SIZZLER: Live From NY, It’s ON Bitch!

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Everybody’s second favorite* four-eyed comedienne Tina Fey dropped by The Howard Stern Show this morning for 2 reasons: 1) to promote her underrated show Studio 60**, and 2) lay the SMACK down on Paris Hilton. Apparently Paris was bitchy (and shedding, thanks to a “cheap weave”) when she hosted SNL a while back. Thankfully Cityrag was listening to Stern this morning and decided to share some of Tina’s best disses with us. Head over there now to learn more about Paris embracing her stupidity, calling Jessica Simpson “fat,” and being the horrible c**t of a human being you always knew she was. It’s reassuring, to say the least.

Cityrag: Tina Fey on why Paris Hilton sucks

*I’m not sure who our favorite is. I just have a feeling Tina’s our second favorite. Not sure why. Just do.
**Or is it 30 Rock? Who knows? Who cares?

I’m Not the Only Al Creeped Ouy By Taylor Hicks

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Weird Al, who has been BWE-certified as Cool Again, is back with a new video over at JibJab, this time lampooning American Idol’s captain of the Soul Patrol, Taylor Hicks, who I also found to be more than a little bit creepy. Check it out!

LISTEN UP: Stuck Between Stations On The Radio

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  • Information Leafblower posted their annual list of the Top 40 American Bands. My Old Kentucky Blog has mp3s from a handful of the artists, including The Hold Steady and Girl Talk. I think that’s called synergy.
  • Silversun Pickups are touring with OKGo and Snow Patrol. Before you go buy tickets, head over to Hate Something Beautiful and download a couple of tracks.
  • Sixeyes has a great sixpack posted today, including songs by Tom Waits and The Lovely Feathers.
  • Gorilla vs. Bear gets sad with Motown, posts tracks by Smokey Robinson and The Supremes.
  • Finally, Idolator has another new Clipse track. This album is leaking so slowly it should finish trickling out sometime in 2009.

ICYMI: America’s Drunkest Criminal

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mostshocking.JPGDon’t be fooled by Court TV‘s 40-foot-high brow: Every now and again they feature the type of physical comedy not seen since the heyday of Perfect Strangers. Take this high-larious clip from their Most Shocking Videos series, for instance. A drunk man tries to break into a liquor store by climbing through a ceiling duct. He makes it into the store, but not before bottle after bottle of Merlot drops directly onto his head. Too drunk to realize he’s bleeding from the skull, he nabs a shopping cart to do some light shopping. We won’t give away the end, but let’s just say that it’s the kind of stunt Casino Royale can only dream of, and it’s in slow motion for your afternoon-viewing pleasure. Those with a low pain threshold might want to avoid this altogether, and those with a high laugh threshold can thank us with a smile.

Dancing With The Stars: A Recap Provided By A Co-Worker Who Was Emotionally Invested

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emmitsmith.jpgToday the big news in the world is that Emmitt Smith beat out Mario Lopez during last night’s Dancing With The Stars season finale to take the title and taint his obituary (think about it: “NFL All-Time Rushing Leader, Dancing With The Stars Champion, Dead at 74.”) I didn’t know how important Emmitt’s victory was until I received an angry phone call from my co-worker Jaime (not her real name), who yelled at me for neglecting Dancing With The Stars all morning. Rather than do the proper research, I decided to transcribe what she said word-for-word as she ranted about the results. I type fast. So here it is- a recap from somebody who really, truly cared:

It’s 12:18 and I can’t believe you didn’t write anything about Dancing With The Stars yet! It was crazy! I screamed at the TV when Emmitt won. I haven’t yelled at the TV like that since… O.J. My husband was sleeping and I woke him up and he was like “what’s wrong? What’s wrong?” And I said “Emmitt won!”

He just won because he was clearly the nicer person. Mario was clearly the better dancer. Much better. Mario cheated on his wife and he got what was due to him. You’re typing what I’m saying, aren’t you? Stop it.

I think it came down to the freestyle in the end… or that Mario cheated on his wife– the Doritos girl. I did like Emmit’s freestyle better… I didn’t like Mario’s… but he still should’ve won. Please don’t post this. Seriously.

There you have it. Is Jaime (not her real name) right, or do think Emmit deserved to win? Let us know what you think… assuming you care too.

SIZZLER: Paris Is Burning (Down There)

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moakler.JPGShanna Moakler, ex-wife of Travis Barker best known for her MySpace missives and punching Paris Hilton in the face, has fired the latest shot in her ongoing Whore War by joking with paparazzi that the heiress should “remember to take her Valtrex”. For those of you who aren’t wanton sleazebags, or don’t pay attention to pharmaceutical ads, Valtrex is the drug prescribed to treat Herpes. Could Ms. Barker really be implying that Paris Hilton, a paragon of chaste morality, suffers from a filthy STD? I smell slander! Or Valtrex. One of the two. Also, speaking of Valtrex, this is hilarious.

The Office: LITERALLY MUST SEE TV

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As NBC has incessantly reminded you, tonight is the station’s “super-sized” night of tv, with extra long episode’s of their top comedies My Name Is Earl, 30 Rock, and The Office. Fans of the latter show have to tune in — as tonight our beloved Pam and Jim meet face to face for the first time this season. It’s “The Merger”, coalescing the Stamford branch into the Scranton offices. From the short previews we’ve seen, it looks like its shaping up to be the best this season. Climb into your Team Karen/Team Pam tees and check out this clip, Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute starring in “Lazy Scranton.”

What The F#*k Is This?

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huh.jpgCan you guess what this is a picture of? Is it an alien? A monster? A CGI creature in a new Tim Burton movie? No– it’s something much, much scarier. Seriously. If you think you can handle it, click below to find out what it is. Warning: It’s NSFW. In fact, it’s not safe for anywhere.

Godspeed.

Read more…

ICYMI: Fear and Loathing at the World Music Awards

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If you’ve ever wondered what it might sound like inside the batty brain of Michael Jackson, I would say it’s one part Hunter S. Thompson on a 4 day ether binge, one part Blue’s Clues, one part Liz Taylor and one part scary boat ride from the original Willy Wonka movie. Watch this red carpet arrival footage from last night’s World Music Awards to see what I’m talking about.