MTV Europe Doesn’t Care About Black People

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kanyew.jpgKanye West went from gold digging to stage crashing at the MTV Europe Awards. Kanye was upset that he was… um… upset by Justice and Simian in the “Best Video” category (ed. note: wouldn’t you be a bit disturbed if you lost to somebody named Justice and Simian too? Ew.) Kanye handled the loss with the grace and dignity we’ve come to expect from him.

“F*ck dis! (My video) cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it, I was jumping across canyons and sh*t! If I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility. Nothing against you (J&S), but hell man.”

We happen to completely agree with Mr. West. How could something with Pamela Anderson in it NOT win something? There’s a reason Baywatch won all those Emmys in the 90′s. There’s a reason Barb Wire took home an Oscar AND a Golden Globe Award in 1996. And there’s a reason the Pam & Tommy sex tape won the hearts of millions of boys and girls across the globe. The woman is a proven winner.

And don’t even get me started on the canyons and sh*t.

While You Were Working For the Weekend

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  • For this installment of Horrifying Anna Nicole Smith News of the Day, we confirm that Mommy Dearest was taking drugs while pregnant, that Larry Birkhead is the real father, and that her dearly departed son Daniel was on more drugs than we originally thought. Tune in tomorrw when we reveal the recipe Anna is planning to use to eat her newborn baby.
  • Wesley Snipes has reportedly reached a settlement with the IRS and is expected to return stateside soon. So if you’re keeping score, you should always bet on black AND a movie star’s inability to exist outside of American luxury for any more than a week or so.
  • Is Brangelina pregnant again? And if so, can Africa withstand another onslaught of celebrity so soon after Madonna’s raping and pillaging of its children?
  • If you’re looking for a way to kill your boner on Monday around 4pm, Kirstie Alley will be on Oprah wearing a bikini.
  • When Bo Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard starts getting shot at, for no reason, in Alabama, I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that this country could use stricter gun control laws.

…OF THE DAY

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  • XMAS TREAT: Little Jimmy will think you’re the coolest Dad on the block this Christmas when you wrap his red firetruck in “Rapping Paper”, giftwrap with rap lyrics on it: “If there was a problem yo I’d solve it. Check out this hook while the DJ revolves it.” Don’t forget to say Word to your Mother, Jimmy. (Si Hill Design via BoingBoing)
  • STORY ARK: The first trailer for Evan Almighty is out. At first it’s like “Steve Carell and animals? Sounds High-larry Clinton!” Then you watch the trailer and it’s like “Criiiiinge.” (AOL Movies)
  • 3 MONTHS OF HOBRIETY: Lindsay Lohan has been spotted with a “Ninety Days” AA chip around her neck, indicating how long she’s been sober (side note: Pshhhyeah.) T-minus-4-Days til Claire’s stockpiles them in every color. (Faded Youth)
  • GESTURE: Tonight, sit down and take a few minutes to send Jay Leno a thank you note for turning down the opportunity to host the Oscars. (E! Online)
  • RETCH GIRLS: Katherine McPhee continues schooling America on shark jumping, telling Nicole Richie to call her if she needs support for her eating disorder. (Star Magazine)
  • CLIPGASM: The O.C. is on tonight. Sans Mischa Barton. Watch this clip reel and never forget. (TVGasm)

Listen Up: Brazilian Electronica Isn’t What You Think

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  • Close the curtains, swathe yourself in cashmere, and listen to 9 Crimes off of the new Damian Rice album over at Curiously Tasty.
  • Did someone say “Jazz reinterpretation of the best song of all time, November Rain“? Undomondo just did. (Warning: The original’s better.)
  • If you’re curious as to what exactly Brazilian Electronica means, You Can Call Me Betty tries to explain. Note: It’s not a hairless robot army.
  • Post Mod Sky puts together an awesome playlist of covers, including The Editors interpretation of the GorillazFeel Good Inc.
  • Idolator breaks down the hottest band of the moment, 120 Days. They had us at “not every song is written for a laser show.” Mmmm, retinal cancer.

If a Dennis Rodman Babbles Insanely In the Street and TMZ Isn’t There To Film It, Did It Really Make a Sound?

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Daily Douche - rodmandouche.jpgAfter viewing this unnecessary clip over at TMZ, one might conclude that Dennis Rodman is on the rebound (hey-O!). Standing outside a heavily-trafficked Hollywood hotspot, apropos of nothing, the full-time freakshow with a passing interest in basketball launched into the following impromptu dissertation on the various women he’s been romantic with over the years:

“All the girls I’ve loved before, I’ll f*** ‘em all. Every bitch that’s f***ed me, like this one, I’m gonna give it f***’n hell brotha.”

Um…okay? Well Dennis, I’m not really sure what in the hell you’re talking about, but I can safely assure you that we all stopped giving a sh*t about your “wild man” antics somewhere between Carmen Electra and Double Team. Standing outside The Ivy and rambling about “f*cking b*tches” isn’t rebellious or edgy – it’s something we expect from crazy street people, which is exactly what you like here. So for your tragic misconception about the public’s continued interest in your moronic behavior (and, what the hell, for old time’s sake), I am pleased to award you the honor of being today’s Daily Douche, along with all the undeserved attention this distinction will bring you.

Jessica Simpson- The More You Know

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jessica-simpson-blockbus-11.jpg“I’m a cheesy pop star. I am. I sing pop music, pop music is cheesy.”

Jessica Simpson was recently interviewed by Jane magazine. The folks over at Janemag.com have some audio outtakes from her interview. So head on over there right now to learn more about Jessica than you ever thought you would. Fun facts like:

  • Dolly Parton is her idol.
  • She’s into photography.
  • Listens to Judy Garland’s “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” every single day.
  • She sees a white butterfly every single day but she can’t figure out what it means.

I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that knowing these things may save your life someday. You’re welcome.

AD WIZARDS: High Interest Loans Are Dope!

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Yo, homies! Do u wanna pimp yo’ ride with some hot new stunna wheelz, but keep gettin’ smacked down because of your wiggity-whack credit from that bangin’ system you dropped all the cheese on? Well your homedogs over at 1-800-MAJOR-LOAN roll so deep with getting you a bangin’ rate on a major loan up in this b*tch, they’ll even bust out some dope flow skillz and tag a brick wall or two. Word? Just don’t hate on the high interest rates!