We find it impossible to believe that when celebrities leave their home wearing a pair of pantyhose pulled over their rack, they forget that once the inevitable flashbulb goes off, lil Ms. Mary Ola will peek her tiny brown head out from behind her sheer cage. So when we caught glimpse of this photo taken of Sharon Stone yesterday in Moscow, looking dignified while still making sure her nip is in full slip mode, we lowered our head, shook it back and forth, waved our fists at the sky, and of course posted it for all the world to see. We would love to know the secret in keeping one’s bosom so buoyant after 48-years of constant exposure.
After the jump, The Official Closest Close-Up of Sharon Stone’s Nipple known to man (we think).
We really don’t give Jessica Simpson enough credit. For a girl whose father is this side of Molesty Culkin, she is unbelieeeevably normal. Daddy Joe Simpson is a frosty-tipped publicity gigolo who, for an ex-pastor, has absolutely no problem taking photos of his daughter in pure ex-coital bliss. Let’s kick off the creeptown train and reminisce to 2004, when Joe waxed hoetic to GQ Magazine about Jess’s rack: “She’s got double-D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” In his defense, Jessica tells Jane:
We’re Podunk Southern. And my dad is very open about his ideas and…it’s disgusting that people would actually think…people are making a judgment on something that is false.
Is it disgusting, Jessica? Is it? Because, judging by the above photograph, taken by your father, a bedsheet barely covering up your bathing suit places and an indentation in the neighboring pillow that just screams Premarital Sex, we think your father should take a long hard look at his insanely puppet-like features, run his fingers over that rhinestoned WWJD bracelet he so loves, and reconsider what exactly his motives are. Feel free to talk about your huge rack J, but please, keep it outside of the family.
If Jessica Simpson starts working on her hacky stand-up schtick, she could have a bright future on the red carpet once all the Botox has finished its total annihilation of her face.
Dan Hopper is here to bring you the very best moments from Thursday night TV. It’s Best Night Ever!
In a world of LoneyGirl15′s and Numa Kids, it’s rare that I say a YouTube sketch video flirts with genius, but Olde English’s spoof of the recent “picture-a-day” video trend, which tells the story of a man’s entire life in a cleverly cut-together series of still photographs, is pretty f’ing impressive. You’ll want to watch it several times to get all the jokes!
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Tonight the New York Mets and the St. Louis Cardinals go head-to-head in Game 7 of the NLCS to determine who faces the Detroit Tigers in the World Series. So if you’re a Mets fan, Cardinals fan, or baseball fan you should be excited about a great night of baseball. Everybody else: be excited that you’re one step closer to all new episodes of Standoff, only on Fox!
Are you watching the game tonight? And if so, who are you rooting for? The Mets? The Cardinals? Or simply the return of your regularly scheduled programs? Vote now!
I bet when this guy left his friends and family back in Ohio, he was like, “I’m going to Hollywood to be a big movie star, just like Brad Pitt!” And now here he is on a balmy day in Long Beach, shivering next to some off-duty lower-back-branded stripper, miserably cupping his shriveled junk in his hands whilst the lesser-known Hilton sister has her fully-clothed picture taken to launch the branding campaign for the “Nicky O” hotel chain her daddy gave her. All those acting classes and modeling lessons are really paying off now, aren’t they, Sir Laurence Olivier? I mean, without your flaccid man bits hanging about there, how else will weary travelers know that Nicky O is the one hotel that really lets you whore it up? Put this in your portfolio, fierce-nuts: you’re today’s Daily Douche!