Best of the Best Week Ever: The Psycho-Award Show Edish

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vma.JPGThis week delivered hours upon hours of tedious award shows and its requisite coverage. Let’s recap:

Have a great Labor Day weekend everyone! Check in Monday for more of your favorite updates.

…OF THE DAY

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    INTERESTING POINT: “Isn’t it ironic that the OK Go video “Here It Goes Again” owes its success to You Tube, and their success really had nothing to do with MTV.” (A Socialite’s Life)
  • ENGAGEMENT: Lindsay Lohan and Harry Morton might engage… in hours upon hours of public unprotected sex, surely. (The Superficial)
  • ANCHORS THEY’RE JUST LIKE US: Ann Curry broke her nose going through a revolving door! Now we feel better about severing our left foot in that shoe polishing machine. (TMZ)
  • SURI NEWS: Vanity Fair has hired security guards to watch over the Suri Cruise photos, making sure they don’t leak to the press. Well, it’s a better gig than keeping an eye on Ryan Seacrest‘s miniatures collection. (Jossip)
  • RESEMBLANCE: We kind of hate this comparison of Paris Hilton and one of our favorite Looney Tunes characters, Lovelorn Chicken… now the bitch is ruining our fondest childhood memories? Fuh. (Cityrag)

Bling Kong: The Return

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Last night’s VMA’s wasn’t about the performances or the moonmen or the choreographed treadmill dancing (okay, it was a little bit about the choreographed treadmill dancing). Last night was all about one thing: The Bling. Check out this amazing video Gawker put together, then go out and buy yourself a brand new grill. Because you deserve it.

Joke of the Day! Knock Knock Stizz

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We had no idea what to expect with the following knock knock joke trilogy video… but what we did learn is that “the interrupting sloth” made us LOL and then look around uncomfortably. Even more than the classic “Orange you glad I didn’t say banana hammock?”

CELL PHONE PAPARAZZI: Praying For The Rapture

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Last night the good people at Virgin Mobile (who previously allowed us to bear witness to K-Fed’s penny panhandling) invited us to their big VMA After-Party at Gotham Hall, promising free booze and a performance by The Rapture. Armed with press passes, low-end cameras and our own lacking photography skills, this is all we managed to show for an entire evening of suffereing through the antics of the pseudo-famous and those who love them. Behold our cell phone’s photographic documentation of the misery you missed, then go to Gawker to see the same event through the lense of a photographer who didn’t spend the majority of the evening at the open bar, drowning their discomfort in free hooch.

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Thank god there was at least one relevant “real celebrity” on hand, otherwise the waiting around and general douchebaggery would have all been for nothing.

Read more…

NSFW Friday: Important Talk on Weeds

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Since it’s Friday and you’re probably getting fired today (what… you didn’t know? oh. this is awkward) why not go out with a bang? Yes, boxing up your stapler and a few post-its with your belongings is somewhat satisfying, but it’s not nearly enough. You should be spending your last day on the job surfing porn sites, sending nasty IM’s to those coworkers you never really liked, and watching videos like this one. The audio is totally NSFW, but what do you care? You’re so over this place anyway.

Have any ideas for what we should feature on the next NSFW Friday? Drop ‘em!

Jessica Simpson Wins Car, Inspires Thoughts of Suicide

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Simpson.JPGWhile we were busy panhandling for enough money to buy a single, crispy ramen noodle, Jessica Simpson was busy scouring the swag booths at the VMA Music Awards. Simpson picked out clothing and accessories she liked, including a stop at the Nessa Lee Style suite, where she strung along something other than a mildly retarded public: charm bracelets. Simpson chose a moon for rest and an apple for health — but, when learning that the dolphin (or tursiops truncatus) charm stood for intelligence, Simpson responded with a “Who needs that?” While 5 of our brain neurons thought that maaaybe she was being sarcastic, we then remembered that any girl low enough to shtup Dane Cook probably thinks sarcasm is an orgasm’s funny, quirky, younger brother.

Then, in a stinging slap to all of our egos, Jessica Simpson also won a car. Yes — a $50,000 Chrysler! (Equivalent to the price of a single, solid platinum hair extension.) Thankfully, Jess will now be able to drive herself store to store down Rodeo Drive — we just hope she’s able to clean out the junk in her trunk. Hey-O!

James Bonds With Dudes

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craig.jpgJames Bond fanatics have had a lot to complain about over the decision to name Daniel Craig the new Bond. For starters, he has blonde hair, and… um… he has blonde hair! Where the f**k does he get off???

Well, a few short months away from the release of Casino Royale, Mr. Craig has given them something else to get their panties up in a bunch over. An on-screnn kiss. With a dude.

Craig plays one of the men who brutally murdered a Kansas farm family in “Infamous,” which examines Truman Capote’s emotional journey into the minds of two killers that formed the core of his true-crime novel, “In Cold Blood.” An attachment grew between Capote and confessed killer Perry Smith during the long periods the author spent in Kansas teasing out their story, and in a pivotal moment, the two men kiss.

What an octo-pussy! The question is; if the producers wanted to make James Bond a blonde guy who kisses men, why didn’t they just go with the obvious choice?

ICYMI: Are You K-F*cking Kidding Me?

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As if last night’s VMAs didn’t provide us all with enough awesomeness to last a lifetime, K-Fed has decided that today would be an appropriate time to unleash his new music video, “Lose Control”, upon the world. It’s sort of like having a hangover and getting kicked in the head (less metaphorically for us), but whatevs – just embrace the suck, and let it wash all over you.

Baby Toupees Help with Month-Life Crisis

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babytoupee.JPGLook, it’s Friday. You’re hungover, you’re spent, you got 3 days now to recharge your battery before the reality of the life you created for yourself hits you come Tuesday. In the meantime, forget your worries away with a new website that proves that even though you truly hate yourself, babies will always be bald.

Babytoupee2.JPGBaby Toupee offers tiny, miniature wigs to cover up that embarassing post-natal problem of soft, exposed skull tissue. They offer various celebrity styles, so that your baby can start emulating Lil’ Kim from the time it’s daddy stopped calling you, or the Bob Marley style, which looks as though your baby poops right out of his hair follicles. There is much fun to be had here folks!