ICYMI: Clay Drops By The Office

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Last night’s episode of The Office touched on a very sensitive issue: coming out of the closet. Since we were too busy obsessing over Jim & Pam, though, we totally missed this scene.

Looks Like Someone Drank Too Much Cocaine

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LOHANLINDS.JPGThis whole “In a Can” business seems to have just cancelled itself out. A few days ago, we were introduced to “Cocaine in a Can“, a new drink that promised to deliver the same sort of hyperactive tooth-grindingly paranoid results as the real powdered stuff. And it looks like Lindsay Lohan may have drank herself into bit of a “Cocaine in a Can” addiction, as she was seen trolling around LA yesterday with its canned antidote: Rehab in a Can. If only “Underwear in a Can” or “Normail Childhood Upbringing in a Can” existed, eh? Ah, but life ain’t that simple.

We also want to point out that even with a “sprained” wrist, Lindsay can still manage to juggle a can o’hab, lighter, and her beloved Blackberry without even wincing. Doctors in the house, is that even possible?

The Office: We Are All Homo… Sapiens

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MICHAELSCOTT.JPGThe longest 3 months of our lives are finally over, as The Office finally had its big premiere last night. And so many questions were answered! Jim changing offices, Pam cancelling the wedding, Roy‘s “Nick Nolte” mugshot, Phyllis engaged to Bob Vance… many bases covered. The episode, entitled “Gay Witch Hunt”, revolved around Oscar being outed as a homosexual by Michael to the entire staff. We don’t remember the last time we’ve so openly winced at a primetime sit-com; Angela‘s constant hand sanitizing made us want to gut ourselves. And poor Jim! His new officemates seem to have zero redeeming qualities (perhaps too close to our own depressing office experiences to enjoy). While we thought the “other” big kiss at the end was going a leeeetle too far, Steve Carell as per usual sold it so hilariously, we were dying laughing. Things are different with Jim gone!

NBC.com has a very satisfying deleted scenes reel that sheds some light onto Michael’s love life. We wish these scenes would have made it into last night’s episode — “body pillows” are just funnier than “jello calculators.” It’s science.

Next week sounds amazing: “Michael organizes a party in his hotel room when he, Dwight and Jan attend a convention in Philadelphia.” What were your favorite scenes last night? Satisfied with the kick-off?

BWE: Guess The Breasts

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Another Hollywood babe was spotted roaming the streets sans-bra this week. The question is, who was it? Tara Reid? Fergie? Carmen Electra? Rachel Ray? Who do these breasts belong to? Take a guess, then click below to find out!

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DAILY HASSLE: Even The Hoff F’s Up

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Okay, the title of this post is misleading– The Hoff never f**ks up. However, back in the 80′s, a young David Hasselhoff had his fair share of blunders on the set of Knight Rider. Gorillamask stumbled upon this blooper reel (with NSFW audio) that you have to see. Because come on, you’ve always wondered what it would be like if KITT offered to go down on The Hoff, haven’t you?

While You Were Loving The Office

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  • Jessica Simpson is planning to open a chain of “Daisy Duke” themed restaurants, in which scantily clad waitresses will serve scantily brained men scantily flavored food (how novel). The waitresses will also engage in degrading sex acts with the jackass stoner dishwashers who light themselves on fire for fun.
  • TMZ caught Lindsay Lohan on the streets of Hollywood, having an impromptu rehearsal for her upcoming role in Karate Kid 5: Firecrotch Kicks Back.
  • I now present the most profound statement Paris Hilton has ever made: “I’m not like that smart”. That sh*t could bend spoons.
  • Lou Diamond Phillips was charged with Domestic Battery after an August incident in which he allegedly “pushed and dragged” his girlfriend across the house. Guess someone shouldn’t have gotten so mouthy about their real opinion of Stand and Deliver.
  • What Would Jesus Drive? Probably a pimped-out U-haul covered in “graffiti art” and promo ads for Stephen Baldwin’s new book.

…OF THE DAY

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  • OLD MOUNTIN’: Did old flames George Clooney and Renee Zellweger hook up at a wedding last weekend? It’s amazing what 11 martinis, an Air Supply cover band and an annulled wedding to a possy-gay can do for love, people. (Mollygood)
  • SCREEN DEGAUSSING: There’s one thing this picture tells us about Stephen Baldwin: His vision is 15/15. Cause of all the carrots. He is eating. (Cityrag)
  • SHAL-WHO IS THAT?: OMG! Check out that Emmy-thieving Shalhoub dude from Monk sneakin’ a peek at Anne Hathaway‘s rack! Wait… Excuse me for a second… Sorry, what? That’s… that’s not the guy from Monk? Stanley Tucci? Oh, who cares about that creep? (Celebitchy)
  • SCHIZO: Beyonce Knowles claims to have an alternate personality named “Sasha“, whom she transforms into to boost her own self-confidence. “Sasha”, it should be noted, is a one-legged, one-eyed carpetbagger who rides a handcar from town to town, summoning attention by clanging together a coupla bean cans and playing the bamboo recorder that her pappy gave her. (The Superficial)
  • COUP-COUP-CAH-CRAY-CRAY: Now we learn the real reason there was a coup in Thailand: To prevent the filming of yet another not-even-hilarious-just-bad Nicolas Cage movie. (Assoc. Press)