Let’s take a quick look at who is faring better in these post-divorce days!
PHYSICALLY: The above comparison should say it all. K-Fed has tossed his cornrows to the wind, slapped on some cufflinks, and affixed the lucky diamond earring Brit no doubt bought him for Valentine’s Day. His Esquire duds work for him. Britney Spears, sadly, isn’t one of those girls who looks trashily hot when coked out of her brains. It’s more of a beaten hooker vibe. (Paris’ manhands really leave a mark.) At least she’s shaving! WINNER: K-Fed.
ROMANTICALLY: Britney’s latest squeeze is the ostrichian Paris Hilton. We won’t even get into details because you probably already know too much about their budding relationship. K-Fed isn’t crying though, as he’s scored his own eff-buddy in former porn star Kendra Jade. This one really comes down to which squeeze has less venereal diseases… aaand we’re guessing porn star. WINNER: K-Fed.
FINANCIALLY: Britney came out of the divorce with a water-tight pre-nup and top crotch lawyers. K-Fed can always stretch his last remaining diamond baubles to last at least a few more months. Still, this one’s easy. WINNER: Screwge McF**k, i.e. Britney.
Keep reading for more highly astute in-depth analysis.
It’s been all over the news that the U.S. embassy has asked the Bush twins to leave Argentina. Thanks to this video, we finally know the real reason why.
I’m no conspiracy theorist… but this makes perfect sense! Though I think I’m going to need to see the video. You know. As evidence.
If there’s one thing we don’t like corporations tinkering with, it’s our beloved childhood memories. So we’re a little conflicted over this Cingular ad, which parodies America’s favorite holiday film A Christmas Story. On the one pink rabbit ear, using beloved scenes to schill for a cell phone company that we know for a fact sucks ruins it a little. On the other ear, it’s a solid remake. Worlds colliding!
You’ve got to hand it to the talent coordinators at the Billboard Music Awards — they might be secret geniuses. Because next week’s normally unwatchable Billboard Awards will switch gears into Can’t Miss Television, when the newly-cemented “Gyno-Flash Posse” Paris Hilton and Britney Spears will don their crotchiest dresses and co-host the show together in Las Vegas, People Magazine revealed yesterday. Watching these two try to make their way through over 200 scrolling teleprompter words over the course of 3 hours sounded like re-re bliss to us. The clouds parted, God stepped out of a car with a short dress on, and sunbeams shot down to earth from his nethers.
But, of course, when something seems too good to be true… you know the rest. Because today, US Magazine reports that Britney Spears will not, in fact, co-host with Paris. Cut to God yanking his skirt over his knees and wonky-eyed frogs raining down from the skies. Paris Hilton hosting alone is about as fun as a 20-Please, Britney, deliver us a Christmas miracle and get your drunk ass on stage stat!
This nifty little bit of film footage, taken prior to an ironic performance of the song “God Bless America”, prominently places J-Simp’s spandex-clad cooch front and center, right where it belongs, making us want to proudly wave the stars and bars all across this land of ours. Behold…the Camelcrotch!
It’s Best Night Ever for Tuesday, November 28th! Mindy Raf is here to walk you through the best of Tuesday night tv, including Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, House, and My Boys!
You can check out more videos of Mindy HERE.
Gosh, it’s been way too long since we’ve annoyed you by posting about Borat. Well, it’s time to fix that. Stereogum stumbled upon a list of our #1 Kazakh’s favorite tunes. Since we refuse to accept that the whole Borat thing is getting old, here are the first couple of songs on the list:
1. “Beat It” – Michael Jacksons
I a huge fanny of this new song by dancing negro, Michael Jacksons. We have many major exports in my country -first is potassium, second is apples and third is small boys to Michaels ranch. Why not? Is niiice!
2. “You Be My Wife” from Borat Musical Listenings….
This is romantic song that I wrote about a woman’s in my moviefilm, whom I wanted to make romance inside off. This feature Belinda Bedekovic, our famous keytar player and was produced by Korki Buchek!!!
The rest of the list is right here. It’s very… wait for it… what am I gonna say?… hold on… here it comes… NIIIICE! Get it? Niiiice! Ahhhh. Yeah.
Sex and the City Syndrome. Scary Sadshaws. Morons. Call them what you will, but you have undoubetdly noticed the phenomenon of women who seem think their lives are JUST LIKE those of the girls on Sex and the City. You know the type – always trying to figure out with their friends which of the four characters they most resemble (“Oh my god you’re totally Samantha you slut!”) If so, fear not, for you are not alone. In fact, the latest party-loving lass who’s blaming her bad behaviour on the poor examples set by the jet-setting Manhattan lifestyles of Carrie Bradshaw and Company is none other than Lindsay Lohan! Lindsay clearly gets her sassy fashion style from Carrie, her slutty man-eating from Samantha, her hot-but-annoyingness from Charlotte, and her firecrotch from Miranda.