AD WIZARDS: Vito’s “Brown-Tip Special” Pool Cue


vitochaps.jpgAccording to the NY Daily News, actor Joe Gannascoli - best known as Vito Spatafore, the gay mobster from The Sopranos – has launched his own line of pool cues. For those of you who don’t watch the show (SPOILERS TO FOLLOW), Vito was beaten to death with a pool cue, which his homophobic attackers then shoved into his poopshoot like they were claiming it as New Jersey mobster land. Gannascoli goes on to explain his bizzare sense of humor:

“It’s great for ‘Sopranos’ fans who play billiards…It’s going to be called ‘A Cue to Die For.’ The ‘Badda-Breaker.’ But I wanted to call it ‘The Brown-Tip Special.'”

I think a “Johnnycakes” pancake batter would have been just fine, but whatevs. Also, does this mean I’ll finally get the Big Pussy Fishing Pole I’ve been waiting so long for?

Spot The Fake: Christina Wax-uilera


Madame Tussaud’s– London’s world famous wax museum– has given Christina Aguilera the wax treatment. We think it’s kind of a cop out considering that Christina always looks like a wax figure. Can you spot the fake Christina? Sorry; the fake-est Christina.

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Click here for the answer: Read more…

ICYMI: Catherine Tate Will Make You Laugh


We’ve only recently become privy to the hilarity that is Catherine Tate, the British comedian who is shaping up to be the Tracy Ullman for a new millenium. Ms. Tate is a sensation overseas, and it took a while for us to warm to her style… but this video from her self-titled show is what sealed the deal. Kind of NSFW — you might want to put your headphones on.

Uncensored DVD Mania


uncensored.jpgOne of the saddest days in life is the day you realize a DVD advertised as “Unrated” literally just means that it wasn’t rated by the people at the MPAA– and that’s it. It does not necessarily mean more boobies, it just means some old boring guy in Los Angeles didn’t sit down and rate it. I’m getting a little choked up just thinking about it.

The folks at Collegehumor have come up with some new ideas for Unrated DVDs. Forget about the empty promises of “more hot action” which usually just provide you with one more breast and an unusually long, lingering shot on a guy’s bare ass– these are the features we really want to see. Especially the Rain Man commentary track by real autistic people. Definitely that. Yeah, definitely that.

While You Were Thinking You Might Be A Hero, Too



  • Eddie Murphy has officially ended his relationship we don’t care about with Scary Spice to enter into a new relationship we don’t care about with Babyface’s ex-wife, Tracey Edmonds. You are now free to resume your regularly scheduled not thinking about Eddie Murphy.
  • If we are to believe this 20/20 Vision Item from Page Six, Britney Spears has been spending her evenings in Hollywood bathrooms, hoovering strawberry-flavored cocaine with Paris Hilton until they’re both wasted enough to go home and have hot – yet not very smart – lesbian sex with each other. What do you think – are Brit and Parisite disease factories?
  • Life & Style EXCLUSIVELY!!! reports what we tipped you off about weeks ago, that The OC’s Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody have…zzz…decided to zzz…zzz.
  • Despite what her previous comments might suggest, Gwyneth Paltrow is proud to be an American, because at least she knows shes free to act like a pretentious Hollywood assclown with a fake British accent.
  • Yesterday George Clooney mourned the loss of his longtime pig companion, Danny DeVito.

Best Night Ever: Monday, December 4th!


It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, December 4th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Heroes, Supernanny, and The Billboard Music Awards!




  • MUGSHOT: We’ve always looked up to actor Rip Torn as the craggly old drunk of a Grandpa we never really had… and this mugshot only cements our wishes. Look at what a hilarious time this ol’ alcoholic bastard is having! (
  • FUTURE BASKETBALL TEAM: Project Runway fans will be happy to learn that Laura Bennett gave birth to her FIFTH boy, Finn, Friday morning, joining brothers Peik, Truman, Pierson, Larson, and Oh, God, Are-These-Seriously, Their, Names? Yeesh. (People Magazine)
  • BOTTICELLI GRAVE DESECRATION: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton star in La Primavera, which is Italian for “ladies with-ah the blinding ah-vaginas.” (Gallery of the Absurd)
  • HEADLINE FROM THE PAST: 5 years ago, I would’ve entitled the following article “Laaadies!!! Lance Bass Available for Naked Piggy Back Rides Again!” Today, I’m all: “Laaaadies!!! Lance Bass Has Time Now To Listen To Your Problems & Shop!” (Yahoo News)
  • BIGGEST LET DOWN: Gutenberg the Musical is sooooo much less hilarious than you think. (EW Pop Watch)

DECK THE MALLS: Laughs From Above


wolflight.JPG[Between now and the end of Kwanzaa, your friends here at will be featuring a series of posts called “Deck The Malls”, in which we will do you the service of sharing the lowdown on a few great gift ideas that can be procured online, thereby saving yourself a nighmarish trip into the miserable bowels of shopping mall hell.]

Everyone loves a good parody book. They’re funny, look excellent on most coffee tables, and make great gifts for the illiterate morons in your life who don’t read, but still want to have a few books lying around, for when chicks come over. And as far as parody books go, they don’t get much better than SkyMaul, a laugh-yourself-retarded collection of fake catalog products satirizing those SkyMall magazines on airplanes that always make you wonder “who buys this crap?” The DUI Mask, Whoreganizer and, our personal favorite, the Hitler-Turning-Into-Werewolf Nightlight. The book, which was written by sketch comedy group Kasper Hauser, can be purchased on Amazon for as little as ten bucks.

Check It Out: Listen to the Dreamgirls Soundtrack!


Dreamgirls2.JPGFor those of you who just can’t wait until Christmas Day when Dreamgirls finally opens, AOL Music is holding a “Listening Party” and streaming the entire soundtrack! Part of us encourages you to stay strong until Dec. 25 in order to experience Dreamgirls for the first time in the theater… Some of the songs sound incredibly cheesy without the aid of the visuals.

Then again, for those of you familiar with the musical and curious to hear how Jennifer Hudson stacks up against Beyonce, or wondering if Eddie Murphy’s vocal chops have improved since his last album, now’s the perfect time to polish your gavels and give your judging arm a good workout. So, if you’re man enough to give this soundtrack a listen, definitely let us know what your first impressions are!

SIZZLER: Celebrities Continue Making M.A.D.D. Mad


Daily Douche - laneg.jpgHere are six reasons Prison Break’s Lane Garrison, should be put into a prison he can’t break out of. Last Saturday night he was 1) probably driving drunk in his 2) SUV full of 3) high school kids as young as 15 when he 4) lost control and hit a tree, resulting in 5) the loss of one life and 6) critically injuring two others. How about one of those “Scared Straight” prison reality shows where some big bald homocidal rapist named Lunchbox redefines the kid’s understanding of the word “Hyde”.