PROPPED: 5 Christmas Specials Re-Dubbed

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Moe Zilla dropped a link to this hilarious post over at 10 Zen Monkeys that features 5 of our favorite Christmas movies completely redubbed. So if you’ve ever wanted to see Frosty thrashing to death metal or Linus declaring “Santa isn’t real. Jesus isn’t real. Heaven doesn’t exist. It’s all a bunch of bulls**t”, today’s your lucky day. Enjoy.

Got something you want us to see? Drop it now!

LOHANVOLUTION: “LR” Revealed, Al Gore Mobilized

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lohanvolutionSMALL.jpgWe pause from our regularly scheduled blogging to bring you a couple very important news items for the faithful followers of the Lohanvolution, way of the future-Howard Hughes:

  • In the Lohanifesto, you might have noticed that Our Dear Lindsay made mention of an evil-doer known as “LR” – a rotten, loathsome figure who may end up being taken to court and, if Al Gore has anything to say about it, executed. Lindsay, in all of her grace, spared this vermin the indignitiy of being named, but Lohanvolution supporter Goldenfiddle has identified her as one Lindsay Ratowsky, and by all accounts, she is indeed a rat. I think it’s time we exterminate her.
  • Several of “Those People” scoffed at Our Dear Lindsay’s claims that she wields the support of powerful politicians such as Al Gore, but as of today those fears can be laid to rest as Lohanvolutionist Wonkette has posted a fully adequite Press Release from Gore himself that clearly outlines his support of the way of the future-Howard Hughes.

And finally, faithful supporters, we ask that you remain vigilant and keep Lindsay in your hearts in minds as she battles triumphantly against the demons of people writing about her alcoholism and night-clubbing. We’re happy to hear that she’s been sober for the past 7 days and, seeing that she’s underage, has never drank in her life before. Be adequite.

While You Were Watching Mary Christmas on PAX

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  • Evel Knievel, aka Father Deathmas, is suing Kanye West for his alter-persona “Evel Kanyevel” in his video for the song “Touch the Sky.” No word on whether Big Pun or Retarded-Idea Johnson plans on following suit.
  • A British scientist compiles a list of the “Saddest Songs Ever.” And, no, Sugar Ray‘s “I Just Wanna Fly” did not make the list. :’(
  • Our favorite celebrity couple is engaged!! We can’t wait for Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling to start popping out a new breed of super-hot down-to-earth really-talented people.
  • James Gandolfini has been asked to play Bacchus at the 2007 Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans. Meaning, within months, James Gandolfini will be dressed up to look like an effing a-hole.
  • “Whether it was shooting a scene or arguing about a scene or gun practice or dance class or doing stunts – anything we had to do with each other, we just found a lot of joy in it together and a lot of real teamwork.” — Angelina Jolie on falling in love with Brad Pitt. Just more fuel for the “How are these real people and not androids” fire.

Best Night Ever: Tuesday, December 12th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, December 12th! Alex Blagg is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including: Friday Night Lights, Help Me Help You, The 8th [yes, 8th] Annual Family Television Awards, and Barbara Walters interviews who she believes are the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2006!

…Of The Day

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  • SOY WHAT?: Turns out it isn’t Queer Eye that’s turning our kids gay; it’s soy products. Who knew? (WorldNetDaily)
  • THE HAPPIEST/ RACIST-IST VIDEO WE’VE SEEN ALL DAY: 2006: The Year In Bigotry. (Gawker)
  • UM, NO DUH: Turns out Jessica Simpson is probably as dumb as we always thought she was. That’s a relief. (IDLYITW)
  • BOOBYLICIOUS?: Did Beyonce get breast implants or is it the best dress ever? You decide. (Celebrity Warship)
  • SCARIER THAN DODGEBALL: A fitness instructor wants to teach obese children how to pole dance. Because that’s what the world needs- more fat strippers. (BBC News)

Pauly Pulled The Wease Over Our Eyes Again!

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paulypunch.jpgEarlier today we told you about the the hilarious clip of Pauly Shore getting knocked the f*ck out in the middle of some bad crowd work at a recent stand-up gig. Well, according to the celebrity/”existence of racism” sleuths over at TMZ, the whole video (which is already a viral video sensation, having been viewed by millions of people in a matter of hours) might in fact have been a hoax:

“The Odessa, Texas Police Department claims that an officer “had met with Mr. Shore prior to his set, and was asked to participate in the skit. The officer stated that the skit went as designed and that Shore was not injured in the designed skit.”

As much as we’d like to believe The Wease had his Bio-Dome cold-cocked, these allegations raise an important question: Was this all just a shameless grab for publicity by a desperate has-been comic, or a brilliantly self-reflexive meditation on the transient, inauthentic nature of the modern media’s obsession with humiliated celebrities? We’re leaning towards the latter, as such profound lessons could only be taught by the man who brought us MTV’s Totally Pauly.

UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: The “Not A Baby Daddy” Dance

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In the world of Daytime TV Paternity Testing, there is a beloved tradition known as the “Not A Baby-Daddy” Dance, in which a young man – having just discovered that he is in fact NOT the father of the child he thought he had with the girlfriend/wife/whatever who previously informed him that she has cheated on him many times over – launches into a complicated celebratory dance routine that includes a) jumping out of his chair triumphantly, b) rolling across the stage with joy, c) pointing at and taunting his onetime loved one, then d) chanting victoriously as the woman walks off stage. When executed properly, it is a marvelous thing of beauty, and this clip, taken from today’s Maury, is one of the finest examples this blogger has ever laid eyes upon:

SIMI-LEBRITIES: Are Brad & Benicio Brothers?

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Our pal over at Cityrag brings us this latest edition of everyone’s favorite “famous people who resemble other people” feature. This time we’ve got Hollywood hunk rugged cool-guys Brad Pitt and Benecio Del Toro, totally looking similar in these pictures. Could they in fact be the same person, or dare we say, DATING? And if so, can we start calling them Branecio? Thoughts?

The 10 Fictional Women Who Make It Difficult To Date Real Women

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Girl-Next-Door-movie-f01.jpgThe folks at Girlfriend ’07 have compiled a list of the 10 characters from various movies and television shows who make it difficult to date regular girls.

Hollywood has a tendency to create female characters who make it nearly impossible to ever be truly satisfied with real women. Because not only do these women tend to be beyond beautiful on the outside, but they’re always unbelievable on the inside too. They’re cool. They’re fun. They always know what to say. And they always have that one little thing that makes you fall in love with them. Maybe it’s because they usually have guys writing their lines and making them perfect, but either way they’re a tough act to follow.

Click here to check out the list. While we’re happy to see Elizabeth Shue and the girl from Just One of the Guys on the list, we’re kind of offended by some of the omissions. Like, where’s Karen from The Office? Or Pam? Who do you think is missing? Leave your additions in the Comments.

Link via Gorillamask

Matt Damon Does Matt McConaughey

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Not like that.

Matt Damon is one of the coolest guys in Hollywood. Last night on Letterman, Matt broke out an impression of Matthew McConaughey. It’s pretty great, even though we’re a bit bummed he didn’t deliver McConaughey’s famous “JKL– just keep livin’!” line. Maybe next time.

Link via Celebitchy