We report this bit of news not because we care and/or believe that Michael Jackson is actually wedding his Nanny, moreso because it made us remember back to a few years ago when any news/publicity stunt related to Michael Jackson actually seemed relevant. When an engagement to Michael Jackson actually mattered and worked its way into our deepest nightmares. When he was drugging teens on airplanes and naming his children after inanimate objects (Blanket, Staircase and Mellonballer have really grown.)
Now, an engagement to Michael Jackson barely appears on our radars. Probably because the “King of Pop” is so broke both financially and mentally that even talking about the guy is like recommending a Goo Goo Dolls CD to someone. It’s the end of a gossip era, friends. So, please, pay your respects by reading this small blurb about his (probably made-up) nuptuals to 39-year-old nanny Grace Rwaramba, flashback to 1997, hotfoot it to your watercooler, and tell everyone.
1. For the third installment of this popular franchise about a sadistic killer who takes delight in torturing his victims, the filmmakers have employed a new technique called “Interactive Sadism” in which the audience suffers a far worse fate than any of the characters in the movie: actually having to watch the movie – $34.3 million
2. I wonder how many people other than myself are planning to dress up as Jack Nicholson In a Porno Theater With a Strap-On for Halloween this year – $9.8 million
3. “The Prestige” refers to the third and final stage in a magic trick. A semi-contemporary example would be David Copperfield’s dazzling display of marrying Claudia Schiffer – $9.6 million
4. Someone should make a sequel called “Flags of Thier Sons” that tells the heart-wrenching story of George W. Bush’s landing on an aircraft and heroically speaking in front of a “Mission Accomplished” banner prior to years of insurgence and disaster in Iraq – $6.4 million
5. Like a bad case of herpes, Hollywood’s latest “Animated Animals Who Talk” offering just won’t seem to go away – $6.1 million
I am not an emotional person. There have only been a handful of films which have caused me to cry: Benji (puppy scooped up in eagle’s talons), Terms of Endearment (cancer, shmanc-heaving-sobs), Rudy (hobbit carried off the field)… But last night’s episode of The Amazing Race had me a little weepy at the end. David and Mary, the Kentucky Coalminers, have gone against various stereotypes about “stupid” “inbred” “sister-loving” “obese” “uneducated” “confederate-loving” “contraceptive-avoiding” “cow-tipping” “high-school-football-loving” Southerners and proved to the world one thing: Hearts can be made out of gold. They are the kindest, sweetest couple, and even their gnarly-toothed scrapping with one another didn’t stop us from loving them. Which is why, when they were spared with a non-elimination round after coming in last yesterday, I resorted to my typical panic attack breathing as one golden tear streamed down my face: One more chance!
Here are some other things I’ve gathered from last night’s episode: Just because you went to Harvard does not mean you’re a geen, as evidenced by the Cho Brothers‘ backward plan to team up with the slowest players in order to take them to the top 3. Apparently, they made a wrong turn on the way to the Big Brother audition, and assume it’s the same strategy on every CBS reality show. Rob and Kimberly continue their quest to be renicknamed Ike and Tina. And last night marks the first time Ex-Druggie-Model-Boys managed to not bring up how they are ex-druggies turned models. Congratulations guys!
Thoughts on the episode? Any ideas as to what the “Intersection” next week means?
On Friday we begged you– pleaded with you– to avoid dressing up as The Crocodile Hunter this Halloween weekend. Not because it’s too soon (we don’t believe in “too soon.” we’re working on our Red Auerbach costume as we speak), but because it’s too hacky and cliched. Well, on Saturday night as we drunkenly stumbled from bar to bar in New York City dressed as Bob Ross (also dead), it appeared that America listened to our plea. There was nary a Hunter to be seen. You got the memo.
Well, apparently Bill Maher missed it. Celebs Are People Too directed us to this picture of an obviously intoxicated Maher from this weekend. If Terri Irwin was “devastated” by last week’s South Park parody, who knows what she’ll think about this. Besides “how very, very unoriginal.”
Okay listen, Jared Leto. I know we’ve been rough on you these past few days, what with our nasty posts about your hobbit harassment and blogger bashing. But we want you to know that, deep in our hearts, we really do love you. That’s why we’ve put together this reel of some of our absolute favorite Leto moments from over the years. Enjoy!
Finally, a site for people who think Tom from MySpace is too damn white to deal with.
Yesterday the New York Post directed us over to a brand new website from an 18-year-old New Jersey native titled Niggaspace. I’ll let him take it from here:
You definitely don’t have to be black to join! We just want to embrace the black culture that continues to innovate and strive!
So if you want to meet some chill people, create an account!
The owner of the site (who goes by the name of Tyrone) says “this is no way meant to be racist, my biggest intention is to change the connotation of the word.” So what are you waiting for? Sign up now! Because you have to love any social networking site that has “bootylicious” as a body type and random polls with questions like “where the white women at?”
It’s Best Night Ever for Sunday, October 29th! Michelle Collins is here to walk you through the best of Sunday night tv, including SNL, Amazing Race and Desperate Housewives!
What else happened this week? Well, turn into Best Week Ever tonight @11 and all weekend long to find out.
Here are some of today’s most memorable pictures. Click the orange “left and right” arrows to flip through them all.