SIZZLER: John Travolta Is Not Gay

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Look, I really don’t see what the big deal is here. So John Travolta is boarding his private jet while planting a strong, powerful man-kiss onto the mouth of some dude with a desperate passion known only to wives whose husbands have been away at war for six or seven years. Form your own conclusions, but this is the 90′s, you know – things are different now. Also, he’s a Scientologist.

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One question, though – in the highly unlikely circumstance that John Travolta were to be gay, would he be considered a bear?

(pic via ONTD)

While You Were Aborting Your Labor Day Plans…

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  • 50 Cent is looking to duet with Elton John. In a related story, 2 Live Crew is still sitting by the phone, waiting for Celine Dion to call back.
  • While you may never actually lay eyes on Suri Cruise, one artist is finally giving America a sculpture of what it really wants to see: Suri’s Bronzed Baby Poop. We poop you not.
  • Waaaaaay before Jennifer Aniston weddorced Brad Pitt, way before she was earning the GDP of Pakistan for each episode of Friends, way before her hairstyle was a point of national and international intrigue, Jennifer Aniston wore Mom Jeans.
  • Posh Spice claims she is just the girl next door. Assuming you live in a Prostitute Cul-de-Sac.
  • Today’s Award for Worst Pun Headline goes to The Sun, who reports that the lovely Ms. Paltrow has gone Gwyn-dow Shopping.

…Of The Day

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  • FUN FACT: Over the course of their lifetime, British women spend 2 1/2 years on their hair. And 45 minutes on their teeth. (Daily Mail)
  • WELCOME TO THE PROS: Your pro-athlete career really begins when you start fathering kids out of wedlock. Shawn Kemp, watch your back– Paris’ ex-bf Matt Leinart has gotten off to a fast start. (Deadspin)
  • BABY MAMMA DRAMA: Nicole Kidman’s rep accused photo agencies of manipulating photos to make the actress look pregnant… yet somehow still uninteresting. (MSNBC)
  • POLITICAL STRATEGY: Simply put: Before he ran for govenor in 1980, Jerry Springer had sex with a prostitute. And he paid her with a check. And people found out about it. So he made a commercial. And not only did he admit to it, he tried to spin it. And here it is. And… wow. (Gorillamask)
  • NEW REASON TO HATE ENTOURAGE: Worse than firing Ari and worse than Kevin Connolly’s acting– K-Fed is joining the cast for 3 episodes. Lloyd!!!! (IDLYITW)

PHOTOSHOP CONTEST: Jessica Gives A Sign

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Guess what: Jessica Simpson lost her voice and has been reduced to carrying around a sign. Lucky for us, BWE.tv readers are here to help. Check out some of favorite entries so far, then make your own by clicking here. Email your entries to contests@bwe.tv. Have fun!

CELEBRITY MATH: Mugshot Edition

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Take a look at today’s round of celebrity math. Which celebrity mugshot does the following equation equal?

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(Mugshot courtesy of TMZ) (We would also like to add that “The Square Root of Nolte” would make for a great band name.)

ICYMI: iPod + Colbert = Awesome

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When sudden Webgod Stephen Colbert threw down his “Green Screen Challenge”, encouraging viewers to manipulute footage of him pantomiming the famed “Star Wars Kid” viral video, I wonder if he thought he’d get anything as creative as the submission below, which we found over at TV Squad.

Get These MFing Snakes Out My MFing Garage!

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SNAKESPLANE1.JPGMost people, including ourselves, turn to Ebay to find beloved goods that have virtually disappeared from store shelves: Fleece Laura Ashley tunics, nubuck Birkenstocks, tattered clown dolls. But one literaly genius has taken this summer’s internet phenomenon, Snakes on a Plane, and turned it into an interactive movie of sorts! In a fun and visually exciting Ebay listing, the seller (aka “proximityfx”) offers up “The Official Un-Official Snakes on a Fisher-Price Plane Little People Action Airport & Fun-Jet Set.” The set comes with a plastic plane, little plastic people (easily devoured by snakes or your family dog), and a bag of ginormous (replica) snakes. (Imagination sold separately. Am I right, America?)

Is more convincing needed? It’s a Fun-Jet Set folks! There’s even a little black, bald plastic Samuel L. Jackson! (Link via Goldenfiddle)

p.s. We just want to add one thing. Forget the hype: Snakes on a Plane was really the most movie fun we’ve had all summer. Try and see it before it’s relegated to TBS.

LISTEN UP: Hipsterrific!

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  • Those indie rock snobs over at Pitchfork put down their pretenses long enough to post a new track from The Decemberists.
  • Stereogum says that Land of Talk is a band to watch, so if you’re eyes aren’t immediately glued to them, you’re clearly neither hip nor cool.
  • Without even listening to their music, I have a hunch that Margot and the Nuclear So So’s might be the coolest band ever – go to MOKB and see whether you agree.
  • Watch your back, Danny Elfman! The Rawking Refuses to Stop thinks that Hylozoists would compose some pretty amazing film scores.
  • Surviving the Golden Age has a bunch of just-released tracks, unironically putting a new Bob Dylan tune right next to one from Young Dro. Hey, it takes all kinds.