EXCLUSIVE: Fergie’s Next Video!

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We’ve gotten exclusive uncut (snort) footage of the music video for Fergie‘s latest single, “Clearing Out The Room.” The song is in typical Fergie fashion (unlistenable), and her lovely lady lump seems a little… misplaced. Enjoy.

FULL DISCLOSURE: This isn’t Fergie, rather the The Surreal Life and WWF’s Chyna, wasted out of her brains during a Labor Day taping for The New Tom Green Show. (Yes, he’s back.) But since we’ve been on a Fergie resemblance kick lately, we couldn’t let this one slide.

Hitler? It Nearly Killed Her!

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HITLER.JPGWhen most people think of Hitler and humor, they’re knowledge usually ends at “Springtime for Hitler” and Sarah Silverman (and maybe Charlie Chaplin, for those NYU Film grads out there). But a new book entitled Heil Hitler, Das Schwein is Tot! (Hail Hitler, the Pig is Dead!) chronicles various anti-Nazi jokes told by Germans and Jews alike during World War II. While the jokes fail to induce mild-LOLing from the confines of your cushy cubicles, we imagine that the same jokes probably killed inside the barracks. (Aaaaa-literally.) Nevertheless, it’s an interesting article, and it also reprints some of the “jokes” used over 50 years ago in times of crisis. So at least you’ll be prepared with the most awkward water cooler convo of all time later on today. (Link via Boingboing)

ICYMI: Bill on Hillary (Not Literally)

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While we’re not-so-secretly rooting for Scarlett Johansson to run for President someday (after all, she claims she could “get some things done in the oval office”), it’s probably not going to happen for a while. Instead, we face the possibility of former first lady Hillary Clinton (better political background than Scarlett, not nearly as hot in a tight red dress) gunning for the White House. Hillary’s husband Bill dropped by The Daily Show this week, where Jon Stewart asked him the million dollar question: If Hillary runs for president, what’s the key to defeating her. Watch the clip here (FYI, that question comes about 8 minutes in).

While You Were Swearing Off the Internet (Again)

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  • After publicly claiming to give up the Internet until 2007, Moby made it only 3 days before hopping right back on his online surfboard. At least he did better than the time he publicly claimed to give up being a self-important hippie, then made it only 3 tenths of a second after the conclusion of that statement before telling us all how evil we are for loving steak.
  • Now that Charlton Heston is getting up there in age (he turns 243 next month), the NRA is looking for a new president, and Tom Selleck seems to be the front-running candidate. Moustache? Check. Starring role in popular 80′s cop show that includes name of hand-gun in title? Check. Tough-sounding result when the word “f*cking” is placed between first and last name? Check. He’s got our vote.
  • According to Blender Magazine, K-Fed is going to die in the year 2032. If you’re bummed out by the length of time between now and then, also consider that, according to Blender Magazine, AFI and Panic! at the Disco are “awesome”.
  • A Memphis, Tennessee cocktail waitress has accused Hank Williams Jr. of “choking her” while she attempted to serve him. Guess someone should have listened a little closer to the lyrics of Hank’s hit country tune, “I Like to Choke Memphis Cocktail Waitresses”.
  • Aaron Carter got engaged in Las Vegas last weekend. Clay Aiken says he’s never been happier. Okay, that was easy, but they’d seriously make a good couple.

Best Night Ever: Monday, September 18th

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, September 18th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Deal or No Deal, Wife Swap, and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip!

…OF THE DAY

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  • OBSESSION: Rumor has it Kate Bosworth has the bad habit of breaking the cartilage in her ears. Stay tuned next week, when Kate will bang a band drum down Rodeo Drive while screaming “Cry for help! Cry for help!! La la la la la!” (DListed)
  • DRUG SHOCKER: Willie Nelson was cited for posessing marijuana on his tour bus. It’s like shooting silver-plaited fish in a body-odor-stenched barrel. (ABC News)
  • UNNECESSARY CROSSOVER: Great! Now the French have to go ahead and steal the Muppet Show from us?! French Kermit is going to be soooo obnoxious and sexual harassy. (Variety)
  • BARELY BLIND ITEM: Which Lindsay Lohan hates fellow Scarlett Johansson because the latter Johansson scores better roles than Lohan? Hint: They both slept with Jared Leto and are Lindsay Lohan and Scarlett Johansson. (Gawker)
  • LEOLARDO?: Is Leonardo DiCaprio the new old Marlon Brando? Kinda looks like it. (p.s. Does this mean I have a chance with him now? No, right? Just checking.) (A Socialite’s Life)

Baby Snatcher Looks Strangely Familiar…

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CNN.com has a composite sketch of the female suspect suspected of slitting a woman’s throat and kidnapping her baby. We’ve been staring at the picture for a while now, because we swore we just knew the woman depicted in the oddly alluring portrait. The hat, the hint of stubble, the almond-shaped eyes… yes, it’s all coming together…

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Then again, Ashton Kutcher hasn’t been seen wearing a trucker hat in at least two and a half minutes. So that’s probably not gonna work. (Eh-but seriously, creepiest composite sketch ever? Never mind…)

ICYMI: Mullally is the Wind Beneath Ferrell’s Wings

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The Megan Mullally Show kicked off today, and among the hundreds of talk show premieres that turned our brains into Nickelodeon Gack (Rachael Re-Ray comes to mind), hers was just subtle and pleasant enough to make us not despise her. It also helps that her first guest was Will Ferrell. Take a look at this clip, where Will serenades a surprisingly youthful Mullally with the wedding song used during our third marriage ceremony (p.s. It didn’t work out.)

ICYMI: Ellen & Her Skitty Parodies

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For those of you who work real jobs and aren’t lucky enough to sit in a room with a television a few feet away, here’s a little taste of what you’re missing during the day. Hilarious, hilarious daytime talk show skits like this one, courtesy of Ellen Degeneres.

Makes you appreciate your annoying co-workers a little more, doesn’t it?

OMG: The New York Times Spoils The Office Romance!

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JimPamOffice.JPGIt goes without saying — we’re not going to spoil anything related to the new season of The Office here — but if you don’t even want to be tempted with Satan’s deliciously intoxicating aroma, then just stop reading.

OK OK OK. Everybody just relax! OK, listen. Are you relaxed? OK. In today’s issue of The New York Times, writer Bill Carter profiles Ben Silverman, an agent-cum-television-producer responsible for bringing The Office from the UK over to American soil. (And, for that alone, he can expect a crateful of chocolate coins from us come this Hanukkah.) But, buried in the middle of the article, Carter goes ahead and ruins the mystery behind the best television romance of the decade! Of course, I refer to Jim and Pam, the lovelorn twosome whose kiss at the end of last season spawned an entirely new generation of secret cutters.

Anyway, we won’t ruin the surprise here. (Click on this link to read the article.) But we when we read the spoiler here at work, we jumped out of our seats and ran down the hallway screaming for our lives. We then slunked back to our desks, remembering that it was a fictional show, and that even in their fictional universe, we didn’t matter/exist. God, we can’t wait until 8:30 pm on Thursday.