LISTEN UP: We Are Obliged to Mary J. and Bad Puns

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  • Celebrate Billboard Music Award sweeper Mary J. Blige today by throwing your capezios on and letting loose to some remixes over at the Dreams of Horses blog.
  • Is Alice Smith the next big thing in R&B and beyond? Music is Art thinks so, and we kind of agree.
  • We weren’t even sure if we wanted to promote a band whose name is I Am The World Trade Center, but we really thought you should know that there’s a band out there with that name. You can hear their latest track at Your Standard Life.
  • Another Christmas Playlist at Faster Horses, Younger Women! And it includes South Park‘s Merry F***ing Christmas! Meaning it’s awesome.
  • And pay your respects to another angel, Elliott Smith, by listening to some rare live tracks at Paper Covers Rock.

ICYMI: Join Amy Poehler for a Little “Pube Talk”

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We love Amy Poehler. It’s that simple. If you missed her mini-monologue directed at Britney Spears from Saturday Night Live this weekend, we beyg (yes, BEYG) you to watch it. Our new Myspace Headline? “There was a time when a lady garden was as big as a slice of New York pizza.” Amy is turning into kind of a pubic-hair-etiquette expert, with some hilarious grooming-related quotes in last month’s Bust Magazine as well. She’s the best!

Do You Heart New York? Well, She Don’t Heart You.

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I missed the whole Flavor Of Love boat, but I think I’m going to love New York. What’s not to love about a woman who gets so repulsed by a guy’s neck beard she almost loses one of her fake eyelashes over it? That’s marriage material, my man. Check out this I Love New York preview. It’s hard to believe things didn’t work out with her and Flav, isn’t it?

CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE: Dakota Fanning

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72719333.jpgWe know we give lil’ actress Dakota Fanning a hard time. Whether she’s rounding up sheep for the eternal slaughter, strung out on heroin, hanging out with bi-polar rap stars, or getting raped in the movies, her early stardom and perma-grin have made her an easy target for those despicable heartless celebrity gossip blogs. But perhaps our schoolyard taunting is working? Because check lil’ Da-ki-ki out! Adorable, chic, age appropriate… We’re going to even forget that she’s wearing leggings because, hey, it’s better than a golden staff.

We should also point out that we’re only about T minus 2 years away from Dakota Gwynefying herself into such a beauty that no one would ever DARE to insult her style. Then the meth will kick in. Trust us.

AD WIZARDS: Vito’s “Brown-Tip Special” Pool Cue

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vitochaps.jpgAccording to the NY Daily News, actor Joe Gannascoli - best known as Vito Spatafore, the gay mobster from The Sopranos – has launched his own line of pool cues. For those of you who don’t watch the show (SPOILERS TO FOLLOW), Vito was beaten to death with a pool cue, which his homophobic attackers then shoved into his poopshoot like they were claiming it as New Jersey mobster land. Gannascoli goes on to explain his bizzare sense of humor:

“It’s great for ‘Sopranos’ fans who play billiards…It’s going to be called ‘A Cue to Die For.’ The ‘Badda-Breaker.’ But I wanted to call it ‘The Brown-Tip Special.'”

I think a “Johnnycakes” pancake batter would have been just fine, but whatevs. Also, does this mean I’ll finally get the Big Pussy Fishing Pole I’ve been waiting so long for?

Spot The Fake: Christina Wax-uilera

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Madame Tussaud’s– London’s world famous wax museum– has given Christina Aguilera the wax treatment. We think it’s kind of a cop out considering that Christina always looks like a wax figure. Can you spot the fake Christina? Sorry; the fake-est Christina.

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Click here for the answer: Read more…

ICYMI: Catherine Tate Will Make You Laugh

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We’ve only recently become privy to the hilarity that is Catherine Tate, the British comedian who is shaping up to be the Tracy Ullman for a new millenium. Ms. Tate is a sensation overseas, and it took a while for us to warm to her style… but this video from her self-titled show is what sealed the deal. Kind of NSFW — you might want to put your headphones on.

Uncensored DVD Mania

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uncensored.jpgOne of the saddest days in life is the day you realize a DVD advertised as “Unrated” literally just means that it wasn’t rated by the people at the MPAA– and that’s it. It does not necessarily mean more boobies, it just means some old boring guy in Los Angeles didn’t sit down and rate it. I’m getting a little choked up just thinking about it.

The folks at Collegehumor have come up with some new ideas for Unrated DVDs. Forget about the empty promises of “more hot action” which usually just provide you with one more breast and an unusually long, lingering shot on a guy’s bare ass– these are the features we really want to see. Especially the Rain Man commentary track by real autistic people. Definitely that. Yeah, definitely that.

While You Were Thinking You Might Be A Hero, Too

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  • Eddie Murphy has officially ended his relationship we don’t care about with Scary Spice to enter into a new relationship we don’t care about with Babyface’s ex-wife, Tracey Edmonds. You are now free to resume your regularly scheduled not thinking about Eddie Murphy.
  • If we are to believe this 20/20 Vision Item from Page Six, Britney Spears has been spending her evenings in Hollywood bathrooms, hoovering strawberry-flavored cocaine with Paris Hilton until they’re both wasted enough to go home and have hot – yet not very smart – lesbian sex with each other. What do you think – are Brit and Parisite disease factories?
  • Life & Style EXCLUSIVELY!!! reports what we tipped you off about weeks ago, that The OC’s Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody have…zzz…decided to zzz…zzz.
  • Despite what her previous comments might suggest, Gwyneth Paltrow is proud to be an American, because at least she knows shes free to act like a pretentious Hollywood assclown with a fake British accent.
  • Yesterday George Clooney mourned the loss of his longtime pig companion, Danny DeVito.

Best Night Ever: Monday, December 4th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Monday, December 4th! Brian Faas is here to walk you through the best of Monday night tv, including Heroes, Supernanny, and The Billboard Music Awards!