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In the spirit of democracy, we’ll let you elect today’s Daily Douche. You can cast your vote in the comments, and for your convenience, we’ve even provided this helpful and entertaining video montage of suggested candidates. But please, whatever you do, don’t give it to George Michael.
UPDATE: For our less “obviousness-savvy” readers, the “candidates” I speak of appear in the video AFTER the opening montage of 9/11 & Katrina Victims. Guess I thought you’d know that.
How could Britney Spears possibly leave the super-talented, underrated, incredibly fertile, tree-smoking, pancake-loving rap genius that is Kevin Federline? We can’t figure this one out.
Some may speculate that she dumped the Federbeast because didn’t love Playing With Fire as much as the
millions thousands hundreds dozens of people who purchased it. It’s a good theory, but we think it might have been something else. She must have seen this video over at AOL’s Gold Rush Video Central where her soon-to-be-ex-husband “rapped” video clues with the assistance of his “Private Dancers.” You know, I bet if Brit was given the option of citing “Gold Rush Video” instead of irreconcilable differences in the divorce papers she would have totally gone with it.
It’s nearly impossible to see straight, what with our hyperventilating this past hour, regarding the divorce of American royalty Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. But nearly minutes after the initial announcement, details are already emerging over their pre-nuptual agreement. Pre-marriage, K-Fed was dancing his way to $30,000 a year. Post marriage? Even his cornrows are crying. From an Us Magazine article from December 2005, the details of their pre-nup:
- K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money. All the millions belonging to Britney will stay that way.
- The mansion will be divided 50/50.
- Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser. This includes a custom-built motorcycle Brit gave K-Fed for Christmas 2 years ago.
- She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage. Meaning he’ll be well sneakered until at least a year from now.
- Spears won’t pay child support. Federline is still responsible for supporting his other two children with previous baby momma Shar Jackson. Luckily, Britney should be able to put food on the table for at least another 200,000 more years.
They are so the Ike and Tina of a new generation! Nam myoho renge kyo Britney!
If you’re a LOST fan like myself, you’re probably no stranger to the frustation of friends and family suffering from a strange malady known as “Not Watching the Show” that renders them incapable of spending hours talking about it with you, poring over hypothetical theories about the island’s mysteries, speculating about the intentions of The Others, and wracking their brains trying to figure out what in the hell it all means. Luckily, our friends at CollegeHumor have discovered a cure, and it’s called Losticil. (Click on white area to view)
Britney Spears has filed a petition for divorce from Kevin Federline.
Spears filed legal papers today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences.” In her petition, Spears asks for both legal and physical custody of the couple’s two children, one-year old Sean Preston and two-month old Jayden James, with Federline getting reasonable visitation rights.
I’m sorry… I’m… I’m just not ready to deal with this right now. I just can’t.
Laaaadies! Time to renew your Tiger Beat subscriptions, because we have a feeling you’ll be seeing a lot of this guy in the coming years. It may not be such a shock that the son of the eternally handsome Jude Law, Rafferty Law, is the picture of sun-kissed blonde-blue-eyed perfection. Judging from the photos above, taken at a soccer game in London, it’s pretty obvious this kid is going to grow up to be painfully gorgeous. And it occurred to us that since Mary Kate and Ashley turned 18 a few years ago, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen any borderline-inappropriate countdown clocks anywhere. So we threw together a handy lil clock that ticks off the days until 2014, by which point we imagine the 18-year-old Rafferty will either be 1. a teen heartthrob, or 2. the disturbed product of a well-publicized celebrity divorce. Til then, we’ll just have to do with his smarmy pretty boy father.
You might not remember major leaguer Mark Littell (most likely because he’s primarily known for being a mediocre Kansas City Royals pitcher back in the late 70′s), but this commercial for his athletic support product “The Nutty Buddy”, is pretty unforgettable. In less than two minutes, Littell sexually harasses a “sweet-looking” high school girl named Lacey, randomly tells us he’s not a transvestite, repeatedly refers to his “cajonies”, hoists himself atop two Igloo water coolers wearing tight spandex shorts and a backwards batting helmet, and voluntarily takes a 100-mph fastball right in the junk, all to demonstrate the effectiveness of what is ostensibly an average athletic cup, and all under the watchful gaze of Masa Koyanagi, the “Asian trainer” whose purpose is never clearly explained. The Nutty Buddy comes in three sizes: “The Boss”, “The Hog”, and “El Jefe”. I don’t know what it means, but some reason I feel like I should purchase the Spanish one.