Sharon Stone and Garry Shandling: Whaaaaat?

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Most gossip sites wouldn’t care to post this, but we find it so mind-boggling, so beyond our wildest dreams, we couldn’t not post it, nor not use a double negative while doing so. Garry Shandling and Sharon Stone… an item? They were spotted having a quiet and relaxed looking lunch with each other (code for: we’re in love!) In the meantime, we’ve been whistling The Garry Shandling Show theme song since the show went off air — so it’s good to see the guy still palling around.

X17 Online has more photos of a suspiciously glowing Stone. So are they just chums? Or something more?

SIZZLER: Mel Gibson Reaches Plea Deal

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GIBSON123.JPGHarvey Levin of TMZ.com just broke the news of Mel Gibson‘s plea deal on CNN. Here is what he reported:

Gibson pleaded no contest. He’ll be under probation for 3 years. He’ll attend AA for one year, 5 times a week for the first 4.5 months, and 3 times a week for the rest of the year. He has a handful of smallish fines ($1200), and will star in a public service announcement about the hazards of driving under the influence. In addition, his driver’s license has been suspended.

While Mr. Levin said that this penalty was pretty standard for a DUI, dare we say they seem a bit… harsh? How can he film Mayans warring in Mexico is he has to go to AA every night?

JonBenet Becomes Hot Ticket in Young Hollywood

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Dakotes.JPGThe recent arrest of JonBenet Ramsey‘s real killer has brought to light two things: 1. O.J. Simpson‘s quest to find Nicole’s killer is totes “game on”; and 2. While this is certainly a terrible tragedy, we have to think that someone, somewhere, is already working on The JonBenet Ramsey Story. Because, whether you like it or not, little girls strutting around like 45-year-old prosties sells.

So while it may seem too soon, you have to wonder… who is going to play JonBenet? We batted a couple of ideas back and forth (Little Miss Sunshine‘s Abby Breslin, while adorable, doesn’t have the maturity to pull the role off). Then we realized there was a simple, one word answer: Dakota. Dakota Fanning, so desperate for an Oscar that she’s already willing to get raped on tape, would make an excellent JonBenet. Sure, she’s twice JonBenet’s age, but she could easily tie sneakers to her knees and CGI out her calves, like a veritable “Dorf on a Child Murdering Spree.” Or perhaps her younger sister, 8-year-old Elle Fanning, is available. She’s so tiny and easily exploitable!

As far as JonBenet’s killer is concerned, Defamer has this one all bagged up: Dylan Baker.

LISTEN UP: A Daily Dose of the Best Music Ever

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  • Silence Is a Rhythm Too samples the goods from the recent double disc re-issue from The Cure. Misery has never made me so happy!
  • Brooklyn Vegan has tracks from the clap-happy rockers Takka Takka, which makes sense since they’re about to go on tour with Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.
  • Muzzle of Bees serves up a couple filets from Catfish Haven, who apparently blew everyone’s drug-addled minds at this year’s Lollapalooza Festival.
  • The Yellow Stereo is previewing a bunch of new albums, including the latest from my ex-roommate, the immensely talented Kaki King.
  • Head over to Pop Tarts Suck Toasted to grab tracks by Viva Voce and Silversun Pickups, then let me know what the hell all the buzz is about.

PROPPED: Sam L. on the Motherf*cking Daily Show

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In all your breathless anticipation for tomorrow’s long-awaited release of Snakes on a Plane, tide yourselves over with this clip, dropped by reader jenparker, of Samuel L. Jackson on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, discussing how such a film could ever come into existence, how he feels about its director and a clip featuring the already-classic “I’m sick of these motherf*cking snakes on this motherf*cking plane” line we’re all so desperate to see.

Don’t forget to drop us off some more of these motherf*cking links so we can put them on the motherf*cking blog!

SIZZLER: Gnarls Barkley Is Crazy About Safe Sex

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gnarls.jpgThose paper trailblazers at The Smoking Gun have gonnen their hands on a concert rider for hip-hop’s sensation of the summer, Gnarls Barkley, and the duo’s backstage demands are surprisingly tawdry. They look like such mild-mannered nice boys, but based on this requested inventory, their dressing rooms sound like booze-and-veggie-tray-fueled orgies with over-sized MAGNUM condoms! What’s interesting is that only one of the dressing rooms requires rubbers (the other requests tube socks, which I pray aren’t for contraceptive purposes), so that means one of the guys is either in a monogomous relationship or not sexually active. Take a look at the lists for each dressing room, then in the comments section try to guess whose “socks” are Cee-Lo’s are whose are DangerMouse’s!

ICYMI: “Hiphopketball, a Jazzebration”

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Big ups to our boy over at Double Viking for dropping the fire funny by bringing us this clip of Stephen Colbert’s amazing documentary about basketball, hip-hop and jazz – way before that punk b*tch Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tried to steal his idea:

While You Were Busting Out of Rehab

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  • Justin Timberlake has gone on record saying he’s not part of the Soul Patrol, and that Taylor Hicks “can’t carry a tune in a bucket”. Sort of like the HS quarterback picking on the weird-but-popular new kid who just moved to town.
  • A character on The Young & The Restless has come out of the closet and revealed that he is Jewish. Could the writers be setting up the arrival of a drunken Jew-hating villain? It would make sense considering this is pretty much going to be Mel Gibson’s only post-rehab career option.
  • Some country singer douchebag has been charged with purchasing a tame black bear, putting into a pen, and killing it with a bow & arrow. Here’s hoping that the punishment fits the crime and someone ends up squealing like a pig.
  • Nicole Richie blames her unhealthily skinny figure on too much stress. I blame it on too much not eating.
  • Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice are planning a trip to Disneyland so their kids can meet each other. The only way they could possibly make this any more terrifyingly awkward is by leaving the kids in the Haunted Mansion for the entire day, then forcing them to watch Pluto Nash while mommy practices her new single.

Best Night Ever: Wednesday, August 16th!

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It’s Best Night Ever for Wednesday, August 16th! Shea Hess is here to walk you through the best of Wednesday night tv, including Rockstar, America’s Got Talent, and Project Runway!

…OF THE DAY

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  • BREAKING NEWS: Mel Gibson isn’t in rehab after all! He’s in an outpatient program that has him “not drinking” in the comfort of his own home! Shocking! News! Oh, also, something about police catching JonBenet‘s killer… we didn’t really read it. (Defamer, CNN)
  • SHOCK AND CLAWS: Joan Rivers‘ new talk show, Can We Dish?, will be gay. No, we mean really gay. You know your Uncle that never got married? Even your Uncle is like “Miss Thing, that show is a ki ki!” (Loose translation: “Friend, that show is gay.”) (NY Observer)
  • LE-WHO ZA-CARES: Time travel back to when you were 13-years-old, when learning about the Ace Ventura 3 sequel would’ve made your week. Now fast forward to your current age, and realize that Ace Ventura 3 will not make you any less lonely or unsuccessful. And Jim Carrey‘s not even in it! (E! Online)
  • VIRAL DOMINATION: YouTube wants to offer every music video ever made available on their website. When asked about the plan, an apathetic MTV simply rolled their eyes, shrugged, and continued watching The Real World: Does Not Contain This Many Attractive People. (Fox News)
  • GRUESOME TWOSOME: Johnny Depp will pair up with Tim Burton to make the film adaption of the musical Sweeney Todd. How early can you start camping out for something, Star Wars-style? (Note that we are currently camping out for Snakes on a Plane tickets.) (Associated Press)