UsWeekly Exclusive: Watch Man Grow Beard

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beard.JPGUsing space age technology, a little bit of magic, and some sort of program involving something called “morphing”, the folks at UsWeekly were able to re-create the unthinkable. Evolution? No. The splitting of an atom? No… better.

If you click here you can watch Matthew McConaughey go from clean shaven to full-blown beard in a matter of SECONDS. I S**T YOU NOT!

Since discovering this marvel of modern technology, I’ve watched it approximately 1,100 times. I’m still blown away. How did they go from clean-shaven Matt to bearded Matt in a matter of SECONDS? It’s a mystery. One that will probably never be solved. Thank you UsWeekly. Thank you for going where no entertainment site has gone before.

Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?

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Remember in the early 90′s, when we would torture ourselves with incredibly bitter and painful sour candies, like Warheads? Relive the nostaligia with this short film from 1992, called Sour Death Balls. We dare you to watch it without cringing.

(Link via Video Dog)

Shiloh Hello! The Messiah Emerges!

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JOLIEVOIGHT1.JPGIt’s been months since we’ve last laid or pathetic little eyes on the glorious merging of cells that is Shiloh Pitt. But thank ye gods, we finally got another peek at this mythical creature. And we gotta say — this lil’ lady has definitely inherited some of the good looks from her mother’s side!

OK, clearly this is not lil’ Shiloh (the original picture is after the jump), rather Jolie papa Jon Voight, who has always kind of reminded us of a shiny red-faced baby. And, assuming Angelina Jolie reads this blog, we would like to think that one of our images could possibly be disturbing enough to worm its way into one of her nightmares.

In other news, are the Pitts moving to D.C.? Us Magazine has the scoop. Oh, and the original picture of the gorgeous Shiloh is after the jump.

Read more…

YOUTUBULAR: How Can I Tell If I’m Really In Love?

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Defamer directed us over to this incredible video straight out of the 80′s starring Jason Bateman, Justine Bateman, and the immortal Ted Danson. With unintentional hilarity and the same special effects as my Bar Mitzvah video in 1993, this is truly a Youtubular event. Enjoy… and learn.

Update: The video originally came from Fast Hugs.

Homer Simpson Makes $67,000 a Year?!

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PATRICKDEMPSEY.JPGThe AOL Salary Center has compiled a list of Real-Life Salaries of Popular TV Characters, documenting the hypothetical income of some fake tv jobs. A few surprises: Dr. McDreamy is more like Dr. HeProvidesForMeGirrrrrl, earning a whopping $386,575 per year!

Some of the results baffle us. How on earth does a stay-at-home Mom, in this case Alison Dubois on Medium, earn $135,000 a year? Is there some sort of underground Ebay scam happening on the side? And how am I supposed to believe that Ugly Betty earns almost $50,000 a year, when most everyone knows that assistants in the magazine/fashion world are paid somewhere around $20,000 and usually live off of insanely well-endowed trust funds or extremely generous parents?

Take a look at the list for yourself
, and tell us if we’re crazy, or if these numbers actually add up.

The Office: If You Can’t Beet Em, Join Em

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COREY CLARK.bmp“The Initiation” episode of The Office last night merged two of our lesser-liked characters, Dwight and Ryan, together in one beet-farm-filled journey. We’ll be honest: We weren’t super psyched about this episode 2/3 of the way in. The farm scenes were OK but not hysterical (though “Now I will plant my seed in you” always gets a laugh no matter in what context). Michael‘s pretzel sugar-high was funny, but somehow a little too forced. In fact, we feel the funniest scene from the episode was actually cut! The deleted scene on NBC.com is a short goodbye moment between Michael and Ryan, and — stop us, please — but we have serious fantasies about these two. That Gay Witch Hunt vibe gives us a tingly feeling. Add Smiley Stanley to that.

No, the episode didn’t really redeem itself until the very end, when we finally — FINALLY — got what we wanted: Jim and Pam on the phone! Talking to each other! We’re not ones to get sappy (though we did wear a wedding gown during the Ross and Rachel nuptuals a few years back), but it was so good to hear their flirty banter again. Welcome back!

Thoughts on the episode? (Stanley cartoon via Give Me My Remote!)

Shuffling Towards the Weekend!

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shuffle.jpgThis week our special Shuffling guest is Melissa Maerz, an Associate Editor at SPIN Magazine and all-around musical taste-maker. So let’s see what kind of super-cool industry insider tunes she’s rockin’ on the iPod she’s so kindly shuffled to share with us these first five resulting tracks. As always, leave the results of your own shuffles in the comments!

1. “Le Responsible,” Jacques Dutronc – The best 60s dance song ever made by a French pop star who once had a ‘90s indie-rock band named after him.

2. “Make Out, Fall Out, Make Up,” Love is All – A great half-sad punk screamer that can’t decide whether it wants to philosophize about eternal return or smear your lipstick.

3. “Two-Headed Boy Part 2,” Neutral Milk Hotel I never really understood why anyone would want a girl who feeds you “tomatoes and radio wires,” but I trust Jeff Mangum’s read a few ancient scrolls about that topic.

4. “We’ve Got Tonight,” Bob Seger Such a romantic one-night-stand ballad. Alternate title: “Hey, this malt liquor won’t last ’til morning, so why not sit your ass down and screw me?”

5. “It Was I,” Lindsey Buckingham – You mean it was not he, she, or they? All my favorite soft-rock songs make good use of grammar.