Justin Seay Enjoys “Gettin’ Drunk”, NASCAR & Racism!

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daily-douch---frat-dude.jpgMeet Justin Seay. This killer college dude-bro is best known for his star-making turn in the Borat movie, in which he gives a tour-de-force perfmance playing himself in a scene that consists of pouring cheap beer down his bloated throat, making matter-of-fact racist remarks about the “good old days of slavery”, and disrespecting women in ways that would make Howard Stern blush. Despite the fact that his dream of becoming the most unlikable human being on the face of the earth has been given a big boost by the box office success of Borat, Mr. Seay claims to now be suffering “humiliation, mental anguish, emotional and physical distress, los sof reputation, goodwill and good-standing in the community” on account of on-screen behavior. Now, I just can’t imagine why Mr. Seay, who so amazingly represents himself all on his own (nice shirt stain, Porky!), would be negatively affected by being featured as one of the very funniest parts of the funniest movie of the year. Furthermore, Seay wasn’t coaxed or tricked into behaving the way he did. He is the living, breathing, eating (lots of eating) embodiment of frat culture in this country (particularly the Southern region of this country), and his special kind of slack-jawed, mouth-breathing, unblinking and unbelievable ignorance is exactly why the rest of us have to deal with so much sh*tty sh*t like Girls Gone Wild, Triple Bacon Double Fried Pizza-Stuffed Cheeseburgers, retarded SUVs, Widespread Panic and America’s Next Top Loss of Dignity every time we turn on a f*cking television. This guy is the Daily Douche because he’s such a total douche literally every single day of his worthless little (okay, not so little) life.

Unemployment Check: Lez Mis with Rosie and Liz!

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LESMISPIC.JPGContinuing with our musical theater theme today… You might think that View co-hosts Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth “Don’t Mame Me” Hasselbeck are bitter enemies when the cameras shut off, but it appears the case is the opposite: When they’re not forced to butt heads about gay marriage and abortion, they’re two unevenly sized peas in a pod! So it was with great enthusiasm that they attended the opening night gala of Les Miserables (Lez Mis?), an event Rosie realized needed to be caught on camera for the show. Watch as the two Bff’s drunkenly slur along to “Castle In A Cloud” on the drive over, and marvel at how, when she’s not spewing factless hate, Hasselbeck seems almost charming.

Also, we are definitely buying tickets to this show… Donald Sutherland* as Jean Valjean? I feel my soul on fire, ya’ll.

*Or his spitting image?

Choose Or Lose: Pam Or Karen?

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jim pam.jpgNow that the midterm elections are over it’s time to start making some very serious decisions. Namely, who are you rooting for Jim from The Office to get with: Pam or Karen?

Lindsay Robertson and Claire Zulkey have chosen sides (Lindsay = Pam, Claire = Karen) and have posed arguments on each others’ blogs. They’ve even made T-shirts. We already know which one we’re ordering… Sorry Pam.

To read Claire’s pro-Karen piece, click here. For Lindsay’s pro-Pam, click here. And to see John Krasinski singing karaoke on Ellen (just because), click here.
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The Amazing Race: Cho Tactics Suck

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CHOBROS1.JPG(Wrap your face in tin foil if you don’t want to be spoiled.) It’s pretty much universally agreed that the Cho Brothers are great guys. Smart, sweet, respectful, cute: The Amazing Race is turning into a weekly personal ad for these guys. But their whole “let’s team up with the suckiest teams” tactic seems so backwards and self-defeating we can’t really figure out what the hell they’re thinking! The idea is that if they bring the worst teams to the final three, they’ll almost certainly win the $1 million cash prize. But the reality of it is that they end up running the race for three teams instead of just themselves – the Bama Sisters and David and Mary (eliminated last week). Last night’s episode was a classic, with teams running side-by-side to make it to the Philimination mat. Traversing through Finland, cycling limestone uphill (and how much do you you hate that smack-talking Rob, we ask you?), and a muddy obstacle course all made for fantastic TV.

And just when the episode is hitting its climax, just when you’re on the edge of your over-sized rattan throne, you realize that it’s 8:57 pm. Which is when Team Zoolander cracked the clue ordering them to “KEEP RACING!” If you haven’t caught the show this season, next week is a perfect pick-up episode: There’s nothing like an additional leg of the race when the teams are cranky and running out of steam! Unsurprisingly, it looks like the Bama Girls leave the Cho Brothers in the dust, a back-stabby move we could’ve called weeks ago.

