…OF THE DAY

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  • DAMAGED GOODS: Britney Spears, when one takes a gander at the pics “Before and After” K-Fed laid waste to once fertile lands. (CollegeHumor)
  • CRAPPY SERVICE: A Greyhound bus emptied its latrine in traffic, covering an Ohio family in human waste. And we thought nothing could be more disgusting than sitting next to the drunk old hobo who just peed himself. (The Smoking Gun)
  • FOLEY FACTS: The Unit’s Scott Foley is engaged. Washington’s Mark Foley is still a pedophile. (People)
  • GOOD NEWS FOR POST-APOCALYPTIC JEWS: Mel Gibson will not be reprising the rold of Mad Max in the fourth intallment of the film franchise. (DigitalSpy)
  • BWE PANELIST PASTIME: Giving interviews to comedy blogs, such as Frangela on The Apiary and Christian Finnegan on Dead Frog. (The Apiary, Dead Frog)
  • IN TOO DEEP: Genesis is reuniting, but “not for the money”. It’s actually more for the things they will be able to buy with the money. (BBC)

THE DAILY DOUCHE: You Make the Call!

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In the spirit of democracy, we’ll let you elect today’s Daily Douche. You can cast your vote in the comments, and for your convenience, we’ve even provided this helpful and entertaining video montage of suggested candidates. But please, whatever you do, don’t give it to George Michael.

UPDATE: For our less “obviousness-savvy” readers, the “candidates” I speak of appear in the video AFTER the opening montage of 9/11 & Katrina Victims. Guess I thought you’d know that.

Why Would Britney Dump K-Fed?

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How could Britney Spears possibly leave the super-talented, underrated, incredibly fertile, tree-smoking, pancake-loving rap genius that is Kevin Federline? We can’t figure this one out.

Some may speculate that she dumped the Federbeast because didn’t love Playing With Fire as much as the millions thousands hundreds dozens of people who purchased it. It’s a good theory, but we think it might have been something else. She must have seen this video over at AOL’s Gold Rush Video Central where her soon-to-be-ex-husband “rapped” video clues with the assistance of his “Private Dancers.” You know, I bet if Brit was given the option of citing “Gold Rush Video” instead of irreconcilable differences in the divorce papers she would have totally gone with it.

SIZZER: Brit & K-Fed’s Pre-Nup Details!

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BRITNEYKEFED1.JPGIt’s nearly impossible to see straight, what with our hyperventilating this past hour, regarding the divorce of American royalty Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. But nearly minutes after the initial announcement, details are already emerging over their pre-nuptual agreement. Pre-marriage, K-Fed was dancing his way to $30,000 a year. Post marriage? Even his cornrows are crying. From an Us Magazine article from December 2005, the details of their pre-nup:

  • K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.
  • The mansion will be divided 50/50.
  • Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
  • She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
  • Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.

They are so the Ike and Tina of a new generation! Nam myoho renge kyo Britney!

ICYMI: Get Losticil

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If you’re a LOST fan like myself, you’re probably no stranger to the frustation of friends and family suffering from a strange malady known as “Not Watching the Show” that renders them incapable of spending hours talking about it with you, poring over hypothetical theories about the island’s mysteries, speculating about the intentions of The Others, and wracking their brains trying to figure out what in the hell it all means. Luckily, our friends at CollegeHumor have discovered a cure, and it’s called Losticil. (Click on white area to view)

LISTEN UP: Pouring One Out For K-Fed

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  • In honor of the biggest election day news, Fire In the Stereo has a couple tracks for our recently “Dear Johned” homefries K-Fed, including a duet with his soon-to-be ex-wife.
  • Best Foot Forward has a new Hot Chip remix, AND a picture of some dude hugging a big weed plant.
  • The Shins are back and life-changing as ever, but they can only be found on blogs written in languages you probably do not speak. Like PopTart.
  • Y’all head on down to Scenestars and get yourself some Southern-fried rock goodness from my friend Cory Branan.
  • *Sixeyes has a whole bunch of Pavement tracks, just in case you’re feeling cleverly disaffected.

SIZZLER: HOLY S**T! Britney Files For Divorce!

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britney-kevin_N-753537.jpgTMZ reports…

Britney Spears has filed a petition for divorce from Kevin Federline.

Spears filed legal papers today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.

I’m sorry… I’m… I’m just not ready to deal with this right now. I just can’t.

Future Crush Alert: Rafferty Law

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Laaaadies! Time to renew your Tiger Beat subscriptions, because we have a feeling you’ll be seeing a lot of this guy in the coming years. It may not be such a shock that the son of the eternally handsome Jude Law, Rafferty Law, is the picture of sun-kissed blonde-blue-eyed perfection. Judging from the photos above, taken at a soccer game in London, it’s pretty obvious this kid is going to grow up to be painfully gorgeous. And it occurred to us that since Mary Kate and Ashley turned 18 a few years ago, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen any borderline-inappropriate countdown clocks anywhere. So we threw together a handy lil clock that ticks off the days until 2014, by which point we imagine the 18-year-old Rafferty will either be 1. a teen heartthrob, or 2. the disturbed product of a well-publicized celebrity divorce. Til then, we’ll just have to do with his smarmy pretty boy father.