One Way To Make The End of the World Hilarious

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Today’s award for best headline relating to the possible end of the world goes to UK’s daily rag The Sun, who chose to honor the impending nuclear holocaust by referencing one of the most beloved WWII musical’s of all-time, The Sound of Music. And no North Korea headline would be complete (Matt Drudge) without the Kim-Jong Il doll made so popular in the hit comedy Team America. Tabloid puns, f**k yeah! (Note to the NY Post: Get your act together. Seriously, this is embarassing.)

While You Were Feering So Ronery

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  • Carlos Mencia gave TMZ a tour of “his wheels”. Surprisingly enough, they’re not all tricked-out low riders. Who would have known? I mean, he’s such a beaner!
  • From the looks of his bright new shiner, it would seem that DJ AM maybe should have thought twice about giving his homey K-Fed a spin on the decks.
  • Lindsay Lohan’s mother says she’d like to see her daughter follow in Angelina Jolie’s footsteps and star in an action movie. Personally, I think we’ve already seen Coke Whore Force: Slap-fights At Hyde quite enough.
  • Please god someone tell us who the latest “mystery man” random LA pseudo-hipster douchebag in Nicole Richie’s life is. We positively MUST know!
  • The Nicole-Paris reconciliation is now totally official, as the two ladies had their obligatory make-up sex together. Paris even let Nicole borrow some of her clothes on the way out. Aww.

YouTube Billionaires Make Bad YouTube Video

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As we all sit at our desks this morning and wonder why WE didn’t think of a website that allows people to share videos with one another, two twentysomething dudes from California are laughing all the way to the bank. In case you haven’t heard, the site where you waste your time watching commercials from the 1980′s and movie clips starring kung-fu midgets, YouTube, was just purchased by Google for $1.65 billion. As part of their celebration, the founders made this video to thank their supporters… and rub it in. I hate life.

Link via Gorillamask.

…OF THE DAY

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  • SHOCKER… MAYBE THE DIRTY KIND: MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann is reported to be a terrible lover and a cad by an embittered ex-lover. On the bright side, Larry King can finally empty his own colostomy bag. Take that, Olbermann! (Page Six)
  • MARKETING GENIUS: Even the characters on Two and a Half Men can’t make it through an entire episode without getting sh*z-hammered. We usually black out by minute 17. (USA Today)
  • BLAME GAME: Billy Bush claims he was on the phone with Eva Longoria when she took her rib-fracturing spill last week. Considering we once sliced a bagel all the way through our forearm while watching the guy on the red carpet, we’ll buy this one. (People Magazine)
  • RETRO CLIP: Remember when Super Mario Brothers was cutting edge technology? No? Well back in 1988 it blew Bill O’Reilly‘s mind. (College Humor)
  • BREAKING NEWS: Heidi Klum, full with fetus, still looks drop dead gorgeous. We still can’t decide whether or not this is proof that God exists. Give us time. (X17 Online)

SIZZLER: Use Your I-Vag-ination

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VICTBECKHAM.JPGVictoria Beckham nee Posh Spice claims to “look really awful naked,” according to an interview in Australian Harper’s Bazaar. Following the birth of her three children, Brooklyn, Staten-Island and Da’Brahnx, Posh says the weight fluctuation has left her belly saggy, her skin orange, and her breasts high and globe-like. Katie Holmesnewfound Be-Fri is also the first to admit that despite airbrushing techniques used to make her look like Anna Wintour’s older sister, she has no ass at all. We always thought Posh had a fantastic figure, and were surprised to learn about her shortcomings. Especially when an anonymous source calling themselves “Ms. Paint” forwarded us a photo showing the singing sensation in nearly no clothes at all. After the jump, take a look at naked Posh for yourself — she’s not looking half bad! Read more…

LISTEN UP: Sparkle and Fade, Fade… Fade

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  • Linesthroughlines has a listening assignment today: download these tracks by Badly Drawn Boy, Josh Ritter, What Made Milwaukee Famous and Blitzen Trapper.
  • Macktronic posted an entire free Insound compilation CD today, loaded with tracks by bands like The Hold Steady, TV On The Radio, The Rapture and a whole lot more.
  • My Music Trivia proves everybody’s connected, including tracks by Pavement, the Smashing Pumpkins, the Silver Jews and Zwan.
  • Come on, you kinda want to download these acoustic Everclear tracks from Faronheit. Admit it. We won’t tell.
  • And finally, Both Sides of the Mouth has 3 tracks by the Cold War Kids that are too good to ignore. So don’t.

ICYMI: Do Your Job!

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It been a long time since the brilliance of Jon Stewart and The Daily Show has been some kind of secret, but certain nights they manage to outdo even themselves. This segment, in which Jon laments the double-speak applied to President Bush’s ever-changing job description, hits the ball way out of the park.

ICYMI: Take Me Home From The Ballgame

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There are a few things that could ruin a postseason baseball game: bad weather, obnoxious fans, Alex Rodriguez, and perhaps worst of all: A painful rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.

Over the years there have been too many horrendous performances of our National Anthem and “God Bless America” at games. Idolator has decided to compile a list of these disasters in the “Hey, It’s Enrico Palazzo!” Hall of Fame. Michael Bolton, Liz Phair, Steven Tyler, Jimmy Buffett and, yes, Scott Stapp, make up the inaugural class. And there are YouTube clips. Yes. There are YouTube clips.

The Amazing Race: Leg Puns Run Amock

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PETERSARAH1.JPGIf you haven’t been watching The Amazing Race this season, you might not be familiar with Sarah and Peter, the creepy Father/Daughter/Oh-Wait-They’re Dating couple. Simply put, Sarah is a tiny blonde musculatory powerhouse who only has one leg, and in what sounds like an adorable pairing, Peter is a clinical prosthetist (cue awwws). And if this is a match made in heaven, then the Gods must be crazy, because Peter might actually be a sociopathic murderer. Besides treating Sarah like a little girl (and granted, she looks like a 13 year old on roids), he’s also incredibly condescending. And worse, he makes the poor girl perform all the difficult challenges, while being the first one to use the handicap card! Needless to say, when host Phil Koeghan talks about each “leg” of the race, we look at the floor while nonchalantly caressing our calves and weeping.

Last night took this hypcorisy to a whole new level. The teams found themseles in beautiful Vietnam, and were hit with a Roadblock — a task only one member of the twosome can complete — and specifically requested the team member with strong arms and legs to complete it. Ne’ertheless, Peter gallantly volunteers Sarah to complete the task, bolstering her confidence with creeptown compliments. And God bless the editors of this show, who brilliantly spliced together footage (we’re really toeing the line) of lil’ Sar, hoisting her disabled way up a cliff while crying, and Peter, literally reclining on a boat and sipping from a soda can.

The entire episode was thrilling, and sadly Tom and Terry, aka The Even Gayer Hobbits, were eliminated. It’s not too late to get into the season; in fact, it looks like the best is yet to come. We just hope Peter gets his!