Finally, we are psyched to learn that The Amazing Race has caught on globally! The Amazing Race Asia debuted last week, complete with their own version of beefcake Phil. You can watch the entire thing on Youtube — though it’s been broken up into 6 separate parts. It’s always nice to see the relationship between left-hand driving and a swift kick in the crotch.

LISTEN UP: Allow Him To Re-Introduce Himself

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  • The Tin Man Has It has it, alright. And by ‘it’ we mean the new Jay-Z album. Download the entire thing now before it’s too late and you have to pay for it like everybody else.
  • Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream is wrong when he calls the last two albums by The Strokes “s**t,” but he’s dead-on about Albert Hammond Jr.’s solo project: it’s fantastic. Head over there for two tracks.
  • Excited about the new Tenacious D movie? You’ll be even more excited after visiting Neiles Life and downloading 4 new songs.
  • If you secretly like listening to Fergie– or looking at Fergie– quietly head on over to The Late Greats. We won’t tell.
  • It’s sad that indie band names have become so ridiculous that I didn’t know whether these two tracks by Cookie Monster & Big Bird were by super-hipster indie artists or muppets. Thankfully, it’s the latter. Beware Of The Blog indeed.

ICYMI: Britney’s Divorce Lawyer on SNL

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Wow, our friends at SNL actually seem to be flirting with funny here in this sketch about the legal counsel Britney Spears has so clearly been receiving recently.

SIZZLER: James Blunt Spits In God’s Face

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JAMESPETRA.JPGIt is one thing when you are a petite, not necessarily attractive man born with the sort of nasal and high-pitched vocal chops most farinelli’s can only dream about. Well, not only does James Blunt, the man voted more annoying than heat rash, possess all of the above qualities… but he’s actually earning tons of money thanks to them. Even more shocking than his money-stuffed mattresses on are the women he beds on them, including his last girlfriend, model and tsunami-survivor Petra Nemcova. While reports of their break-up surfaced last month, the model claims that, even though she may have banged Russell Simmons, the pair are “very much in love.”

So it is with a heavy heart this morning when we read that James Blunt is being accused of cheating on Petra with some hotel lobby hussy named Jenna. James cheating on Petra! The guy wrote two popular songs (“You’re Beautiful” and the chart-topping “Hot Death-Drill in Your Earhole”) and now thinks he can gallavant with just about anyone. Look, Jamesy, for whatever reason, God chose you — a seemingly unremarkable man — to live the dream of so so many others. And you are taking that dream, unzipping your fly, and popping a squat all over it. So before the world burns your hang-dog face in effigy, think before you bang!

CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Borat Is Frat-tastic

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boratposter5.jpg1. Now that his movie is doing “Frat Pack” kind of business, will Borat be given his honorary diamond-encrusted beer helmet and Ben Stiller co-starring vehicle, or will he be black-balled on account of the recent legal action taken by the three frat kings he so hilariously ridiculed? – $29 million

2. Since these stupid movies seem to be such a sure thing at the box office, and since they seem to be getting increasingly ridiculous, should we start getting ourselves in gay spirits for Martin Short’s reprisal of his role as the fruity Ice Wizard in next year’s “The Santa Clause 4: Out of the Clauset” – $16.8 million

3. This movie is sort of awesome because it almost seems as if the Hollywood animators are actuallymocking us, all like, “Doopidy Doo, here’s a movie about crap being flushed down toilets and rats in sewers – poo poo pee pee!” – $16.7 million

4. Or, as I like to call it, “Funnier Than Anchorman” – $14.1 million

5. ***SPOILER ALERT*** This movie is f*cking retarded. ***END SPOILER ALERT*** – $6.6 million

SIZZLER: Hugo Chavez’s Hips Don’t Lie

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hugo.jpgJust because the President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, thinks that President Bush is the devil, it doesn’t mean that he’s all piss & vinegar. Everybody has a weakness. For Mr. Chavez, it’s a certain Columbian pop star whose breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains. From Yahoo News:

President Hugo Chavez welcomed Colombian pop singer Shakira to his country on Saturday and said he may go undercover to watch the hip-shaking superstar perform. “Shakira’s arrived. … Welcome, Shakira,” Chavez said during a televised speech. Chavez said that the other day he’d put on a wig and not even his bodyguards had been able to recognize him. “Maybe I’ll put on a wig and go see Shakira,” he quipped.

Putting on a wig to go see Shakira? Sounds like somebody is just begging to be Lanced.