THE DAILY DOUCHE: Gross-Out Cinema

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QTdouche.jpgThe most disgusting sentence, and accompanying mental image, we’ve seen all day has to come from this Page Six item, describing the puppy love between director Quentin Tarantino and his newfound paramour, “Hot Young Asian Woman”:

At the after-party at the Hollywood Roosevelt, the woman “tripped and fell flat on her face.” She later sucked Tarantino’s fingers while he ate sliders.

The word you’re looking for isn’t actually a word – it’s the sound of you hurling tiny hamburgers all over the keyboard in front of you. That’s why a certain Reservoir Horn-Dog is today’s Daily Douche.

CAPTION THIS! Mel-O-Drama

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“No, I’m glad we’re doing this too. Now, do you have any more questions SugarTits?”

Obviously we can’t wait for Mel Gibson’s interview with Diane Sawyer on ABC. What do you think he’s going to say? Leave your Captions in the Comments now!

ICYMI: Like Something Out of an Adorable Nightmare

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We’ve never been huge bunny people, not since our roommate in college brought one home, only to discover it was pregnant, and then to watch it give birth to a still litter. But we can’t deny that we crack up laughing every time we watch this Skittles Commercial, featuring an operatic singing bunny and a veeeeery familiar voiceover artist… oh, no, we just tasted the rainbow a little bit in our mouth.

With thanks to Bex Schwartz!

THE DAILY HASSLE: Hoffoween Hoffstumes!

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Devil.jpgSpeaking of Halloween Costumes, your friends here at BWE contributed our own idea to AOL’s annual list of Celebrity Halloween Costumes. And who else would we have suggested other than He who makes our lives Hoffish week in and week out here on this little blog of ours? It’s never too early to start planning your get-up for the big night, which is now only about 3 weeks away. Dracula, Wolfman, Frankenstein and the rest of The Monster Squad have been done a bajillion times (except for Scary German Guy, who’s always an excellent choice), so it might be time to think about dressing as something truly scary, like the Olsen Twins. So check out AOL’s site for our Hoffoween Hoffstume and some other truly monstrous suggestions.

More Like Hallo-Teen… Pregnancy

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AMERICANIDOLTODD.JPGHalloween is one of the most joyous times of the year for Pagans: It’s the one day slutty older women show their true colors, the one day plushophiles can fulfill their fetish outdoors, and a day when morbidly obese children can eat candy in the open rather than binge eat in hiding as per yoozh. In addition, the littlest ones can dress up as their favorite cartoon character, neighborhood hobo, ghost, or something else equally innocent…

OR SO WE THOUGHT. Apparently, dressing up like a slutty old lady has now infected even the tiniest of girls. Because now, young “ladies” can dress up like an American Idol contestant, replete with tacky tops, fishnet sleeves, flared pants and platform sandals marked with the American Idol insignia.* And the best news? Now your toddler can look like the littlest failure in the country! But don’t fret, fellas, Clay Aiken is available also. Our one real problem is that nobody seems to offer a Bo Bice costume… oh, no, wait… never mind.

*Mini-side-note: What is the world coming to?

ICYMI: Colbert Makes Nice With The Mentally Il

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Maybe we’re doing this wrong. Maybe we should forget about sanctions and inspections and stop attacking North Korea for testing a nuclear bomb. Instead, perhaps we should follow Stephen Colbert’s lead and give Kim Jong Il what he wants: booze, DVD’s, and a feature film deal. Makes sense to me.

Stewart & Colbert in ’08. Whether they like it or not.

PROPPED: Who Went Under The Knife?

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I’m loving these AOL quizzes. In this latest quiz, dropped by SethW, you not only have to figure out which celebrity had some work done, but also what they said about their plastic surgery. It gets tricky. I scored a sad 7/10… I’m sure you can do better. Post your scores in the comments. Good luck!

Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

SIZZLER: Bizarro Trump Hates Angelina, Lauds K-Fed!

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TRUMP.JPGLast night’s Larry King Live featured an unusual side of Donald Trump, a side where the real estate mogul wasn’t afraid to opine on the likes of Angelina Jolie, K-Fed, Paris Hilton, the good looks of one Mr. Larry King, and some Mark Foley for good measure. We’ve clipped the best moments from the interview below, but if your stomach can stand it, you can read the entire thing here. A rundown: Trump loathes Jolie (including her looks — video footage here), loves K-Fed (who doesn’t?), and finds Paris Hilton “extremely attractive”, even though we’ve been told by many sources that homegirl is fully bald. In other words, wethinks ol’ Trumpy has finally effing lost it.

LARRY KING:. You recently applauded Brad Pitt‘s stance on not marrying Angelina Jolie. I believe you said that you consider everyone — when he said everyone should be married but don’t bug him, why?

DONALD TRUMP: Well, look, number one, I know her father. Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog but maybe they have some kind of a thing… I mean this poor sap he comes along and he practically begs her, “I want to see my grandson. I want to see this.” I mean if I were with him, I’d say “Forget it. It’s over.”… I think he’s a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She’s been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. (Ed. Note: Savor that image, please.) And, I just don’t even find her attractive. That has nothing to do with why I said it though.

Read more…

LISTEN UP: Smooth & Sensitive

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  • Fluxblog has The Walkmen’s smooth cover of Harry Nilsson’s “Don’t Forget Me”.
  • MOKB has an entire live set from sensitive singer-songwriter Joseph Arthur.
  • The kids at Scenestars have a tune from The Stills’ first record since 2003′s minor masterpiece Logic Will Break Your Heart. Logic will also dictate your going and grabbing the song.
  • Aquarium Drunkard is cleansing a few Thetans by posting a few rare tracks from everyone’s favorite hipster Scientologist – Beck!
  • I’ve been hearing good things about the latest album by The Decembrists, mostly from bespectacled bookish types that work in record stores, but good things all the same. Head over to The Yellow Stereo and tell me whether the indie nerds are right.

True Life: I Want A Hot Dog, Bitch

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true life.jpgForget about North Korea, Mark Foley and everything else going on in the world. This is the news story of the day:

A Gainesville College student who told police he is an MTV reality show star was arrested and charged with battery for hitting two University students downtown, police said.

University students Katherine Leigh Walden and Sara Elizabeth Holbert flagged down an Athens-Clarke County Police officer at about 1:55 a.m. Saturday and told the officer that the man, Joshua Taylor Hill, asked them to purchase a hot dog for him while outside 195 College Ave., the police report said.

“We said ‘No, we don’t have any money. Buy your own hot dog,’” Holbert said in a phone interview Sunday.

She said Hill repeatedly said, “Buy me a hot dog, bitch.”

I’m not sure what the best part of this story is; the fact that the guy identified himself to police as an MTV reality show star, or the line “Buy me a hot dog, bitch.” Actually, wait, I take that back. I do know– it’s the “Buy me a hot dog, bitch” line. Definitely.

Read the full article here. (Link via Collegehumor)