Wealth of Hilarity: Celebrities as King

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ELIJAH.JPGEvery year during Mardi Gras in New Orleans, the Krewe of Bacchus puts on a lavish parade involving elaborate floats and desperate topless girls on the verge of having their lives ruined. But little did we realize that each year, the Krewe dubs one celebrity as Bacchus himself, dressing said person up in a fancy ornate costume fit for a really gay king. And, yes, a photo gallery of these celebrities exists. Each year is worth checking out, but our personal faves are Larry King, Steve Guttenberg, Ron Howard (+ bonus Fonz) and Jean-Claude Van Damme. You can view the rest of the gallery here.

If you can spot the trend, they tend to go with male celebrities who have some sort of humorous edge to them (Can you say John Laroquette? Us neither.) The 2007 Bacchus title is still up for grabs, so we put it to you: Who do you nominate as Bacchus for next year? We’ll kick things off with our nominee: Christopher Walken. Discuss.

TRAILER: Mr. Woodcock Meets Mrs. Obvioustitle

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If MTOD doesn’t mean anything to you, congratulations: You actually have a life. For the rest of us, you immediately recognized this acronym as Movie Trailers On Demand, a channel available through some cable providers that lets you watch movie trailers from your own home, without having to bother going to the theater and actually interacting with people (Purell ain’t cheap, folks, especially when you have to bathe in it). It is thanks to MTOD that we caught the following trailer, Mr. Woodcock, starring Billy Bob Thornton and the adorable Sean William Scott, an incredibly underrated comedic performer (perhaps because of some bad career moves.) Based on the following 2:29 minute trailer, Mr. Woodcock looks pretty effing funny… so we’re keeping our fingers crossed and our bootlegger on speeddial.

ICYMI: God Evans

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I have seen God and, unsurprisingly, He bears a striking resemblance to legendary movie producer/cocaine abuser Robert Evans. Captured here on video visiting Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher (a lot of ego on set that day!) to deliver His latest Revelations, such as Osama Bin Laden is the “Islamic Jan-Michael Vincent” (you know, 9/11 DID seem like a bad episode of Airwolf!), God Evans once again proves himself to be a legendary showbiz storyteller, this time dropping a few juicy nuggets of gossipy gospel about Lara Flynn Boyle, P. Diddy and, of course, Jimmy Caan. (Language a little NSFW)

SIMI-LEBRITIES: Dennis Quaid and a Loaf of Meat

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For so many years, Meatloaf was a man literally encased in layers of meat, waddling around the globe while crooning that while he’d do almost anything for love, he won’t dress up like Little Bo Peep and put his staff where the sun doesn’t shine. But since shedding a considerable amount of weight a few years ago, his naturally average features are finally coming to the surface. Which is maybe why we never noticed that Meatloaf (pictured above at a concert in London last night) kind of looks like Dennis Quaid. Now, we know what you’re wondering… “Who cares about Meatloaf and Dennis Quaid?” I’ll tell ya who. Meatloaf, that’s who. And if we can bring even a small ray of sunshine to the man who gave us by far the best karaoke song of all time, then it shall be done. As far as Denny Q goes, sorry buddy. I’ll stop pestering you about the $10 you owe me for my Day After Tomorrow ticket.

Kiss My Black Orphaned Ass You Old Whore

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whore.jpgEverybody’s weighing in on Madonna’s decision to follow in Brangelina’s footsteps and adopt an African baby. Everybody but the child, that is. Until now. Apparently he’s written something for The Phat Phree:

Oh great. I’ve been adopted by an old white whore! Just what I’ve always wanted: a mom who’s seen more d**k than the inside of a truck stop urinal. This sucks. I wish my old mom was alive. Sure she was poor, but at least when she kissed me her lips didn’t taste like Warren Beatty’s c**k. Or is that Jose Canseco? Sean Penn? Or maybe it’s just some random bi-sexual backup dancer? S**t.

The kid’s got spunk. I like him. [Read the rest of it here]

While You Were Feeling Fabolous

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  • Britney Spears is looking into adopting an African baby now that her idol, Madonna, has. Now if only somebody could talk Madonna into jumping off a bridge… 2 birds with one stone.
  • Madonna says her new adopted baby, David, is “just the best little baby ever.” Rocco & Lourdes, meanwhile, have begun their inevitable search for a good therapist.
  • Rapper Fabolous was shot in the leg early Tuesday morning. He’s in stoble condotion.
  • Rod Stewart said Paris Hilton would have been on the top of his list if she was around when he was a little bit younger. It’s assumed he means his list of “People Who May Have Given Me That Uncomfortable Rash, You-Know-Where.”
  • The U.S. population officially hit the 300 million mark at 7:46 a.m. today. So thank you Kevin Federline– we couldn’t have done it without you.

Best Night Ever: Monday, October 16th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, October 16th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including How I Met Your Mother, Two and A Half Men and The New Adventures of Old Christine!

…OF THE DAY

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  • PERMANENT VACATION: Lindsay Lohan thinks it might be time to take a vacation from the vacation that is her life. (The Scoop)
  • ANIMANIAC: Donald Trump continues his domination of the lucrative Masturbatory Self-Exploitation market, this time diversifying “The Donald” brand into an animated series. Now he’ll be a cartoon both figuratively and literally. (TV Squad)
  • SWEDISH ‘MEATBALLS’: Okay, so it was Norway, but you know the 22 year-old college girl who showed up to the late-night with Bill Murray was crowned Queen of the Party. (CNN)
  • CASTING OUTRAGE: With all the controversey sorrouning Borat, Sascha Baron Cohen’s addition to the cast of Sweeney Todd is sure to draw protest from the Serial Killing Barber/Baker community. (Production Weekly)
  • SPELL CHECK: I’m partially responsible for several of “Yahoo’s top 20 most misspelled web searches”, but was surpised that “cristina agulera noodz” didn’t make the list. (Pop Candy)

THE DAILY DOUCHE: Dirty Hippie-ocrite

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aviator.jpgI generally like Leonardo DiCaprio as an actor, and I’m certainly a supporter of environmental awareness, but there is simply no denying the glaring douchitude of producing a bleeding-heart choir-preaching documentary about global warming while simultaneously jet-setting yourself and your friends all over the planet you’re trying to save in a fuel-guzzling private luxury plane that makes even the most jackassiest stretched-out Hummer look like a hippie’s peace-sign-covered Prius. This kind of guilty-about-my-privileged-life “limousine liberalism” gives regular people who genuinely care about the environment a bad name, and gives Bill O’Reilly a smug sense of satisfaction. So even though I loved you in The Departed, Leo, your blatant hypocrisy has earned you the honor of being today’s Daily Douche.

SHOW AND TELL: NEW FEATURE ALERT!!!

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Show and Tell is a new daily feature here at BWE, where we take the day’s most noteworthy and strange photographs, and put them in a spiffy and convenient digital player for your perusal, with our requisite snappy captions. Just click on the highly obvious yellow arrows to see the rest of the photos!