Shea Hess is back with an all new BNE format. She’s here to show you the five best moments on TV for Wednesday night!
- DETAILS DENIAL: Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong swear they’re not gay for each other, no matter how hard (and sweaty) they try convincing us otherwise. (PopBytes)
- SCREECH AND TELL: Something tells me that nothing in the Dustin Diamond sex tape will be quite as disgusting as just how proud he is of having made it. (UsWeekly)
- SCREECH BACKLASH: Possibly having witnessed said sex tape, comedian Patton Oswalt is calling for the end of ALL internet porn, harking back to simpler times when tattered Playboys were used as currency among adolescents. (MonkeyBicycle via CC Insider)
IRONICIDIOTIC T-SHIRT: A “Let’s Hug It Out” T-shirt is the perfect way to tell the world, “I support cliched TV show references that ceased being funny 2 years ago”. (SnorgTees)
- ONLINE PREDATORS: Teens posing as record executives trying to lure bands to Los Angeles? (BBSpot)
- Take a moment to remember your worst Christmas ever (Dad+Alcohol+Beard=Therapy), then head over to Planeta Pop and see how it compares to the angelicly delightful Sufjan Stevens‘ Worst Christmas Ever!
- Music for Robots alerts us to a song for the one holiday sadly ignored since The Monster Mash came out in 1962: “Halloween Song” from The Evangelicals.
- Stereogum leaks three songs from the highly anticipated Borat soundtrack (with the title too long to print.) We cannot stop humming that Born to Be Wild track!
- My Chemical Romance fans should kiss Idolator‘s virtual feet for leaking the unreleased song “Mama”. Kind of sounds like it should be on the Borat soundtrack, no?
- Finally, we beg you to take a moment of your day, click on this Youtube link, and marvel at Charlotte Church and some Goth Prostie Wino reinterpreting your favorite Michael Jackson song, “Beat It”.
A person only has so much bodily fluid with which they can fuel their self-destructive gravy train, so it’s not altogether surprising that Steve-O has embarked upon a post-Jackass career of publicly degrading himself in ways previously thought impossible. First he peed all over the red carpet at the premiere of his own movie, trying (rather unsucessfully) to demonstrate his pitiful lack of toilet training for nearby paparazzi. Then he outraged the tens of people who watch The Tom Green Death Rattle Podcast by huffing nitrous, getting f*cked out of his mind, and bragging about sexual conquests of which he played no part (something tells me his penis has been poked, pierced and pounded into non-functioning submission). And now Steve-O has accomplished a Tard Trifecta by finding a way to humiliate himself that actually makes sticking lit M-80′s up his ass seem charming: stand-up comedy. His Dane Cook-on-Crack observations on his career, his celebrity (including a mind-bending moment of self-reflexive irony when he mentions TMZ, the site on which you’re actually watching this trainwreck) and the “LA hip hop” scene are as delightfully hilarious as a bag of the world’s cutest kittens being pounded against a brick wall. I’m not sure what “the DEAL” is with Douche-O’s pathological need for negative attention (though something tells me you can easily find out by catching his weekend run at your local “Ha Ha Hole”), but he’s definitely a walking punchline, and he’s definitely today’s Daily Douche.
Are you ready for some
football uncorroborated bomb threats??? From CNN:
The Department of Homeland Security has sent an advisory to the National Football League and local officials advising of a possible, uncorroborated bomb threat against some NFL stadiums.
The threat, posted on a Web site, alleges that dirty bombs could be used this weekend against seven stadiums — in Miami, New York, Atlanta, Seattle, Houston, Oakland and Cleveland. The bombs were to be delivered by truck, the posting said.
Houston? Oakland? Miami? Cleveland? It’s clear: Terrorists hate s**tty football teams. Somebody rush the Arizona Cardinals into a bunker, ASAP.
Of course, the big question that stems from this whole thing: if one of your fantasy football players is in a stadium when it’s attacked, how does that impact your waiver wire position? Because you know, if I lose my Tight End before halftime and I’m unable to sub somebody in, I’m not going to be happy.
It’s amazing how quickly a year can pass. We remember when The Colbert Report was the small prune-faced baby, cradled against The Daily Show‘s bosom in a fur-lined papoose, and breastfed by legion’s of satire-hungry Americans. Now, one year later, and The Colbert Report has blossomed into it’s own phenomenon, a strong and able-bodied half hour of comedy that can sit fully upright on its own.
To celebrate the year anniversary, the show is auctioning off the famous portrait of Stephen Colbert that hangs over the set’s mantlepiece. The description reads:
The portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace and in front of a previous portrait, will be replaced with a new portrait, which depicts Stephen standing by his fireplace, in front of a previous portrait, in front of a previous portrait. At least one critic has already heralded the Stephen Colbert Portrait Series as â€œthe equivalent of the Genius Grant, the Fibonacci Sequence, and â€˜The DaVinci Codeâ€™ combined.â€
It occurred to us today that it’s been awhile since we’ve seen or heard from Burt Reynolds. So what better way to reintroduce him to our lives than with a video that takes a look at what some of our favorite celebs/hated dictators would look like with a Burt’s famous moustache. The only person missing? Norm MacDonald. :uI( (Emoticon with Burt-stache.)
Bonus: Enjoy this Norm as Burt clip on Celebrity Jeopardy, free of charge.
Which burly man was spotted sporting short shorts revealing his masculine hairy legs? Wesley Snipes? Diddy? Play from Kid & Play? Take a guess, then find out the answer by clicking below!
Please, watch this short instructional video, courtesy of The Late Show with David Letterman, for how to ensure you have the the most relaxing, stress-free two week vacation ever. This method can also be used when quitting a job or wishing your boss a Happy Birthday. (NSFW if your W doesn’t allow “bleeps.”)