirror, fatty, YOU! — their “Person of the Year.” Why? Because, according to the issue, “You” control the digital information age. Well, that… and they, like, really need to sell magazines to idiots stupid enough to believe they’re actually the “Person of the Year.” (The cover will be mirrored, so that you can watch yourself call up your ex-wife and break the big news to her.) Who knew that hours and hours of masturbating to internet porn would lead to such an honor, ya’ll???

*Our condolences to runner-up Kim Jong Il. Hope this cheers you up!!!

PROPPED: Unironically Remembering The Crocodile Hunter With A “Crocodile Rock” Tribute

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When we saw that gpwrite dropped a “YouTube Video Gift for Crocodile Hunter’s family” we didn’t know what to expect. The last thing we wanted to watch was another lame joke-y Steve Irwin parody. Well, this video from Reading Brisbaine isn’t a joke at all; it’s a serious, serious tribute. And of course that makes it 1,000 times funnier than anything else we’ve seen. Get ready to Crocodile Rock & Roll.

*Wiping a tear away* That was beautiful. Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

LOHANVOLITION: Update From HQ!

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lohanvolutionSMALL.jpgAttention friends and followers of the Lohanvolution! Our Dear Lindsay has once again taken time out of her busy life to send us the very latest news from the front lines of the battle against “those people”, once again releasing her missive via the Page Six press department:

An e-mail she sent to pals last week has the subject title: “They’re all whores, they’re all whores . . . xcept for some obviously!” Lohan wrote in the note, “So . . . 3 hours of pole dancing and bruised. everywhere . . . I mean we’re talkin’ like, UPPER AND INNER THIGH ACTION-bruised . . . like a walking black-and-blue mark.

“I mean really though, really, I didn’t know it was actually possible to have bruises in such areas of the body. Strippers dude, I tell you, I really respect the [c-word]s now. . . I’m not gonna lie to ya.”

[…]

Lohan may also move back to New York in a bid to get away from “the toxic L.A. scene with all those toxic people.” Sadly, Lohan seems to be as addicted to those “toxic” people – including her “frenemy” Paris Hilton – as she is to parties. She was out Thursday night partying once again with Hilton, whom she alternately swears she hates and loves.

Okay, so to summarize, a) each and every one of us should go out of our ways to let a stripper know how much we appreciate their hard work in showing their junk off, and b) Paris Hilton should be taken off the “Enemies of the Lohanvolution” list and added to the “Al Gore Committee of Supporters” at once. Stand-by for further instruction.

2006: The Year Of Mashing S**t Up

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So we didn’t colonize the moon in 2006. We didn’t find a cure for the common cold, we didn’t stop global warming, and we didn’t invent the damn hoverboard we’ve all been waiting for since Back To The Future II. That’s all okay. Because in 2006 we did one very important thing: We mastered the movie trailer mash-up. From The Shining to 10 Things I Hate About Commandments to Brokeback to The Future, a lot of s**t got mashed up this year. GIANT Magazine counted down the top 10– check it out here. We included our personal #1 below.

Link via Gorillamask

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Happy Happy Holidays

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happyness.jpg1. It seems that Will Smith was able to tug on moviegoers’ heartstrings with his “hard-luck determined dad” character, despite not even being able to f*cking spell – $27 million

2. I wonder how many illiterate people went to see this movie mistakenly thinking it was the fourth installment of the Lord of the Rings trilogy – $23.4 million

3. Could Some Pig be the new penguins? – $12 million

4. This movie makes me wish the polar ice caps would hurry up and melt already – $8.5 million

5. It’s funny how Hollywood is sort of like a bad alcoholic dad in that they can toss up a little mistletoe, put on a Santa cap and try to make you think things are all “Christmasy” – $8.2 million